The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODAT reading for August 18 speaks about ourr tendency to review the past and remember the worst possible things that someone has done. We do this so we can polish our own halos in this process.
That sentence made me smile as I can readily identify with" polishing my Halo"
The reading suggests that stirring of grievances is a waste of time and a waste of a life that is a record of a indignities and oppression. We are restoring them to a painful reality. The ODAt g suggests that we not make a mental note of any of these issues so that we can easily forget. If we were to concentrate on the positive in our life. It will grow
Good Morning LU I can remember" polishing my halo" at times before program because i did not have the constructive tools Alanon provided. Working the Steps, examining my motives, seeing my part in all the problems helped me to change this destructive habit.
today I can live in the moment, let go of the past after having learned the lessons and live life on life's terms Thanks for your service and have great dAy
Thank you LU for your service & the daily. Like Betty, using the tools helps me to examine my motives and to live truthfully.
But this topic is kind of odd for me... b/c one of my "faults" and the reason I allowed dis-function to go on in my marriage/life so long was my "ability" to forget. But I never really forgot. It was always there, ready to steal my serenity...ready to blame my spouse. So I did this weird "sweeping stuff under the rug."
With my sponsor, I realized that this was a coping mechanism for me. And while it helped me get through the day, or through whatever crisis/chaos was brewing (b/c there was always something!), it "allowed" addiction to flourish in my spouse and my marriage. I put "allowed" in quotes, b/c I am fully aware of the three C's... but this behavior of mine of "forgetting" was a type of enabling when it was all said and done. It was my part.
With Al-Anon, I have been able to peel back my layers... to understand my part in all this, and tools that help me stay away from those behaviors that steal my serenity. It has also lead me to the brilliant realization that rehashing grievances does nothing to help me attain peace in my life! When friends ask if I am mad at this whole mess, I can honestly tell them that I could be, but I choose not to be b/c living in anger makes me a bitter person... and I don't want that for the rest of my life!
Going to go visit my chiropractor this morn! Hooray!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you LU for this reading. It's a very significant one for me, as "forgetting" the things my qualifier had done -- while it served a purpose at the time -- protecting myself from the appearance of resentment and maintaining hope that these problems would not happen again. Another negative part of "forgetting" was that I never directly told my qualifier the things he was doing that had bothered me so much, so he did not have a chance to address them if he wanted to. And I know he did not want to hurt me, so this was unfair to him. I had pushed many things under the rug, and the rug was getting very lumpy. I did not know how to say what I mean, mean what I say, and not say it mean... so I said nothing.
The reading suggests erasing past wrongs from our memory so we can start the next day anew. Erasing didn't work well for me, but what has worked, because of working the program, is a kind of gradual wearing-away, like water running over stones, rubbing off the rough edges so they do not cause pain. I can still see those stones, and be grateful for how far I have come.
Thanks LU and for all ESH. This reading is interesting for me because I kept the fire stoked thinking it would protect me from falling for the same alcoholic behavior and thereby not getting hurt again. WRONG! All it did was keep me angry and resentful and I could not enjoy anything. Putting the focus back on me is always the next right step. You can't go wrong with that, Lyne
Thank you LU for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your ESH and shares. I too 'polished my halo' often and was glad to do so at the expense of others. I too have received access to all the tools in recovery that allow me to let go of the past, forgive myself and others and no longer view the past with memories only of what was 'bad' or 'done to me'.
I am grateful that I no longer have to use the past other than to learn from. I don't have to keep score, keep tabs or get even. Spending my time focused on what others did vs. what is here and now and important to me is insanity I no longer want to be a part of. So, so grateful to have moved to a different way of living, being and doing.
Happy Saturday to all - golf with my dad, AH and son today. We had fun and got done before the heat and/or rain. Nap time next and then dinner plans. Rinse, repeat tomorrow. My mother is content doing little beyond catching up with family and friends - so far....so good. We have a birthday party tomorrow for her 99 YO aunt - the longest living on that side of the family. Make it a great day and weekend!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Working the Steps, examining my motives, seeing my part in all the problems helped me to change this destructive habit.
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(((((((((((((((Betty))))))))))))))) oh yea, seeing my part in the problems.....when I was a child, yea, I was 100% innocent and they WERE 1000% to blame, BUT...that is gone now...I worked through, I HOPE, all the anger, grief, et al, because now?? I want to move on from it..from them and their dark memories they left behnd them.....I want to focus on NOW...NOW that I am big enough, mentally healthy enough to take charge of my life, things are different....I can take care of me now..I can leave if I am not happy...I can set boundaries...re-assign other's positions in my life as to how close or distant I want them to be, etc., and before I do anything, I check my motives...if it isn't just plain ole love w/out any expectation of a return back, I go for it...if ?? then I wait..check my motives before I do or give to another....it has to be unconditional love and healthy for me to do/give, or I step back and wait and maybe decide, later, to say "NO" the past ruled my present...now its grip on me is being loosened.....NO!! I will never forget all those horrid memories, but I don't "soak" in them...I deal with a memory or a trigger that comes up and apply my programme to it....LOTS of time, i say "that was then...this is now...WE are in charge of our life now" and i apply programme.........
thank you LU for this wonderful share...a need to read for me..............HUGS
It feels good to read this today. So many in our world encourage us to look at injustices et al and try to show better judgement and I like the permission here to let that stuff go. I learn and move on.
PnP - I have felt exactly the same as you describe. Thank you for putting into words thoughts that have the ability to eat up my serenity when I'm over tired etc.
You are welcome. That is the beauty of MIP... You learn from me, I learn from you, we all learn from each other!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
