The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
upon this marble head of mine. Sometimes we can be so thick-headed that we can't get out of our own way. This has been me for some time now. Beating my head against the wall thinking things will change if I keep doing it. The classic definition of insanity.
Things have been chaotic - much of my own doing. Going to every arguement my husband is trying to pick - getting into it all full boar. Trying to control what is out of my control. Trying to fix his mistakes and problems. Helping without being asked for help. Simply put - my life has become unmanagable.
How easy it is for things to start to unravel when I slide in my program. Skip a reading, a meeting, or a phone call when things are a mess gets easier and easier as I settle into the familiar chaos of our lives. Breaking with the familiar is the ultimate challenge. Challenging myself daily to do what may not feel comfortable in order to attain some peace and serenity. Turning to my HP and asking for help becomes more and more difficult as I start to slide. I fall back into my old thought process that I are not worthy and that my HP must not like me because I have failed yet again. However, somewhere in the recesses of my mind since coming to this program I know this is not true.
What I have realized through this is that there are things that I thought I had resolved - but must revisit because they are not completely addressed. I have gone back to step one and admitted that my life has become unmanagable. From there I will move forward - and sometimes backwards until the lessons are learned. That is the beauty of this program - there is no right or wrong way. It is all in HP's hands. As long as we do the legwork - everything else will fall into place. When we stop doing the legwork - we can go back and start over - without punishment for our slides. This is one of the true miricles of this program.
Love to all
Karen
__________________
Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
You hit the nail on the head. It is amazing the peace amidst chaos that can be achieved by working the program every day. It takes practice and work. I still catch myself getting upset about something my H is doing or saying and have to stop and say to myself, "these are his feelings not mine, I can choose how or whether to react or not." The more I work the program the easier it is to own my feelings and differentiate myself from him. It is truly freeing and I am much happier and calmer as a result. I am even beginning to see changes in him as my behavior changes. Progress is the prize.
