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Post Info TOPIC: BOTH of my Brothers are missing for over 2 weeks now


~*Service Worker*~

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BOTH of my Brothers are missing for over 2 weeks now


Hes on a biggie, this being over two weeks...

I call and leave VM but now his cell is full and cannot take calls. so I just test him a "prayers rising" text and keep my distance with love

I can't seem to get his enabling friends to back off and let him hit bottom..Each time this happens, he finally surfaces,  hung over, sick, looking and feeling like hell, needing DAYS to be able to work again, and then the buddies give him loans for his cell bill, or any bill he owes on because even tho he's an Alcoholic, he is a fine marine engineer who can "do it all" regarding boats and even large ships...so he makes over $100 per hour and first thing..he pays his buddies back......

I am powerless..I am losing him inch by inch to the 80 proof demon but there is absolutely nothing I can do but just keep on keepin on and workin on me...ONE day at a time.......

the Drug addict other brother is missing as well,  street person, lives on the streets, shoots heroin and meth uppers and downers....some day he will go "nite nite" and it will be permanent...

Again..I am totally 1000000% powerless over these 2 men who are in their 60's and as they age, the abuse to their bodies will only worsen and their chances of recovery get slimmer and slimmer....I mean how much more abuse can their aging, already compromised bodies take????

I am sooooooooooooooo glad I am in programme...I can watch this and yea, it hurts, the boys I played with and hung out with and we dated each others friends, yea, those besties of mine are gone....gone to the drink and to the drugs...I lost them both!!!!  I used to smoke Marijuana with them when we were young and for me, it was easy to "grow up" and dump that stuff, never in my wildest dreams did I think that THOSE 2 would become hopeless, it appears, addicts...I only recently found out that the younger one has been doing the hard drugs since the 70's???  Holy Moly!!!!! 

They both could use a prayer or two....I am sitting here, thinking, remembering of all the crazy fun we all 3 had and our friends would join in and we just had a blast together....when mother was flat out drunk, I took care of those 2 and I was a child myself, but I was their little mama till they grew up and the bonds were tight....I did my best with the tools that I had...I know their memories of ME were full of happiness and love, they told me that...and I carry that in my heart...Heaven forbid when they do go, I can let them go , knowing that I gave them happiness and SOME security as children...

anyway, thank you for listening.....I'm as "OK" as one can be with two missing brothers....At some point they will either be found or they will show up on their own steam........



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Rose:

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~*Service Worker*~

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((Rose)) praying for your brothers. Stay close.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Jill wrote:

((Rose)) praying for your brothers. Stay close.


 thank you ((((Jill)))  this is really the longest I've gone w/out hearing from the older one...younger one, yea, but what is bad is NOBODY has seen or heard from them and I still know their friends in CA and especially MA.....not a peep from either......steps 1,2,3...their maker knows where they are....Just gotta wait it out....AND do the next right thing....

Thanks, Jill for your prayers, I so appreciate it!!!!! The younger one and I became more distant as his using got so bad...but the older one, I simply adore!!! He has never gone this long w/out calling me....and rumour has it that hes been pretty bad of late with the binges....Hes got that big work SUV type vehicle where he goes off to some "out of the way place" and sleeps with his bottle and drinks till he burns himself out.....



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Rose:

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~*Service Worker*~

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Prayers for your brothers (((Rose))) No matter the emotional or physical distance, it's still a difficult place for family to be. Wishing you serenity odaat. TT



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~*Service Worker*~

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((((Rose))) prayers for you and your brothers



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Prayers for your brothers and for you! This is hard, it's evident by the way you write about it... even with you having program to lean on. Thank goodness (or your HP!) that you understand and accept that you are powerless.

Wishing you peace

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~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ anonymous



~*Service Worker*~

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thank you (((TT))) ((((Betty)))  and ((((((((((PosiesandPuppies)))))))yea, this is definitely "need my programme" time...Been fighting off the projecting, fear stuff by breathing, doing the next right thing...groomed the dogs and me, did laundry, sent them love wherever they are, and yea, my thoughts wandered down memory lane when we used to go to the hockey games and "P" just loved the wrestling...couldn't tell that boy the stuff was fake, he absolutely loved that stuff....driving to cape cod at midnight because we were "bored" and we had a cottage there and it was nice getting away from all the drama and violence at the "concentration camp" ..

one time the beast and his wife were occupying the cottage so we of course weren't gonna go there, but we had to go somewhere...get away...be out on our own......I suggested as a JOKE "lets go to NYC and drive around and see the sights" we were in MA, so it was a bit of a drive and off we went..9pm we left, we visited my boyfriend's dad for a bit in RI and then on to NYC we went...BF's dad gave us some $$$ for our "adventure" telling us to call when we got there and when we returned so he wouldn't worry.......we got to NYC in early am the next day...got some coffee and breakfast at a Howard Johnson's and chatted up some folks, then drove right back.....THOSE were the days when my brothers and I were inseparable and did we ever have fun....I MISS them!!! Where ARE they???? OK....Gonna do a journal and some deep breathing........

Thank you ladies for your prayers and support XOXO





-- Edited by mamalioness on Thursday 9th of August 2018 11:09:57 PM

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Rose:

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~*Service Worker*~

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Prayers for you and your brothers, (((Rose))).

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~*Service Worker*~

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(((Aline)))) thank you....I really appreciate your thoughts....its 8:30 am here in Dallas and still no word....I'm gonna start my day and do some more work in the yard after work...just keep on keepin on and I will not try to control the uncontrollables (other people, places and things)

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Rose:

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~*Service Worker*~

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Still no word from either. I am powerless. What will be will be. Its hard not to think about them but when I catch myself doing it too much, I read a share and give my support on it, or I just get busy taking care of my pets, its raining out so I am enjoying This nice respite from the heat. And I am going to watch some shows called intervention It is a series where they focus on alcoholics and drug addicts and their lives and The miraculous decision they make to get into recovery. The people who allow themselves to be documented, the addicts I am talking about, I give them a lot of credit for letting the whole world see them in their pain and then after they have been in recovery for a while. I am learning a great deal about alcoholism and drug abuse or drug addiction from watching the show. I dont know if its on A TV channel, I watch it off of YouTube. It is fascinating yet so sad that this disease covers such a wide area. Nobody is safe from this disease of addiction. And when you see somebody get into recovery it is so nice to see a life that just might be saved and actually thrive. So that is what I am going to do Ive got several shows of it downloaded and I am going to watch. I learn every time I watch one of these. I just keep putting those two brothers of mine in the hands of their maker when I catch myself thinking too much about them. Talk about behavior modification LOL, when I catch myself dwelling on them, I am mediately talk to myself and say you are powerless, give them over to their Creator, and then I make myself get busy doing something positive and it is working. I am so grateful For this programme

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Rose:

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Senior Member

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Prayers from Hilo Sister Rose and the words went out in English although my HP also listens in Hawaiian.  They justified your love and caring which is what you do best.  Hope follows.  ((((hugs)))) aww



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Jerry F


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JerryF wrote:

 

 

Prayers from Hilo Sister Rose and the words went out in English although my HP also listens in Hawaiian.  They justified your love and caring which is what you do best.  Hope follows.  ((((hugs)))) aww


 (((((((((((((brother Jerry)))))))))))) I Love your prayers whatever language you choose to say them...and I love the sound of Hawaiian...One thing I can take with me if/when (if they dont' stop, they are terminal and I know this) they pass on is that they KNOW I loved them and what little happy memories they had, as kids, were from ME...I know that and nobody on earth can take that away from me...The fact that I was there for them, mothering them when I was a child myself, but I was happy to do it..It gave me a sense of purpose..

It showed me that I WAS worth something to those boys, one of whom killed himself in March 2000....He told me for decades  he wanted out of his life....I told him I loved him and I would not fight him anymore if life was that unbearable to him (ohhh the tears and pleading that I did to no avail)  He got sick with a bad cold...Terrible fever and upper and lower respiratory infection...It was February 2000, a horrid blizzard in New Bedford, Massachusetts where he lived in a flat and he worked on boats as a marine mechanic...he was so ill, he knew...He knew if he went out and worked, it would only make him worse..so what did he do??? He went to work on a boat..WALKED to the marina which was a good mile from his flat...No coat on...Just jeans and a sweater...he worked on that boat , outside in that blizzard until it was fixed, then he walked back to his flat...he pulled out his keys to get inside to lie down and collapsed in the front door of his flat...his neighbors heard his body hit the ground and they called 911..He was rushed to the hospital and the doctors pulled out his wallet and my name and # were on his "in case of emergency"  they told me he was as as sick as one could get and what in the hell was he doing OUTSIDE in a blizzard, soaking wet, he was from the snow and moisture....

I knew why he did that but I did not tell the doctor..I just begged him to keep me updated....he lived 15 days and the doctor, a young Italian fellow who was an excellent physician for his young age, told me that he felt Charles wanted to die..."hes not fighting to live...hes letting go..its not good, he probably will not recover but I will fight for him, even if he has given up"  they still tried to save a life that Charles no longer wanted...He talked about dying since he was a teenager so here he is with all kinds of apparatus  hooked up to him and he LET GO...

It was about 6am Massachusetts time, 5am my time here in Texas...I woke up precisely at that time and I saw this "pink bubble that was actually gorgeous" kind of floating up, towards the sky...It was really weird..I thought I was just having a weird dream, but there was something peaceful about the pink bubble...something that told me "release"  just then my phone rang and it was my young doctor hero who tried so hard to save him...He told me they had loaded him in the elevator to take him to surgery to try and drain out his lungs and he passed...just quit breathing and that was it...flat line....doctor said he was so out of it, he felt sure he didn't feel anything.....I was his love, Doc said that the only pictures in his wallet were of him and me or just me...He was my "older younger brother"  my folks had him and these other two pretty close together, and of course didn't do anything re: their care, so little mama Rosie stepped in...I had to..Those kids were gonna have a chance, by golly!!!!! 

I tried my best to give them a life...I would raid the goodwill boxes late at night to get us all clothes for school...I made sure we were dressed and dressed nicely....I did a step 8-9 over that by making sure I donate stuff to GW....When the beast cut off our milkman/eggman and our breadman, I would get the kids , (Heaven forgive me) to distract the driver so I could slip in and steal us some milk and bread, eggs, cheese, whatever I could to feed us....at 10 years of age, i worked PT taking care of a guy's cows so that $$ helped a lot....Charles never forgot that..Nor do these two missing brothers....

I am not a hero...Just a sister who wanted to ease their pain and give them SOMETHING to smile about and food in their stomachs and decent clothes...I became a skilled thief, sad to say but when I was old enough to work, I took care of cows for this US senator...baby sat kids...taught horse riding to folks owning their first horse...trained horses for others to show in pleasure classes...I did whatever I could to raise up money for us......

I know I am losing my remaining two..I know it..this year?? Next year?? or already one or both are gone??? Somehow I think they are still alive, but for how long???? I don't kid myself into thinking they will outlive me....I just hope that when they do leave me, that they dont' suffer....I know Creator isn't mad at them for numbing out their pain of being abused by two people who never should have been blessed with procreation....

I love them but have to do it at a distance because I am completely powerless over their decisions to keep on drinking and using...I won't enable them..They know that..They also know that I will always love them...

Thank you sweet ((((Jerry))) for your prayers and your wonderful, heart felt shares that always bless me in some way.......You are very precious here.....I am grateful to be travelling this journey with you   XOXO



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Rose:

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~*Service Worker*~

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((((((((Mamalioness)))))))
Wow,great share about your brothers,
I can so relate ,I also have 3 brothers ,one took his life age 37,
Miss him each day,
It's great to know you and your bros have such good memories to look back on,
Prayers going out to you and 2 brothers .............hugs LU
...........

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~*Service Worker*~

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lookingup wrote:

((((((((Mamalioness)))))))
Wow,great share about your brothers,
I can so relate ,I also have 3 brothers ,one took his life age 37,
Miss him each day,

*******************************

(((((((((((((((((lookingup)))))))))))))))))))))  so sorry for your loss of your brother.....mine was 49......I, too, miss him each day...........thank you for your share and your prayers...I so appreciate it....."P" was and is pretty lax about keeping in good touch, but "R" has NEVER gone this long w/out a call...a text....I'm going to get on his facebook in a while and take care of his page as I do from time to time.........sooo glad I have this program and you all praying for us and supporting me in this.....

 



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Rose:

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~*Service Worker*~

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(((((( m.lioness))))
Very thoughtful of you taking care of Facebook ,
my bro that just moved out from living with me yesterday,has come up missing from time to time,
One time he stayed missing for 2 yrs,he lived homeless in dallas,tx by choice.he did make contact for bus ticket back home ,cashed ticket back in only to go back to living on streets n tents in Fort Worth n Dallas ,mostly fort worth,when asked why he said he was use to it by then .he did finally find his way back home,he has been wanting to go back since,loves the big city life.
He isn't the brother I knew ,more of a stranger,so sad it is,
We were close brother and sister,him 2yrs younger than me,
So much has changed ,maybe I've changed more so than I thought,aye;)(
I sure do hope your bro does show up and is well ,times like this I find I draw a lot upon my hp.
Prayers continue for you n bro......



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~*Service Worker*~

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 ((((((((((((((((((lookingup)))))))))))))))))) so sad to hear YOU have a brother also with this awful , dreadful condition.......It breaks the heart, but ya know???  when you said "so much has changed, maybe I've changed more so then I thought, aye"  WOW!!! its not that the situation is changed, but I see change within ME...I'm not enabling them anymore, sending them $$ like I used to...If they lose their cell over non-payment?? well..pay the bill because I won't.....and yea, again I agree with you....neither one "isn't the brother I knew, more of a stranger"   especially the younger one..older one, I still see the old "R" and I can enjoy him....

the other one??? hes so messed up on the drugs, I can't stand to be on the phone more than a couple of minutes...He talks salacious stuff that turns my stomach...I mean YUCK!!!! and that is a huge trigger for me as our sire was a deviant...One time he posted these young girls on "R's"  facebook page and talking dirty about them, and "R" was out to sea, but was able to just for a minute glance at his page and "YIKES_get those pics off my page"  so he , because I set his page up, told me as I am admin , also, to "TAKE that stuff OFF my page"  I wrote to "P" and told him if he posted salacious posts on "R's" page, I would unfriend him as asked by "R"...he did it again, dirty, deviant stuff so I hit the unfriend button....I check "R's" page for pm's from "P" as he is so bad with the drugs, he upsets even my alcoholic other brother, "R"  "R" still has his scruples and morals...

I still love younger, "P"  but you talk about change?? OMG...He isn't even remotely like the old, funny, fun to hang out with little brother he used to be...even "R" has detached....but we still love him , just at a BIG distance and nows hes MIA, same as "R" and its scary....I've no expectations of either getting help/12 steps, so I just accept what is and give them over to their creator..."R" , I am still real close to and we CAN and DO have great conversations when he is sober...He is funny, witty, compassionate and soft hearted...

One time he was in Goodwill, looking for some work gloves that he wrecks or loses all the time and this lady with a child walked in and asked if she could "work for some clothing for her and her little girl"  "R" was there, hearing this and he told her to "go pick out about 5 outfits for you and your daughter, I'll pay"  and he did!!!  she cried and hugged him...she was married, herself to an A who was out of work, again, and they were in dire straights.....I'll never forget that and "R" isn't one to brag about his good deeds, I sorta had to "dig" the details of this out of him......I wish I knew where in the hell he is, and much as I had to distance myself from "P"  I hope he isn't in some gutter or morgue, dead and noone to ID him.....

Thanks for stopping by with your payers...(((((((((((((LU)))))))))))))))



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Rose:

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~*Service Worker*~

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I was on his page, and its been about a MONTH since he was last seen..Cousin "R" has been helping me as she lives near Boston, He is in Cape Cod area, but she knows folks there and nothing!!! She wants to see him on Labor day weekend as she is doing some church thingy there but like we were talking the other day "She can't go visit someone who aint there and nowhere to be found"....I saw that in early July he posted on FB and that was it and he enjoys his page...yea, his computer bellied up and he has to bum from a friend or go to library or something, but he usually surfaces there, but nope!!! No sign of him...I friended some friends of friends in his area for him...and I see posts "whats up??? Haven't heard from ya" from his friends....I can't do anymore...It is what it is.

Today, I am going to drive around and see if i can help my neighbor find his beautiful blue and white pit bull who escaped from his yard...he is a handsome fella I wouldn't mind breeding to my little lab/pittie when she is older and more mature......keep my mind on good stuff......AND try to resolve this Craigslist issue where they are flagging/removing my resume/ads....I wrote to legal and cust service protesting this unfair treatment, now its time to, LET IT GO.......

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Rose:

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~*Service Worker*~

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Big hugs,

I hope you get some news and it's good .. other people's life choices and plans, it's been a very humbling experience to get the lesson again they aren't mine to live or learn for them.

Hugs S :)

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"I cannot learn other people's lessons for them.  They must do the work for themselves, and they will do it when they are ready." - Louise Hay



~*Service Worker*~

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I loved your share about your brother in the goodwill store! It made me feel like there is good in this world!
Sending prayers out for your brother's safety and your continued strength in all this!
((((((Rose)))))

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Music makes my soul soar!

"The TRUTH is like a lion; you don't have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself." St. Augustine

~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ anonymous



~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Serenity. Thank you for stopping in and as usual, you are spot on, I do believe my lesson in this is to keep the focus on me and to accept that anything outside of me, other people, places and things outside of me are out of my control. My head tells me that, but my heart has a tendency to want to fight it. Last night I told myself to keep making myself focus on me and telling myself that I am done fighting things that are not my business. When I catch myself thinking too much about them , I just get up and make me do something: like last night it was pretty bad, so I went outside and played ball with the dogs. Then I walked across the street and introduced myself to my new neighbor who bought the house across the street. Lovely family. I was so interested in what he was doing with the house and meeting the family and everything that I was completely detached from my own problems. So thats what I do when I catch myself obsessing on thinking too much about something I Cannot control. I acknowledge that I am doing it, then I say Time to get busy and do something. Or Ill just lie on my back and deep breathe and do my meditations and just cast the burden. Thank you for stopping by. I really love reading your shares. HUGS

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Rose:

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