The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about the slogan "How important is it?"
The author shares that, after living with the chaos of an alcoholic relationship, it can be hard to tell if something is a minor inconvenience or a major crisis. Asking "How important is it?" helps the author decide whether something is a major disaster or really an insignificant issue. This distinction can help us find serenity and confidence during days that we might have previously seen as disastrous.
Today's Reminder: Today, if I encounter an upsetting situation, I will ask myself, "How important is it?" before I react. I may find that it is not important enough to sacrifice my serenity.
Today's Quote: "It is almost as important to know what is not serious as to know what is." John Kenneth Galbraith
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What a fantastic reading for me today!
I remember in my childhood, and later in my marriage, every little thing that went in any way wrong seemed like a major disaster that must be dealt with by me, because, of course, it was my fault the disaster was happening because I hadn't prevented it in advance.
By the time I was involved in an alcoholic marriage, I had perfected the art of being controlling and taking the blame for things that went in a less-than-ideal-way but were actually really out of my control. a decade of marriage later, and any hope I had of differentiating between a major crisis and a minor inconvenience was gone. "How important is it?" I've used this slogan often in my AlAnon recovery to help me to determine how important something is, often so I can tell how I really feel about something, and whether a negative consequence is acceptable to me or not. (Does the power bill not get paid and the power cut off? unacceptable negative consequence. Do we not have money to eat out and someone is upset because they want to eat something other than what we have in the house? acceptable negative consequence.)
The quote really hit me today. I've been dealing with an ongoing work issue the past several months, and I realize that, although I was behaving professionally and appearing to see the issue for what it was externally, emotionally, I was feeling as though it was a major crisis when really, it is not serious enough to give much emotional attention to at all. Inside, I could not tell the difference between this issue, which is relatively small in scope and unimportant, and some major crisis, like losing my job. Not being able to really apply this distinction internally has lead to panic attacks off and on for the past several months, heightened anxiety, and obsessive thoughts, over thinking about communication, asking for too much feedback from peers. I realize that I was a participant in escalating a situation in my mind that wasn't worth the escalation.
I've added today's quote to my little index card set of quotes and slogans that I keep near my computer monitor at work, so I can remember to ask myself "How serious is it?" in addition to "how important is it?"
I'm thankful for the perspective the AlAnon program brings to me today.
I hope you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good morning Skorpi - thanks for the daily, your service and your ESH. This slogan has served me well in recovery, as at the end of the day, most of the events in my world are truly not important - based on my life goals. Recovery has given me the tools to simplify most things, and unless an event stands to disrupt my serenity or sanity, it's usually not that pressing.
When we pause long enough to just consider what is and what is our role (if any), I am often aware that my emotional response to life events can be magnified and left of center. I am also grateful for the perspective Al-Anon gives me and the ability to trust in a higher power that's not me.
Happy Hump Day - enjoy it and make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good Morning Skorpi and IAH thanks for sharing your thoughts on this extremely important topic. I found that prior to prograr everything seemed to take on tremendous importance and I reacted in kind. Program gave me the tools to Stop, think about what was going on and to respond in an intelligent manner. The simple slogan: "How important is it" helped me to stop reacting and to pause long enough to respond intelligently .
Thanks for your serivice
Good morning, everyone! Thank you all for your ESH!
Skorpi, thank you for your service and ESH as well. Sometimes I read a lot of myself in your shares... I too, am finding this slogan more and more important. I had to lean on it heavily this weekend. It allowed me to pause so that I could examine exactly what it was that was disturbing my peace... and then address THAT, instead of just reacting/overreacting.
A good reminder! Thank you!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I couldnât get a grasp of todayâs reading. Itâs really hard for me to break behavior, that âhold the ship! Itâs a crisis ASAP!â. Since Iâve been in Alanon Iâve calmed down and become more aware of things. This slogan will be on my wall from now on.
Today's Reminder: Today, if I encounter an upsetting situation, I will ask myself, "How important is it?" before I react. I may find that it is not important enough to sacrifice my serenity.
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Hey Skorpi thank you for this gem.....btw, I love the doggie pic
anyway, I needed this today....it seems of late that EVERYTHING i touch gives me a hassle or resistence of some kind...NOTHING has gone smooth.....So I must be putting out resistence energy...fighting and forcing and protecting.....
"how important is it" or like you said "how serious is it" today!! I am in wallmart...the place is packed, as usual, and so I decide to go through the "easy scan" do it yourself checkout....I've got my stuff and I am "scanning" along, and i get to the LAST item....my organic bananas...i scan them and the scanner balks..it wants a key ID...like WHERE is the ID??? I don't see one, so i try to enter in what I think I see and then the scanner charges me like 3x for ONE bunch o bananas...I feel the frustration coming and i STOPPED....shoved all my stuff back in their bags...left the stinking machine there, blinking and beeping, and i went to a check out counter where there was a PERSON.....and guess what!! because I refused to, this time, fight the stupid machine and walked away, i found a register, near the door, and i was first in line......the good news is I found 2 packs (28 total) of my (I shop in kids dept for my undies, jeans, camasoles and tank tops) of my size undies, for $9.xx and you get 14 in the pack....SUCH a deal..I grabbed two of them......
but yea, NOT resisting, the negative vibes can't thrive..they disolve into their own nothingness....so my new slogans or mottoes are "take the path of least resistance" "if I resist, it will persist" so non resistance is my thing to practice...and YOUR share, here is what i needed to see......REALLY!!!! "how important is it???"
"nickel dime aggravation" can really get to this little , has to be in control, alanoner, but I am a tryin...I am a workin on me.....because I am worth it....So are you.........gr8ful hugs....
