Al-Anon Group Home Page
Al-Anon Group Meeting/Chat Room
Site Technical Problems or Questions?
Step Work Board - A Step every month!
Online Meeting Schedules

Al-Anon Family Group
Message Board

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"Real" Al-Anon Meeting Directory

A new step every month in the order they were written!

Al-Anon's 12 Steps & 12 Traditions

Members Login
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: It could be ..

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3221
It could be ..

I was wrong for what I just did, I am over it at this point. 

I wrote the email with the idea I can let go of whatever the outcome is, I am tired of this coming back on my oldest.  And it needs to stop, you know light stops the darkness and the lying, secrets and so on .. so .. let there be light and sorry for ya if you don't like it.  This is their garbage not anyone else's. 

I wrote my XMIL and asked by stating I know this is probably none of my business, I am tired and I am tired of watching some of what's playing out at the moment where my kids can't say anything because of the people who continue to make this about my X's 1 feeling.  I didn't state it like that .. LOL .. I did state I miss my sponsor and was trying to figure out an appropriate approach and why I went that direction however knowing nothing productive was probably going to come of it.  You know what .. so be it .. I am tired.  My XMIL has attended alanon and knew my sponsor.  I don't expect anything from her .. just writing it out there made me feel better though because the kids and I don't have contact with the family and it's all of my X's BS that is being fed out. 

We'll see what comes of it.  I did put out there that there was some highly inappropriate behavior going on.  My kid has been through enough at this point and what was going on was NOT ok.  Imagine me writing my XMIL and pretending to be the oldest.   Sorry those texts are far to intelligent to be the XAH. 

I do not know what my motive was .. maybe to say ha ha .. nothing has changed .. maybe it was to say this has to stop and I did verbalize it was unfortunate that the X will not call me for whatever reason however I have to speculate that means he's hiding what's really going on. 

I did mention that the financial stuff he's pulling with the oldest is not ok with no communication of what's going on.  The issue to me, the bigger issue is the fact of the duplicity of what's going on.  I have stayed out of it up until this point because I know my oldest needs to find their voice.  That's where I only ever so slightly hesitate because did I take that opportunity away from him to find his voice .. time will tell. 

These people do not know about the whole transition stuff and they sure are NOT going to hear it from me .. lol.  Not my news .. however the fact I am proud of my kid despite the adversity that they have faced .. the fact that this is damaging their relationship and I pointed out that if my X wants to talk to his other son he has to call my phone.  That's just not on me.  It did feel good just to say it out loud even just writing it out felt good .. ask me if I feel good tomorrow .. the answer might be yup .. I'm ok with that .. lol.   

We'll see where that goes .. I have a feeling that my X may send a nasty text to my oldest I'm ok with that I do need to warn my oldest so he is not blindsided in regards to all of this and he may be super mad at me for bringing it up.  If I wind up being out the money for the next textbook I'm ok with that because it would have been worth it to call these people out.

You know sometimes if it looks like a duck you need to say look out .. it's a DUCK!!  Quack Quack. 

Hugs S :)



"I cannot learn other people's lessons for them.  They must do the work for themselves, and they will do it when they are ready." - Louise Hay

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2300

Sending lots of hugs and prayers for you and your family. You oldest is so lucky to have a mom capable of offering such unconditional love and acceptance. Hard for ex's family to see the truth of who he is. I know I was the scapegoat in my situation but today because of recovery I understand and have long since let it go. Ya know, there are also people in our program at least from my experience who attend simply for socialization and continue to stay in denial about there family member and self. Your MIL might be such a person. Anyway, you're doing good by sharing, letting it out and letting it go. I'm grateful to be sharing the journey with you. ((((serenityRUS)))) TT


Faith unsticks fear.

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1075


More will be revealed. Keep yourself balanced, girl!


Music makes my soul soar!

"The TRUTH is like a lion; you don't have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself." St. Augustine

~~If nothing ever changed, there would be no BUTTERFLIES~~ anonymous

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1164

Hugs, girl! Sometimes you just have to let things fly, you know? There is something to be said for a cathartic release even if you don't know your own motives yet. You can't undo what's been done but you can have a plan for whatever fallout may occur/or not occur. Take care of you! ((((serenity)))

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 9189

Sending (((hugs))) as well - I'm with Andromeda - except 'fly' can be replaced with roll in my vocab! I tell myself often just to let things roll and trust that more will be revealed!


Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene



Page 1 of 1  sorted by
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.