The material presented
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I had an opportunity to remember tools in my program which really helps still and for which I feel deep gratitude. The one I remembered and reused this afternoon was "What was your part in it"? The first time I was given that it ticked me off because it diffused the blame I was using and then brought it back on me. This afternoon I accidently kicked a heavy piece of work laying in my path which I failed to see and my first recourse was make my HP responsible until I heard "So what was your part in it?" You think my HP got that over to me? It doesn't hurt anymore and I made some corrections as a better "my part in it". (((hugs)))
Great tool --"Looking for my part" no longer can I judge and blame others, instead i can learn the lesson that life wants me to learn as I examine my part. Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Jerry
Thanks all. Just looking at myself this morning in regards to my A. Have made a request and now have to let it go. I can't expect any recovery on her end to be "my" way. It's tough to leave things up to her, but I need to refocus on myself, look at my part, and remember the three C's. It's not that I never get program "right," but I need to be constantly aware of the basics in Alanon and make sure I keep those close to my heart and mind. I am powerless, see my shortcomings , be ready for HP's guidance, etc., Lyne
I have to share that so often, when that question is brought forth from HP - What is your part? - I have an automatic physical response of an eye-roll! It's such a bad habit but so darn real for me - it's almost like a bop upside the head - and I am grateful that my part is much easier for me to see today as a result of working this program and trusting the process and HP!
(((Hugs))) all - hang in there Lyne - I recently had to do a restart of sorts with mine too.....what I can share is that each time I find myself left of center, it does seem easier to return to where I need to be with my feet facing forward. Sending you all tons of thoughts and prayers!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((((MIP Masters)))))WOW my confidence and gratitude soar while reading your responses. Of course that is why I rely on my MIP relationships and have for such a while. MIP is one of the my parts in it. "The elders respond" ...Thank you all.
Yep, I am with David.........step 10 comes to MY mind as well...and ya know, "what was your part in it" used to make me feel shame...now i see it as "ok, what is my lesson in this??? what do I need to work on, etc??? it doesn't necessarily mean I screwed up, i might just mean whatever it was that happened was a "proving to me that I am gonna be OK as long as I am honest, open, willing, etc" case in point
this bad job I had that literally was sucking the soul out of me...Passive aggressive remarks to me, put downs in a very shrewd, clever way, the filth, the total need to control me, even my restroom usage and my need to hydrate, nourish myself...a horrid place to work......But I STAYED!!!! WHY??? What was my part in my own misery????? it was FEAR....And I'm not gonna grow very much re: the fear unless I accept the need to belly up to the bar and be honest with me......
connect to my HP and this time commit to it, persevere in it and trust me and HP that "yea, you can walk away...and afford to....and be ok.....I got something better for you" that was my part in this experience....my F E A R based tendencies....well??? I decided last week on the 13, I think it was (my last day) that I'm gonna just invite my fears along and QUIT anyway!!!! And so I did...I sent her a brief text, did it on MY terms, not hers...Took care of me and my emotional health and I bailed!!!!! I just decided to trust in my HP and me whether I felt it or not, to just trust...I put out good energy, good energy shall come back to me and guess what!!!! A NICE client I work for, today, I showed up for work and the computer we use is dead....flat lined....so no work for me today, so the guy gives me 2 hrs. pay for showing up and tells me he wants to see more of me after I complete his income taxes, he wants me 2x per month and pays WELL!!!! I'm gonna be OK....my part in all this?? put out good energy and TRUST in the love and goodness of Creator and myself and keep showing up for my program.....
HUGS for this wonderful share, ((((((((((((((Jerry))))))))))) Loved reading you, as always
Jerry.... I sooooo love "what is my part", and know from experience that sometimes this can be asked with a gentle nudge, and sometimes I needed more of a sledgehammer to actually see and hear it. Case in point - I was at my ex-AW's treatment center, and we had just gone through an emotional family conference (where I explained to her and her counselor, exactly how her drinking had affected us as a family), and then they went back inside to work through the fallout of that.... In the meantime, a separate counselor came and explained to me that they were also available for me (as a family member) and whether or not I had anything I would like to talk about.
Well, I had been feeling pretty good about myself in recent weeks, finally seeming to grasp the whole concept of my recovery, and thinking that I was no longer really doing the pity party thing, as I had found that others feeling sorry for my plight was NOT helping me get better. So when he offered his ear, I gladly accepted. We had a good talk, and he asked me if there was anything else on my mind.... I answered "yes, part of me almost wants my wife to drink again, so that I can be done with this/her for good, and society would be on my side!" (Okay, shows I wasn't doing so hot at my recovery, lol). I think I was probably expecting a response like "Oh, poor Tom - it must be really hard", but what I got was quite different. The counselor said to me - "of course you do, that way you can continue to blame your wife and her drinking for everything that is wrong in your marriage, and not take responsibility for anything."
Well, I was..... it was..... how dare..... um, he was 100% right!
Thanks for the reminder Jerry - always helpful
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Great share Tom - so reminds me of when I am pointing fingers of blame at another across from me, there are 3 more + thumb pointed back my direction. I too at times needed a sledgehammer to 'see my part' and until I can or could, it was very difficult for me to learn from it.
Great thread Jerry - great discussion! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I need and love this feedback because it urges me into the reality of recovery. If I don't work it the disease will work me...over. I will now spend some time on those two of four levels that he disease affects in...mind and emotions. The parts I choose to treat negatively when I have other choices are the entry doors to my insanity. I do have some control in this which most often is making and keeping the choice of dealing with the insanity with my Higher Power and sponsor and meetings and literature and prayer and positive meditation.
Ever have that thought, "Yes I know how to let go of people, places and things I have no control over" BUT "This one is special".
I have to remember that the program does not award purple hearts. Mahalo for your support. ((((hugs))))
Tom, thank you for your share. Wow, I can relate to that! Halfway through reading I almost didn't want to read the counselor's response....... because I knew what was coming. Why? Because I can easily see that being said to me! Lol.
JerryF, thank you for this topic and your share. "what is your part in it"... I guess this question has been floating in the back of my mind and I've been trying very hard not to take a good look at it. I used to see this question as blaming. Now I understand this is a question of opportunity. By asking "What is your part in it," I can learn how I would like to do better next time.
Thank you all for sharing your wisdom, experience, strength and hope.
I Was Recently Struggling with Said Question "What's My Part in this!" in s Situation that Husband was In... and I Really had to Back up and Look at Me! I'm Such a Control Freak when it Comes to Crisis... And I STOPPED this time, and Ask HP for the Guidance to Show me what was Mine and What was Not! Turns out I did have a Roll to Play... but Crisis Control Freak Counselor was Not It!
So Thank you for the Gentle Reminder that I can't forget "My Part" in the Actions around me, cause Boy when I Do... The Magic Carpet Ride to He(( Begins...
So Many Miracles in one Safe Place :) Love it & All of You...
