The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After a lot of agonizing thinking I have decided to sell the house that my ex-alcoholic Bf and I own. He has moved 14 hours away to start a new life and I am here still at the house. I thought of everything and I am done with him and the house and I am ready to move forward with my life. I told him of my decision and he suddenly said I need to come back to the house and do this and that on it before we put it on the market. I am like yes, these things need to be done or the house will not be sold at all. There is issues with the electrical panel and was told without that being fixed this house will not be sold at all. Him being an electrician, he said, he will be back for a week in July to work on it. His responsibility, not mine. He as well, has belongings that he has just abandoned behind. I told him clearly in a text,when I move out, I am taking only my personal belongings that I need to furnish an apartment and leaving the rest as its not my stuff. Again, suddenly, he says we need to sell things and let it go. Yes, that would be a good idea. Again, not my stuff, not my problem. Its funny how when reality kicks in for an alcoholic, its like holy crap, I have to do something and its not thought out or properly planned. I have already de-cluttered my personal things and I am mentally ready to move on, and get an apartment and live my life, free of the alcoholic, forever. Meanwhile my plan is to to just do what I am doing and see if the alcoholic will follow through. My instincts says, no he will not follow through on what he says, not urgently. He wants to sell the house TODAY! Yes TODAY and get his money and move on. Things take time to do. My instincts says it will be at least 3 years maybe before he gets his act together to sell the house. He is struggling financially currently and I do not see how he will be able to get back here 2nd week of July to work on the house and get it ready for sale and then go back to where he is living. I see his reality as being delusional! But again, his problem, not mine. I am just going to do what I am going to do and let him deal with the renovations he claims he is going to do to get the house ready for sale. I am meanwhile just going to live here and continue to live my life until the house is sold. I am not going to be putting another penny in for renovations, until the house is sold or by some miracle, I own the house. I have a long term plan finally and I am grateful. Finally I will be free of him and the house. I am so grateful for a new beginning! I have plans and I am grateful for the miracle! It took me awhile to make this decision but now that I have, it feels great! I have a new life ahead of me and for that I am grateful! All I have to do is take it one day at a time and focus on me and what I must do to keep my sanity through this transition to freedom! I can not control what he says, does, think, believe, want but I can focus on me and my future that will be free of him and the house and the memories of all that I endured while I have lived here! I am grateful, grateful for all I have today and what freedom waits me! Live and let live is my thoughts today!
When a person makes this decision, with all of the circumstances, I say good riddance. Now, unfortunately, you just have to keep your distance dealing with him regarding the house. My ex said all the same things -- she ended up doing nothing! I got an agreement -- whatever money I put in so that the house could sell, I got back from the proceeds. I got a 0% ROR on that, but it protected my investment in the home. Regardless, congratulations!!!
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Good for you Joker - an attitude of gratitude is contagious!!! Thanks for the lovely share and keep doing you, One Day at a Time!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I know what you mean... when you finally make a decision, it is so freeing to move forward!!
Keep doing you!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
