The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When we come into Al-Anon, we may feel that life has been treating us unfairly and that we deserve better because of what we have been through. This page in Courage to Change suggests that Instead of being angry about what life has given us, it might be better for us to ask what we can give. By reaching out to help others in a healthy way, we get outside of our own problems and grow in self-esteem. "It is in giving that we receive."
Quote: "When people are serving, life is no longer meaningless." -- John Gardner.
I certainly resonate with this page. I felt tremendous anger when coming in to Al-Anon, anger at what someone had done and at how my efforts to improve the situation had failed, which I believed was someone else's fault. Today I am grateful that this situation brought me the opportunity to be of service to others.. I believe three little words in this reading are so important: "help others in a healthy way. . ."
I have learned that trying to fix someone else is not a healthy way of helping them. It is not helping someone if I rob them of the opportunity to grow their own self-esteem.
While I cannot say I am thrilled that the disease of alcoholism affected my life and that of my loved ones, I am incredibly grateful that having gone through that painful experience I now have service opportunities in Al-Anon and elsewhere that give new meaning to my life. When doing Al-Anon service, I am surrounded by people who are learning about healthy ways of helping.
Awesome share, Freetime: I will never ever be grateful for all the trauma I suffered as a child and adult, but I WILL always and forever be grateful that I had THIS place (program, meetings, work with sponsor, healthier people to fellowship/share with) to come to
and yes..Once I vented out my outrage and just plain fire red R A G E and the immense grief I felt, (yea, I was pretty needy when first in program) I was able to settle down some and actually be a blessing/helping hand to others who want to help themselves...and the key for me is to reach out, be available to help a soul who WANTS to help themselves....the rest?? I just lift them to universe in prayer and hope they get enough of the pain and finally reach out for help....I would go to meetings and I would see the ones fighting to be in a better place and I would see the ones who were content, week after week, month after month to just complain and do nothing about working the steps, slogans, PRACTICING what they learn and I would get sad, but then I would detach with compassion....Its been a while since I've sponsored anyone but I regularly get called upon to "spot sponsor" a person and it feels great to help another soul take one more step towards a better way of thinking/perceiving and a better way of living......
Thank you for this very "needed to see" post.......Hugs of support...
Thank you Freetime for your service and the daily....I too was angry when I arrived and it took a while to 'see the forest for the trees'. In time, I did see my past for what it is - past events that do not define me. I see so many stuck in what was that they struggle with living today and I'm grateful I am free of that.
From my first day of exposure in recovery, I've heard that service heals. Big, small - not important - just doing for others helps us get out of self. When we are able to make or pour coffee, we are in service. When we offer a tissue to another member, we are in service. When we are actively listening without responding, we are in service. For me, all of it helps me depart from self-will and self-seeking and realize I am not the center of the universe, there's a greater force in charge and I'm just another peg in the wheel of life.
I am very grateful for recovery and the many tools we are given. Off to 'do my day' - make it a great one MIP!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I was very angry as well. So much anger...and a lot of pity. So much so that it kept me from seeing the good I had in my life, and even kept me from seeing the "bad" I was doing to others.
I like what IAH here said about "...it helps me depart from self-will and self-seeking and realize I am not the center of the universe." Wonderfully said!
Because I was a Cub Scout Den Leader, I was always doing service. And I was always teaching "service to others." So I especially love today's quote. Thank you , Freetime for the reminder!
Going to be about 105 degrees here today!! I will do whatever I can to not melt! Make it a good Friday everyone!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Freetime and all above. Besides for doing service and trying to practice alanon in all my affairs, I think alanon has taught me to help myself in place of trying to control my A. I spent about 20 years trying to fix and control my spouse. Now for the last few years, I'm learning how to fix and control myself. For me, that is the greatest lesson I've learned in alanon. Fix and take care of me first, and then I have the wisdom, knowledge, and ability to help others. A work in progress for sure. Amen, Lyne
Thank you Freetime fo posting this important message. Learning how to be supportive of others has been a tremendous gift of this program. Love how in this fellowship of equals we serve each other by simply showing up and listening with an open mind without giving advise .
