The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Posting earlier than usual as I've got plans this evening later than usual (last night of golf league + banquet), and am golfing early tomorrow.
The reading for tomorrow is about changed attitudes and how they aid recovery.
The author shares that their sponsor suggested gratitude lists when feeling low. Then one day, when complaining about a family situation, the sponsor instead suggested a list of what was causing the unhappiness. Several days later, when the author was over her depression, the sponsor suggested another gratitude list. When the author went to put away the gratitude list with papers, prayers, etc. for recovery, they realized the things causing sadness/depression were the same as on the gratitude list. Seeing this helped the author understand how much attitudes dictate the way we experience the world.
The Reminder --- Today I recognize how powerful my mind can be. I can't always feel good, and I have no interest in whitewashing my difficulties by pasting a smile on my face. But I can recognize that I am constantly making choices about how I perceive my world. With the help of Al-Anon and my friends in the fellowship, I can make those choices more consciously and more actively than ever before.
The quote from Norman Vincent Peale -- "Change your thoughts and you change your world."
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My attitude and outlook were often negative and bleak prior to recovery. I truly felt that I was alone in my misery, it would always be this way, and there was no solution. As we've discussed, I showed up at Al-Anon wanting the magic cure for my A(s)....when instead it was suggested I focus on me, my attitude, my actions, etc. I was a bit put off.
Yet, over time and after more pain trying to control, cure, fix, change others, I came back willing to try as nothing I had tried was working. People who came before me gave me simple suggestions - meetings, prayer, literature, phone calls, one day at a time, my side of the street, gratitude lists, etc. and I began to practice what was suggested.
In time, much of this became more automatic, and I still do today. What I realized one day, after being around the program for a bit was that I had gone from waking to getting horizontal, and I had not obsessed about what my 'guys' did/did not do that day. I wasn't relieved - I felt a bit guilty as it had been my pattern, habit, ritual for so long to worry about all others - the program was changing me.
Changed actions helped change my attitudes and changed attitudes aid recovery. I had tried the reverse before recovery and it would not last. I had the willpower but did not have the tools and often returned to old habits/patterns. Today, when I am restless, irritable or discontent, I always go back to the basics - those first tools I grabbed onto - and peace returns to my mind and I am able to recenter with my serenity.
I have learned in recovery to take my own inventory instead of others. I have learned in recovery to keep the focus on me and to stay present in this day only. Lastly, I've learned how to unconditionally love others and unconditionally accept them as we are all imperfectly perfect. I am truly grateful to just be me!
Have a lovely evening all...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I have found that the gratitude list does work. Sometimes I have to say thank you through clenched teeth, but I do end up feeling grateful because my mind directs me to things I can be grateful for. I never thought saying thank you in the midst of troubles would work, so what I do is I think of things that I am grateful for that I have been blessed with and I just say thank U thank U for all the things that are right in my life and pretty soon I am out of feeling bad. However, that Said, I still have to feel my honest feelings and then as quickly as I can I do the gratitude list and it does change my attitude
Great topic Iah love the quote "Change your thoughts and you change your world" . Thanks to alanon I have the tools to really change my mind and stick to it --no more running from one idea to the next. Gratitude lists and asset lists are my main stay as they alow me to validate myself when needed.
Thanks for your service
Thanks Iam... hoping you are enjoying your golf right now!
I read this reading at breakfast- and have come back to it this lunch hour... nice spring day blowing in here... After four hours my thoughts shifted- and back to my first meeting. And from that point where I heard the message repeated: altered attitoods aid recovery... took a while to really sink in.
And my point- and what is really important- is the company I found at that first meeting, and which ah find right now- in the present moment...
Thanks to those sharing your ESH above, and thanks IAH for your service. I too use the tool of gratitude lists, mostly going over things I'm grateful for in my mind or out loud to myself if alone. It took me a while to get convinced that this tool really works... As with many if not most things in recovery I have a strong inner resistance to just about any new idea that I don't immediately get, though I seem to get a bit better in recovery. I do a mental gratitude list each evening and also a bit during the day. In recovery I learned that there are things to be grateful for even when I feel very unhappy or stressed. I used to take my feelings and thoughts to be a direct reflexion of reality... Thankfully, it isn't so, I'm gradually learning after much suffering. My gratitude lists can get very long sometimes which does cheer me up on bad days especially. I'm very grateful for this program for gradually restoring me to some sanity and some serenity.
Thank you for your service Iamhere. I hope the banquet was enjoyable!
I had already posted on another thread about how I don't want to 'paste a smile on my face" just for the sake of doing so, or this reading told me so, or my program suggests it. I need to be genuine. So this is important to me:
The Reminder --- Today I recognize how powerful my mind can be. I can't always feel good, and I have no interest in whitewashing my difficulties by pasting a smile on my face. But I can recognize that I am constantly making choices about how I perceive my world. With the help of Al-Anon and my friends in the fellowship, I can make those choices more consciously and more actively than ever before.
In the beginning of my journey, I didn't think I had enough good things to write a gratitude list. But I tried anyway. It WAS small... but it was THERE!! And you know, it really helped me to see that "all was not lost." Simple, yet powerful tool. Now I understand why Betty recommends them a lot!
Today I make mental gratitude lists nightly before I go to sleep. When I am feeling low/depressed, I do the physical writing out (or typing out) of the list.
Thank you everyone for your ESH on this!
TGIF Peeps!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
hoping you are enjoying your golf right now!
Thanks.