The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
While search the web for something completely different, I ran across this list of neutral responses...we have discussed these before and I thought it might be helpful to have them all in one place!
That's interesting.
Let me think about that.
Thank you for the information.
Thank you for supporting me.
I'll have to ponder that one.
Wow.
Hmmmmm.
Golly-gee.
Really?
You don't say.
You could be right.
I never thought of it that way.
Thanks for the feedback.
I appreciate your perspective.
That's food for thought.
I hear you.
I hear what you're saying.
I can see where you are coming from.
That's fascinating.
Sounds like you've got it under control.
I trust your ability to handle.
Maybe so.
That could be.
Let me check and get back to you.
That's one way to look at it.
I don't know; what do you think?
Oh.
Ah-ha.
and Perfectly Acceptable - Silence!!!
I've learned in the rooms of Al-Anon that using neutral response is a great way to detach from sticky situations. When my first thought is not polite, kind, honest or useful, I consider these phrases. The more I keep my mouth shut, the more trouble and drama I am able to avoid. When silence isn't possible, I try to use neutral responses to avoid getting drawn into an argument, someone else's business or something I'm not ready to respond to in depth.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you IAH. I needed those last night! I did use some of them LOL. We started work on a fence last year.........ran into issues, one being the man we hired to level some dirt and do the holes.......did a good bit wrong...since he is one of the only neighbors we know, when it was time to have him back to do the last half again....he did it wrong. I am better at letting things go and looking for a reason he may be so off than AH is. Honestly it's none of my business but this man has to be on meds that are wrong for him or something to have done the mess he did. He's a professional and knows everyone here in this rural area. Something is off. May be age related but I found I woke up tense concerned over the way today may unfold. Well, it's not here yet so I'll tuck these into my noggin for the rest of the day while he's here and PRAY he gets this right, and for peace between these two men!
Happy 4th to you too Tude and to all....may your day be blessed, peaceful and serene!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I used some of these MANY times when my husband was actively drinking. I found that if I tried silence, he would feel slighted and would follow me around the house just itching for an argument... so these neutral responses were so much better!
Today I found a new one to help me stay in my own hula hoop with my soon-to-be-legal adult son..." I trust in your ability to handle this" PERFECT!
Thank you!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Love it PnP - I recently had a similar response to my youngest! He's not happy with his current level of income and without reminding him that it aligns with his current level of effort, I basically told him he was the smartest person I know and that I totally trust him to find a solution that works for him.
I didn't hear from him for a few days and did NOT assume or ask if I had upset or offended him. It's so hard to be a healthy parent with these young men we are raising....(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
hidden - you raise a valid point. When others take my inventory, I do set aside the emotion or drama if present and actively listen for the intent and message. I have learned a ton about me and my triggers by considering feedback I've heard from others - even when the presentation is 'less than stellar'...
I was told early in recovery to keep an open mind and an open heart. Dismissing feedback because of the source doesn't line up well for my recovery. I too believe HP leads me to the next right thing when I am open and ready.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
