The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This page speaks about how unimportant and useless it is to try to figure out why an alcoholic drinks, or why they do whatever they do. What is important is to learn what we are doing that makes our life unmanageable. When we figure that out and begin to change it, many of our troubles will vanish.
Today's Reminder: Every time I catch myself trying to figure out other people's motives, I'll stop and ask myself: "What did I say or do that prompted the action? Why did I react to it as I did? Does what happened make a major difference to me, or am I making something big out of a trifle?"
Quote: "Leave off that excessive desire of knowing; therein is found much distraction. There are many things the knowledge of which is of little or no profit to the soul." Thomas A Kempis
I like the quote, where it cautions us about an excessive desire of knowing. I'm the type of person that, when I become interested in a subject, tend to go very deeply into it, reading everything I can find.
Once I realized that alcoholism was in my life, I only wanted to read about this subject. For about two years, I only read Al-Anon material, some AA material, and books on marriage to an alcoholic. Nothing else. And I discovered online forums like MIP. Although I was a bit obsessive, it was helping me cope.
Eventually I had time to read about the science of addiction/alcoholism, and that honestly helped me to understand and forgive my husband. I'm glad I didn't get into the science until after he passed away, though, because I might have tried to "educate" him about it. "Look, honey, I've found out what's wrong with you!" I don't think that would have gone over well.
By working the steps, I gained knowledge of what was wrong with me and how to productively move forward with that knowledge.
\I think the take-away from this reading is to have the wisdom to know the difference between useful knowledge that helps me and obsession with information that distracts me from what is most important.
Good Morning Freetime great reminder. The obsessive desire to uncover the answer to the "why" someone acted n such and such a manner was my way of attempting to control a situation. I believed if i knew "WHY" I could then force change and all would e well. Thanks to program I too was able to let go of this unproductive tool and embrace the wisdom and constructive attitudes that program offers. The Steps (looking at why I do what I do and say what I say) are indeed the key to my recovery. , Thanks for your service
Thank you Freetime and Betty. Obsessive is a good word for it! Gosh I find myself doing that with health food/supplements when I hear of an ill family member etc. You can only imagine it in the area of alcohol........The greatest difference I see in here is with the health med area, I know that a person is not going to stop eating certain harmful foods or start putting healthy things in until they are in so much pain and so ill, they are ready to make a change. I need to keep that front and center in alcohol. I'm not harming anyone suggesting supplements/foods to help a cold, arthritis, tummy etc. Some even take the suggestions, many do not. By playing God in the disease of alcohol it puts me in Gods way. No amount of my studying, words etc is going to change anything. There is that life changing moment for them and it may be sooner if I am not "helping." Still, the want to fix is lurking so I will just stay here in this room and continue to work on me:)
Thanks everyone for service and shares. Yes this is an excellent writing on how to be healthier and stop driving myself nuts. And in times past, when I thought I had all the answers for my A, and did attempt to fix her, I just became more unhappy, more unhealthy, more anxious, because of course, I can't fix her. I am grateful that each time I have a setback, I am able to get back on track and find some good balance once again. This is a marvelous program, Lyne
I am joining in with a thank you too for the service, daily and the shares. I do know that I have spent countless hours trying to figure out why my A(s) drink, think as they do, etc. I have spent even more time applying that same wearing tactic to others too - there was something in me that wanted to look beyond me for the cause, the answers, the approval, etc.
What I now know is that focusing on me and accepting what is helps me live my life and no longer waste time analyzing others. I can fall into that, but with program tools, I can also shut it down, thank HP for putting them in my life and figure out what I might learn from the experience. I no longer believe in good/bad people just healthy and unhealthy habits. It helps me accept what is easier and keeps me focused where I need to be.
I am a ton more happy and at peace with my days now, thanks to program and program tools. Keeping things as simple as I possibly can helps too. Make your day great all - been golfing all morning and have softball tonight...(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
