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Hi all. I've been working my fourth step in Blueprints for Progress. On p. 16 under Self-Worth: My Own Standards, the question asks, What are my limitations and do I accept them?
What is meant by limitations in this case? What is your interpretation? I was thinking character defects such as being impatient? Or am I really off base?
-- Edited by growing on Tuesday 21st of August 2018 11:17:51 PM
growing - welcome to MIP! Glad you found us and glad that you joined right in. I don't have a copy of this handy but I would agree with you and with David - the first part is asking about limitations of self - I don't always view these as defects but instead as development opportunities. Take patience for example - I've always said I lack patience. I've put it into every inventory I've done and have gone forward asking my HP to remove this defect.
What this has done for me is make me very aware that I have chances every day to be better and do better with this limitation. I've become more patient in recovery and use the pause to consider facts, consider responses instead of reactions and to consider healthy choices today which I didn't do before.
The second part is about acceptance as David suggests. For me, I needed to stop trying to be and do perfect and just be me. I now believe that we are designed to be imperfect as are all others. This is not a 'hall pass' to slack, but instead a reveal that allows me to better accept what is instead of what I think it should be!
If you look to the top right, you'll see a step work board here that might help you with your step work. If you want to post, you'll need to rejoin as it's a different forum. Please keep coming back - you're not alone!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Did you ask your sponsor? Usually my sponsor helps guide me through on step work questions that I have. She knows my back-story so she helps ask the right questions to get me on the right foot.
I highly encourage step 4 with a sponsor or trusted person to work with as you don't know what will come up with that and for me it's good to be able to have someone say have you considered .. because maybe I have a character defect that I'm not looking at.
Good luck and welcome :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Welcome growing...and yes, everyone should "welcome growing" LOL.
I have a completely different perspective on this, BluePrint For Progress, a 4th Step, etc.
First, you have your interpretation, that being you thinking it is character defects, such as being impatient. However, even after you keep drilling deeper on that, you will stumble on other elements -- for example, trust. Trust in others, more importantly, trust in yourself. Think beyond, broader than character defects. Limitations can be all that you want it to be. Second, this is the perfect question, exploration, discussion, to have with your sponsor and/or the person who you are doing this with. This is the perfect example of where another's perspective -- specifically a sponsor and/or the person you are doing this with -- and gain the one thing you often cannot bring to the table...objectivity. In addition, your sponsor and/or the person you are doing this with can also explore this with you in and out of "the proper context...and with the proper content" -- being that this person is supposed to know you, intimately, and be able to guide you through this process. It's an incredible, enlightening, and empowering process. Many people trivialize, their efforts, depth, scope, etc., when it comes to Step 4 and/or BluePrint For Progress.
One person's view on limitations may be very different from another person. Interpretation, same thing. Perspective as well. Don't just think limitations of self, me, as a partner, friend, son/daughter, etc. Think limitations broader -- how you live your life, who you are being, at your core. Acceptance is important, and I would let your sponsor/partner in this talk to you about it. He/she will know what to do -- and they know you better than anyone. Certainly better than people here, LOL.
More to follow...gotta run into a meeting.
-- Edited by Bo on Wednesday 22nd of August 2018 10:54:00 AM
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
I'm back...for me, and in my experience, having done BluePrint For Progress numerous times for myself (with my sponsor, and with another good friend), and countless times with and for other people...it is not just about limitations we have, vis a vis character defects. It is about a lot more -- it's about looking not at the limitations, restrictions, character defects, flaws, traits, but about looking at what YOU WANT, your desires, how you want to live your life, what kind of life you want to live, being empowered, enlightened, etc. Also, remember, you are in the Self-Worth chapter. Limitations -- as they relate to self-worth is about YOU...not just the limitation. Self-worth is how you feel about you, considering limitations, and in spite of them as well; perhaps even more.
I won't debate the interpretation of the 12 steps -- but remember -- before we "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings" -- WE had to FIRST arrive at "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." Think about that. There's a step BEFORE we asked. We had to do the work to be "entirely ready" and many people differentiate between "defects of character" and "shortcomings". You may feel or interpret them as one in the same, or perhaps different...but, regardless...there is work to do before asking. It takes work to be entirely ready.
As far as acceptance, well, that may be the foundation or the core of what comes after that -- so, on one hand, yes, it's certainly an ingredient in the recipe; and on the other, it has to be a "given" if you are now trying to remove character defects, shortcomings, etc.
That said, I don't think a 4th step can be done on the internet, via email, text, or the like. I think it is something you have to do with someone, together, intimate, INTERPERSONAL...NOT INTRAPERSONAL...ideally face to face, and if not, over the phone. It takes time. Little by slowly. If you are doing it alone, OK, that's your prerogative. If you are doing it via email, text, whatever, OK, again, that's your prerogative. If you want to or have to, so be it. The last time I did a 4th step -- I too used BluePrint For Progress -- and including a detour back to re-do one of the early chapters, my 4th step took my sponsor and me 20 months. It was empowering, enlightening, and exhilarating for both of us. When we were done he explained to me how much he got out of it...and I cried.
Enjoy the journey growing!!!
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Hello and thank you everyone for your input. Several of you asked if I'm working my fourth step with my sponsor. Yes, I am. She has me working through Blueprints for Progress and then checking in and discussing it with her. When I called and texted her my question, she wasn't available. I didn't hear back from her for several days and I continued to wonder about the word limitations. I read this board regularly and actually have posted in the past, but have no idea what my username or email address was from when I registered. I really appreciate all of you who considered my question and gave me some support and ideas.
Growing
