The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a question for you. Where did you get the belief that "alcoholism is curable by abstinance?"
An A is an A all of their life, are never, ever cured. Abstinance is nothing,they can have all the same behaviors as when they use, and some are much worse to be around, when they are just sober.
It is a disease like any other. A disease is a collection of symptoms that equal that disease. Using is just one symptom.
I am sad you have to go through this. You do deserve half of everything. You might as well get everything, because sooner or later, most A's lose everything anyway.
Guess I would have a different approach than a fight. My approach would be, yes half is mine and that is that. It is a right, not that I have to fight for anything. I would be more indignant than anything that this has to go to court.
Maybe it is becuz I grew up in Oregon. Laws are different in each state.
Hope it all does go Friday for ya. let us know. love,debilyn
My thoughts and prayers are with you now as well as tomorrow. Having to pay alimony to me sounds ridiculous! I am sure it is different for each state. I do have compassion for the alcoholic but good grief! That sure doesn't sound right to me for you to have to pay alimony. Keep us posted and know I am sending positive energy and many prayers your way. cdb ((((((((megan))))))))) xoxoxoxo
My thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow.
I agree with what others have said. How dumb that you should have to pay alimony to enable his drinking.
I know we are not supposed to give advice, but this is something my Dad has always told me. I have found often that he is smart and his advice, especaily in business matters is on the money.
He always says, keep calm, if you lose your cool you are dead in the water.
Stay strong and calm, try not to let your ex push your buttons. Know we are all with you.
I have absolute faith in your ability to fight for what is rightfully yours. You can do this. When you are in there, think of all of standing behind you and fighting with you. We've got your back.
You go girl! Pipers Kitty and I will say an extra prayer for you. If the lawyers don't give you what you want and rightfully deserve, Piper will be more than glad to go bite them in the ankels!
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn and Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
"My lawyer said because my husband has the disease of alcoholism then I might have to pay alimony."
What I share here, is based solidly in personal experience, and is not intended to be taken as advice....
"Compensation sought for either a mental, emotional or physical disorder which has not been appropriately treated by the suffer, in a manner that provides an accurate record of cause, severity, progress, treatability and long term prognosis, does not justify any award by the Court. Should your attorney not be able or willing to pursue the Court in your behalf, it might be advisable to you to seek out better skilled legal assistance."
This is what I got from the North Carolina State Bar after inquiring of them what I could do about someone seeking to sue me for something I had nothing to do with, and was viewed as merely an open target by them for financial gain.
I got a new attorney and the case was thrown out within 30 days.
megan, you are a very special person, that should not have to endure the stuff you are going through. If your attorney is not up to snuf, and is so much as suggesting that the court might entertain and swallow such a lime point for compensation in alimony, you might want to talk to a few other attorney's.
My prayers will be with you all day today.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
I have to respond to something I read here tonight... (God, and everyone else forgive me, please) LOL
Yes, alcoholism is a diease, but for over 99% with absintance, comes the ability to grow up, do the adult swim and get a job (and even keep one!), so that the alcoholic starts being a contributor to the stream of life, instead of a ongoing consumer at the expense of others.
If all the alcoholic is willing to do is treat the symtom, and not drink, they are much the same as the person with Pneumonia only willing to wipe their nose occassionally and not treat the rest of the illness. The by-product is a nose that keeps running, and for an alcoholic the by-product is someone who keeps stopping, instead of staying stopped.
Diease or not, if the sufferer is not willing to take responsibility for their recovery, why should any one else take responsibility for their diease?? Financially or otherwise?
Several times a week I either take or pick up a recovering alcoholic from the day labor employer.... I see there many active alcoholics who do work to support their drinking, who can't get a job anywhere else because they are drunks. If they can work in order to afford a drink, why should they not be expected to work to support themselves adequately? Oh, because they are alcoholics (and have a diease) they have a right to live like tics and suck the blood out of any living target that they attach themselves to?
Why is Alcoholism identified as a Diease by the American Medical Society?
Because it meets the same 3 tenets of any other recognized diease.
1. It's Chronic - (krnk) adj.
Of long duration; continuing: chronic money problems.
Lasting for a long period of time or marked by frequent recurrence, as certain diseases: chronic colitis.
Subject to a habit or pattern of behavior for a long time: a chronic liar.
2.) It's Progressive - (pr-grsv) adj.
Moving forward; advancing.
Proceeding in steps; continuing steadily by increments: progressive change.
Promoting or favoring progress toward better conditions or new policies, ideas, or methods: a progressive politician; progressive business leadership.
Progressive Of or relating to a Progressive Party: the Progressive platform of 1924.
Of or relating to progressive education: a progressive school.
Increasing in rate as the taxable amount increases: a progressive income tax.
*Pathology. Tending to become more severe or wider in scope without ongoing treatment:
Grammar. Designating a verb form that expresses an action or condition in progress.
and 3.) It's Potientially Fatal - To the sufferer,... but even more so it is potientially fatal to the thousands of non alcoholics killed by them on the road each year, by babies that die of shaken baby syndrome who are killed in the hands of alcoholics every year, by sponses who are beaten to death by them while in a black out each year... in short, the number of deaths brought about by alcoholism to the non alcoholic members of society far exceed the number of deaths the alcoholics themselves suffer.
And we are suppose to be held responsible for this untreated disease in any form or manner?
In my humble opinon, which by the way when I'm expressing it, it lacks humility instantainously...
No long term treatment and success at treatment, (2 years or longer) no case to be heard... because compensation can not be determined fairly for a untreated illness, which initial cause and prognosis is undeterminable.
Boy, this issue got me smokin' tonight... probably because I'm a alcoholic, the same as a cancer patient whose diease is in full remission and will stay there, provided they follow some pretty basic medical guidelines. After 16 1/2 years of continuous sobriety I would be hard pressed to gain a financial reward or monetary compensation simply because I'm a alcoholic.
I have two ex wifes... they didn't
1. Cause my alcoholism
2. Couldn't Cure it
3. Couldn't control it
But I could gain financially from them for having it, legally... wow... maybe I need to get an attorney that will swallow this BS line of reasoning and sue them for it!
BS! It doesn't matter what the cause, what matters is I took responsibility for my recovery. No, its not a curable diease, but it does go into remission (when treated properly) and I stop suffering and so does those around me because of it. No, I couldn't control it therefore many innocent bystanders suffered and paid for it while it was active, should I be compensated for the pain and suffering, the mental and emotional angish I endured and inflicted on others, now that I'm sober? I wonder what the legal term would be for this..."due compensation in arrears"?
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
Very excellent point JOHN! IT seems to follow my thinking too. What it sums up to me is to shop around for the right lawyer who believe they do not need the alimony! What about all the pain and suffering they caused their spouse (megan) for goodness sakes! And alimonay to me seems like another way to enable them. cdb xoxoxoxo Prayers still going up for megan! ((((((((megan)))))))
I will have each and every one of you with me as I face the sharks (lawyers) this morning.
I am extremely grateful to receive the ESH on this.
Thank-you John for the perspective and the support.
When I lived with my husband I provided the support for his drinking for 3 years and 5 months. I propped him up until he almost died in my arms. Alanon taught me that MY BEHAVIOUR was enabling him to drink and I left. 6 months after I left my alcoholic GOT A JOB!
Hey, who would know?
I dunno what will happen with the court this morning. My lawyer says likely we will not settle and need further mediation. He likes being on my payroll. My brother says give up a few hundred k to be done with it.
But, thanks to alanon and MIP and my friends I am ready to fight. 14 years is a long time to live not free.
I have you all in my thoughts today as I step up to the plate and swing. (((((Roomies))))))
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
I am so proud to call you my friend.. You are such an inspiration to all of us new to Alanon... FIght for what is right... Fight for what you know... Sad, but unless they are effected by someone in their life with the disease they dont really get it... If your attorney wants some education of the effects of the disease give him the address to the board he will surely see the pain caused by the disease. See the families destroyed and meet all of us who enabled or continue to enable our a's..
Make us PROUD, stand up TALL and remember, we are all there with you in spirit..
n
k)
-gr
s