The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, I have a problem. Rentals around here are getting expensive. While I make decent money, I don't make that much. Turns out, a lot of places want me to make 3x the rent in salary and that's proving to be hard on one income. I want to get out of here by next Saturday. I just keep praying that I find a way out and get a place that suits my son and I. I found a perfect place and I filled out the application tonight but felt very dejected because i'm not sure I'll get approved. I'm just praying that I get approved or that the landlord will see my investments and retirement monies and be willing to allow me to rent.
I'm so stressed out. I want to be out of here by next Saturday when my bf comes back from the cruise. I'm not sure that will happen if I have to keep waiting for credit approvals, ugh!
Sigh.....I need to control the stress!
if you all wouldn't mind sending positive vibes, prayers, and positive thoughts my way, please!
B
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Each night I will ask my HP to guide your path... the one that will be best for you and your son!
Wishing you light & Love!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Sending prayers and positive vibes Andromeda. Remember how far you've come in such a short space of time as well. Investments, retirement funds, a good job in this economy, in addition to all your amazing personal qualities.... It will work out. Maybe there's a good girlfriend you could stay with in the meantime, take some of the stress off the immediate need to find alternative accommodation? Again, sending all my positive thoughts. HP doesn't bring us this far to drop us on our heads. ((Andromeda))
Done. Just for today...and even more, just for the moment. Keep your head where your feet are. Patience doesn't always come easy.
Credit approvals are anywhere between an hour and a day or two turn around. I am in the financial business, and having "investments" is having something that 90% plus of people don't have. You have a job. You have retirement funds, which may not count tangibly in the decision, but shows that you are diligent, responsible, etc.
Relax. You just filled out the application. Next business day, they will be on it. You are a quality candidate. Slow down. Let it go. You will be fine. All the best.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
(((B))) - I too am sending prayers, positive thoughts and energy your way....you got this, whatever 'this' is - you got this!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks everyone. The landlord told me that I got the place!! YAY!!!
Even though most of my money is in retirement money, she acknowledged that my income alone was enough and that retirement money can always be liquidated, despite the IRS penalties, etc.
What made me nervous was that a woman looked at the place 10 minutes after I told the realtor that I wanted it and this woman wanted it, as well, and was ready to sign paperwork on the spot. But, the realtor said she really liked me, wanted to help me and she said she had already told me it would be mine upon approval!
Financially, things will be tight. But, my manager at work told me yesterday that she approved me for any overtime if I wanted to pick it up. She sat with me this week to review my skill set, to listen to my calls, and to see how I was adjusting to the job and she was confident I had the skills to manage more work and take on OT tasks and duties. That gives me a chance to bring in more money obviously, as well.
My son is having trouble with all of this but change is hard for everybody. He's 19 now and I have to remember that he has to work through his own pain in his own way, and that I can't fix it for him. He complained about how small his new room is going to be and I wasn't very nice when I responded, "Well, you're old enough to get your own place, get a full time job, etc and then you get to decide how big of a room you need!!!" He gets to come along for the ride, but I expect him to still pay for his own gas, clothing, and miscellaneous spending on food, etc. I don't want him to get too dependent on me right now.
I need to focus on my recovery work, my job and career possibilities, retirement funding, and on my own health (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc).
So, I'm organizing things today.
My bf messaged me this AM. He wants an explanation. Ugh. It's too late. I don't want to explain or reconcile or whatever. Sigh......it's crazy!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Congratulations! Great news! I love how you are getting all your ducks in a row while also fostering your son's growth into adulthood. Lots of work but well worth it. Keep taking care of yourself, one day at a time.
(((B))) - so glad you got the place you want!! I'm also sending you tons of positive thoughts and prayers!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
So wonderful to hear that you got the place!!! It is truly wonderful to see your HP at work (you got the place despite the other person trying to apply pressure to get it)!!!
You sound so strong and ready to tackle this new stage... I applaud you!!!
BTW, I say, "RIGHT ON!" to your response to your son. He is an adult. He can certainly go live on his own and have the biggest room he can afford (hello? can we say "broom closet?") LOL!!! Please do not feel guilty about saying that to him. He may be trying to play off your heartstrings, but you told him his reality... high five!!!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
As for an "explanation" being accused of cheating (not just worry about cheating, but being accused) when you've done no such thing, and him refusing to listen to reason about it, seems like a pretty obvious explanation to me. I know that there's more to it than that, but that alone would be a pretty strong reason. I remember this kind of attempt at entanglement from my A's behavior. He refused to believe that the big obvious elephant in the room - the drinking - could possibly be an issue. So he tried to get me involved in all kinds of other explanations. All really an attempt to divert attention from his role in it all. Boy, it was a relief when Al-Anon helped me understand that I didn't need to convince him. My A had plenty of opportunities to figure out his own part in the situation. He never took those opportunities. The great thing about your situation (though I know it probably doesn't feel "great") is that you're only responsible for your side of the street. And now you have a place to live on your side of the street!
Thanks everyone. The landlord told me that I got the place!! YAY!!!
What made me nervous was that a woman looked at the place 10 minutes after I told the realtor that I wanted it and this woman wanted it, as well, and was ready to sign paperwork on the spot. But, the realtor said she really liked me, wanted to help me and she said she had already told me it would be mine upon approval!
But, my manager at work told me yesterday that she approved me for any overtime if I wanted to pick it up. She sat with me this week to review my skill set, to listen to my calls, and to see how I was adjusting to the job and she was confident I had the skills to manage more work and take on OT tasks and duties. That gives me a chance to bring in more money obviously, as well.
Look at all those things -- not simply that they are positive things -- but the fact that other people and their actions, statements, feelings, etc.; all of that speaks to and about YOU!!! Why is it these people feel what they feel? Why do they want to help you? Why do they want to do for you? Why do they like you? And so on. Rhetorical questions, but the answers are very, very important. Feel good -- feel great -- about you, your recovery, who you are, who you are being, and so much more. That's amazing. All the best.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Happy dance for you Andromeda When on the right track, I've often found " the stars align", lol. How fantastic to have your own space! No concessions to decor required. I love it. In terms of explanations, I have observed through some of your sharings that the bf likes things his way. Breakups tend not to be rational at the best of times, so do take care and be safe during the move. Find my iPhone usage may suggest this is a person with some control issues and practically that the phone is linked to his name. If it is the latter, I'd also be replacing my device.
Congratulations and look forward to the settled in updates!
((((((((((((((((((Andromeda)))))))))))))))))) HUGS----PRAYERS-----and LOVE---- All being sent your way
Ya know?? things have a way of just working out just when we need them to..Yea, right now road looks like a rock pile, but during times like this, its not some sort of "test" it is just that HP has to work with several people to affect this change you need (just the right rental to come up)
When in these "transition" times, I do what I can..Do the right things..Make good energy...Leave the outcome over to my inner HP and because I have faith in my good energy output, I know it will be OK...I haven't replaced that abusive client as yet...yea, I am a bit concerned, but for right now?? I am OK..Replacement client or more work from regulars will come as needed...
I believe in good energy put out---good energy received back in...You are doing the right thing by you and your son...HP is gonna honor that...You watch!!!!!
Been sending you good energy from the git go, not going to stop now......BIG hugs of support
When on the right track, I've often found " the stars align", lol. How fantastic to have your own space! No concessions to decor required. I love it. In terms of explanations, I have observed through some of your sharings that the bf likes things his way. Breakups tend not to be rational at the best of times, so do take care and be safe during the move. Find my iPhone usage may suggest this is a person with some control issues and practically that the phone is linked to his name. If it is the latter, I'd also be replacing my device.
Congratulations and look forward to the settled in updates!