The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's Courage to Change is about the slogan "Say what I mean, mean what I say, but don't say it mean"
The author shares that they built up quite a bit of anger, resentment, and guilt after years of letting people take advantage of them. The author denied their own feelings, saying "yes" when they really wanted to say "no".
In working the program, the author discovered that they lacked courage. Saying "no" meant a change that not everyone would be happy with. IN giving up the "people-pleasing," the author had to be willing to face the person behind the people-pleasing image in order to stop being a doormat.
Today's Reminder: It is not always appropriate to reveal my every thought, especially when dealing with an active alcoholic. But do I make a conscious choice about what I say? And when it is appropriate, do I say what I mean and mean what I say? IF not, why not? All I have to offer anyone is my own experience of the truth.
Today's Quote: "There is a price that it too great to pay for peace ... One cannot pay the price of self-respect." Woodrow Wilson
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Saying no when I meant to say no is something that I used to be able to do, but years of living with an active alcoholic wore me out - no wasn't accepted as an answer, so I stopped using it. Thanks to my work in the program, I have started to use "no" again when I mean to say "no". I've been getting better at being aware of how I am feeling and what answer I want to give.
I'm enjoying some time in the woods again this week. The weather has been sunny and cool, which I've been enjoying. I hope you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good morning Skorpi - thank you for your service and the daily. We have much cooler mornings this week and it's been lovely, lovely - awesomely lovely!! I was very reactive as a result of this disease - and the thought of pausing, praying, responding were reasonably foreign to me. I struggled often saying No, and if/when I did, I often found myself caving when the manipulation and prodding from others wore me down.
I try today to take a moment and consider the best answer/action for me based on recovery. What's been wonderful for me is that with good boundaries, my guys are less likely to inquire when they now know I won't participate in many 'things' they want/desire. I truly don't have to say No nearly as often. I also am better equipped to say exactly what I mean and be better heard than before, as I work hard to respond with grace vs. intense emotion.
The program has also given me courage to say Yes! Before Al-Anon, I would never, ever have agreed to start playing golf. As we are encouraged to try new things and explore our interests, I found myself saying yes. Now, I am not only learning and playing the game, I am playing in a couple leagues, have a whole new group of lovely lady friends and can play every day, more than once if desired! Finding myself, my voice and my freedom in recovery has gifted me beyond measure.
Happy hump day all....make it a great day!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Skorpi and IAH. This is one of my favorite slogans because it reminds me to be myself, but be respectful to others in doing so. With much practice and my other Alanon tools, it gets easier and easier to make decisions that are good for me, yet not hurt someone else in the process. This is a great tool for everyone, in and not in program. Wish more people embraced it, Lyne
Thank you Skorpi for this perfect daily and your service. Thank you to IAH and Lyne for your ESH!
I LOVE, LOVE, this slogan b/c it is one that I can use every day, in every situation, with anyone - actually, you could argue that point with the others too! LOL!
But like Lyne shared, it allows us to be ourselves in every way, but reminds us to be respectful of others too. Something I needed strongly while living with my STBX.
Perhaps the reason why I love, love, this is b/c it is a great way to behave with your kids. I actually began using this before I even knew it was a slogan... before joining Al-Anon - b/c it reduced the amount of "negotiating" my kid would do when younger.
I am full of envy of you right now, Skorpi! INTO THE WOODS, you go, and have fun!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Skorpi, thank you for posting. I love that slogan and remember how amazed I was the first time I heard it. What a concept! I thought about how great it would have been if I'd known that earlier, because my go-to strategy was to say nothing. I couldn't see any way to not say it meanly, so I would be paralyzed and keep it bottled up.
It took a lot of self-care to reduce the fear and anger I was feeling, and only then did I have the words to respond in a way that was not angry or mean.
