Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

WestMan · Senior Member

Decision was made but still struggling with it.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

((Westman)) I do so understand I would approach the administration at the Charter scholl , state my problem and see if they might be able to suggest anyone you can car pool with you or a bus service that might be available.
Remember that you are a thoughtful,and excellent dad and that HP will be there. Good luck

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Good to see you westman.. I understand your feelings completely about the situation. My kids went to a private school and because of where we lived and so on it would have been harder for my kids to adjust to public school .. it's a district that has the makings of another south st Louis and that's not an exaggeration. I also made the decision to bring on change slowly. Meaning we moved a year later .. I relied on the school to be the one constant. However that meant I gave more during that time and it was not easy and the kids both fought me in different ways. I had my support team and that made the difference. Now .. when I make changes .. they are drastic lol .. we wound up in a new state and my kids did change schools. My oldest went to her previous school from k-10th and my youngest k-5th. My oldest got lucky only changed schools 1x my youngest has made concessions and he will be changing schools to go to high school again. He's come to the realization that he's lucky because many ofhis friends have changed schools 9 to 10x before they got through the 8th grade. It took some time. The point is .. I have a philosophy that is alanon .. keeping it about everyone vs one .. however sometimes that 1 is me and looking back it's ok to do what's best for me when the group benefits from it. Less cranky mom means happier kids. Lol. Whatever you do it will work out. Worry never moved a rock .. and ..there is no crystal ball to say if you do xyz then ABC will work perfectly. I promise the kids will survive and so will you. :) hugs s :)

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

When coming up to big decisions like these, my sponsor always encouraged me to do two things:

#1: Pray. Ask HP for guidance.

#2: Look at what Steps, Traditions, and Concepts could be applied to the situation. Read up on them and see if anything helps guide me to better clarity that way.

Your situation makes me think of the following:

Tradition 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.
Tradition 2. For our group purpose there is but one authority a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants they do not govern.
Concept 3. The Right of Decision Makes Effective Leadership Possible.
Concept 4. Participation is the Key to Harmony.
Concept 5. The Rights of Appeal and Petition Protect Minorities and Assure That They Be Heard.
Concept 9. Good Personal Leadership at All Service Levels is a Necessity.
Concept 10. Service Responsibility is Balanced by Carefully Defined Service Authority and Double-Headed Management is Avoided.

Also this from the General Warranties:

3. that all decisions be reached by discussion vote and whenever possible, by unanimity;

Of all the above, Tradition 1 seems most applicable.

PosiesandPuppies · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Westman))))

Good to hear from you. You sound in a healthy place. Since you said the decision has been made, I am not sure why I am piping in, but you asked for opinions...

I feel Betty's "solution" is a very sound one, and is definitely worth a try. Why?

Because public schools in CA can be very rough regarding bullying. Interestingly enough, not so much for the guys, but the girls are BRUTAL! And it's not just on campus. The whole social media thing is crazy!

Also, you made a very good point about your Charter school offering things to enrich your children's lives/education that the public school could never provide. I think this is key. I have thoughts on this that are all my own opinions on a much larger concept, so are not really meant to be shared in this context, but I support the movement to Rethink High School...there is a good reason for this! So if you value what the Charter is offering, and your children are thriving there, then perhaps you can move mountains to stay there?

To that end, I would definitely approach the school administration of your Charter. At the very least you will get nothing. However, you may find that they have a list of parents who are in need just like you! Or, you may get confirmation that they will be moving again, shortly (that may sway your decision). Don't rely on the public school's declaration that there is "Zero Tolerance" of bullying in their school...I found that not to be the case with our district. Saying it is so, does not make it so. See if you can talk to parents who have kids in the public school/district you are looking at... they will know the real tea.

As always, take what you want and leave the rest!

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Westman))) - I agree - good to see/hear you and you do sound good. I recall one of the first major decisions I had to make in recovery was between two jobs. Both were very good, both had growth, etc. I was a temp. @ one, so felt 'bad' about leaving should I take the other. Both had lovely people conducting the interviewing and hiring...

I actually was really stuck as I wanted to make the 'best' decision. I prayed about it and second guessed myself and was in a tizzy over the whole thing. A trusted program friend suggested that after being affected by this disease, was it possible I was seeing the choice as 'good' vs. 'bad' instead of 'good' vs. 'good'....this really helped me stop worrying and just decide.

You've done excellent research and have two good options. You've got pros and cons for both. I third Betty's suggestion as the school may know of others who want to carpool/help - keep doing your diligence and praying and the answers will come. I am sending you tons of thoughts and prayers!

WestMan · Senior Member

Thank you all. I gained valuable perspective from each of your comments. I ended up enrolling both girls in the new school. It was difficult. Like tearing my own heart out. But the carpools just weren't coming together.. I did pray over it. Spoke with my sponsor about it. It was an exceptionally stressful week which wasn't helping.

I don't look for "signs from God" as I believe that hp doesn't work that way. But I was very distraught filing the paperwork out in the office and had to excuse myself. I had previously sent a couple messages out to people about carpooling but hadn't heard back from them. As I stood there, practically having a breakdown, a message came through from one I thought might be a pretty good chance to help us out. She said their carpool was full. So, that was it. I could keep hounding more of these long shots for carpooling and then once school started I'd be screwed. I went back in the building and finished enrolling.

I won't lie though. It is almost like losing a family member. I was beside myself when I called my daughter's teacher. She's been with us since 1st grade. And my son had her during those years as well. We all adore her.

So now I'm weathering the fallout. My own grief over the change would be plenty. But I don't like uprooting my kids at all. My ex told me I have sunk to new levels of depravity. And questions from friends about why I did it. My answer stays the same "it is the best decision under our current circumstances."

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Hang in there Westman - your answer appears sound, logical and honest. I know for me when I was watching my AH dive into his disease, and realized I needed to plan 'as if' he weren't capable of parenting, it was very overwhelming....as with all things in recovery, taking it One Day at a Time really, really helped me walk through the changes necessary. One parent just can't do it all no matter how hard we try. You are doing fabulous and are a great parent. Keep doing you....sending continued positive thoughts and prayers your way!

JerryF · ~*Service Worker*~

My VA counselor and my sponsor both agreed with me learning to "give grace" even to those who seemed in opposition to my choices to living my recovering life. Okay I'll go that I decided and it's worked out great. wink

PosiesandPuppies · ~*Service Worker*~

Huge hugs of support, Westman... BTDT with the married but single parenting thing. It's really hard... and one person just can't do it all. We do the best we can with what we are given. You had to make a hard decision b/c of the choices your wife is making with her disease. No matter what anyone might say, you are NOT the bad guy... even if sometimes you will feel that way with this situation. A door closes... but sometimes it is for a window to open! Look for that window, and keep supporting your kids through this transition.
I think it's OK and perhaps even healthy to let you kids know that you are feeling some sadness over the school issue... like it's an ending to a chapter in a book. But now a new, possibly exciting chapter may begin! Just my 2 cents.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene