Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Surfergirl · Member

Reading material

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

There's "The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage"

Also, a new book came out this year that's called "Intimacy in Alcoholic Relationships"

Surfergirl · Member

Thanks Aloha! Any others that I should get my hands on?

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

I'd say all of them - lol.

But if you don't have them already, the daily readers are great: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, Courage to Change, and Hope for Today.

I really like How Al-Anon Works and Paths to Recovery, too.

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

One final suggestion, but it's NOT CAL (Conference-Approved Literature):

AA's Big Book.

It's important to get a good understanding of the disease of alcoholism, and learning about it from the alcoholics themselves has been invaluable to me.

However, I only read through this book with my sponsor at the suggestion of my sponsor. There are others in Al-Anon who may feel differently about using the Big Book since it's not CAL.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha - I would support all that you recommend....there is one chapter in the AA Big Book - To the Wives - that would be helpful for any spouse with an alcoholic partner. Of course, it was written so very long ago, it assumed only men could be 'drunks'...thus the chapter title.

I also love How Al-Anon Works, Paths to Recovery, When I got Busy, I got Better, and there's so many that have been helpful in my journey...

Here's the list from the Al-Anon site: ecomm.al-anon.org/ICommerce/Store/StoreLayouts/Home.aspx

I was lucky enough to find a few at my local library so I could test drive before purchase. We also have several 2nd hand bookstores, and they had hit/miss literature at times.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Getting them sober isn't CAL however should be .. vol 2 short sweet and simple

Jazzie18 · Senior Member

I also found How to Live with an Alcoholic very helpful.

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks, Iamhere - I tread lightly around recommending the Big Book because I really do agree that we need to stick to CAL in our meetings (else it opens the doors to so many other things funneling in like someone bringing the Bible or Bhavagad Gita, or or the latest and greatest philosopher, etc.)

I try to treat this message board like a meeting (although at the same time it feels things like cross-talk, etc. are just unavoidable.) But that said, I guess I feel a little more comfortable with recommending the Big Book since this is about alcoholism and alcoholism is a family disease. That and we're tied so closely in many ways to AA.

And yes, To the Wives is great (just remembering it was written well before our time and gender roles have adapted quite a bit since then.)

Surfergirl · Member

Thanks guys! This is great keep them coming. I decided last night that I'm sick and tired of feeling gross and depressed because of someone else's actions. Today I woke up ready to take on "fixing" me and my reactions (which I realize have gotten down right mean lately). I'm jumping in headlong

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Surfergirl - the way I approach recovery is any effort is better than no effort at all. I love your enthusiasm and it's easy to get 'data overload brain' with just the literature. When you can, I would suggest/recommend attending some meetings and getting some phone numbers. I can't tell you how many times I was feeling super angry or anxious over something, and just calling another in recovery to talk it out brought me down a notch closer to reality.

This disease easily distorts our thinking. We often see all things as the fault of the alcohol/alcoholic, and our own denial tells us we aren't part of the issue. Working the steps helps us see our part, and gives us tools to work on us to be healthier. So - be gentle, enjoy the reading and as far as I am concerned, what speaks to you speaks to you.

Aloha - I too tend to stick close to CAL when talking Al-Anon. I am fortunate that I am in an area where both sides see the value of the other, and tend to cross-over for those interested. We have several/many joint meetings. That doesn't take away from the intent or focus for each, it just gives more insight into the disease, how it affects all and how recovery can/does happen across the board. I also am very grateful for AA as I wouldn't be alive without it and Al-Anon wouldn't exist without it.

I believe the Big Book and the stories can give insight into the disease aspect for family and friends. So many people see the disease and recovery as a choice and countless examples show that in spite of best intentions, the disease is stronger than the will of one...

(((Hugs)))

Surfergirl · Member

Thanks Iamhere. I know I may sound overly enthusiastic but it's been a long time coming. We have been together for 21 years now and a few years back I started looking into Al Anon. It was actually my husband's suggestion. He went to Narc Anon and AA many, many years ago after a stint in rehab. It's just that lately my fuse has been extremely short. I chalked it up to extra stress, aging parents etc but then I started to realize I was isolating myself and no longer enjoying my days. I will take your suggestion and get to a meeting though.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene