The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its been a while, with house cleaning, deep cleaning, painting, fixing up, vintage furniture finds to make my place look more like what I want....
AND its been hectic in the work place....I have been doing a LOT of steps 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 with my higher power...yes, I said Higher power AS I UNDERSTAND IT and its within me...that part of the divine universe that is within me....I've decided to stop fighting life, stop trying to control the uncontrollables and be a CO creator of my life....
case in point:
I've had this boring job with a lady (working in her house) and shes nasty...nasty in dirty and unsanitary, (i.e., doesn't bathe but 2-3 x per week) and her house is a mess........ANd shes passive aggressive with me in put downs, and talking down to me....her husband has made a lucrative living for them and she is "better than poor lil me" who has to work for someone like her.....
I began to develope a real revulsion for her..disgust....yea, shes got money but zero class so no way is she better than I am
anyway, last Wednesday, 10 days ago or so, I go to work and shes unbathed, unkempt as usual (shes 46) and I come clean, tidy, well groomed as I always am and i go to work...I drink a lot of water so I have to visit the restroom 3-4 times in my 4 hour day....it wouldn't be a time consuming issue if I could flush the TP down with the rest of the waste, but they have a broken sewer pipe and so they use the TP and just toss it in a waste basket...after time, this begins to have a very unpleasent odor....well??? clean me, I spend time wrapping mine in more TP and a baby wipe so as to be as sanitary as possible and she says to me when I exit the RM...."you sure use the restroom a lot" and I look at her and say "so??? I drink water and yea, I use the restroom...so what????" she makes a cutting remark and I reply that if her bathroom was in acceptable shape, I could be in and out real fast and this woudl not be an issue
THEN its lunch time and time for me to take my 5-10 min break to drink my power shake that i bring in my own cooler bag, as I dont' want to put anything in her fridge, or touch her stuff....i sip my shake in about 8 min and I'm back at work..she comes into room and says "well...how much work did you do while I was gone???" I tell her "not much as you were gone 10 min and I spent about 8 drinking my shake which I am entitled to do" she says "I dont' pay you to drink" and I says "well I haven't charged you many times for little helps here and there so I would say we are even" THEN she , after losing both arguments comes up with "well..maybe its too much chatting between us...too much talk" I tell her "well it takes 2 to chat and its pretty even whose manning the topic, so guess what??? I won't talk to you anymore unless it is business and that works just fine for me".....she finally shuts up and gets to her work
I leave and her kids want to show me something b4 I leave so I see what they want to show me and I'm gone ......I am driving home and I decided to just ACT AS F I trust my inner HP and I make the decision to QUIT.....
I don't have a replacement for her..not really, but I know I have to go...NOBODY abuses me...NOBODY is gonna treat me like that.......so I wait till i know her check has cleared and I send her this text....(From my memory)
"i cannot any longer keep you as a client....the unsanitary conditions there at your house are detrimental to my health and also something has happened to cause you to be abusive to me, hence animosity between us, and I cannot work this way under these conditions because it undermines my performance..............Your recent behavior to me has created a hostile environment and that is never acceptable............good luck in your future endeavors"
I hit the "send" button and I am GONE!!!! I took care of me......I amsick of living in financial fear, fear I won't be ok...fear this ...fear that........I am DONE with fear.....so I told my HP within me that its time I step out and trust me and my HP that I will find another, more pleasing place to work and trust that in the meantime, I will be ok.....I am watching my spending but not paranoid....I just refuse to believe that the universe wants me to suffer, be in lack, be miserable....not with the good energy that I put out.....So I QUIT this job where I was NOT thriving, NOT growing, NOT utilizing my vast talents, and i was NOT growing professionally nor personally.....I dreaded those Wednesdays I had with her............NOW its OVER........
I may have a new guy, a trucker, to replace her...we shall see in July...but ya know??? I am done worrying about friggin money....I have some savings...my bills are low...house paid off...nice car, paid for....low overhead, I got all these vintage pieces of furnilture at thrift store and made my place look REALLY cute and it was shrewd shopping that did it........I have excellent health, good folks who love me...ONE daughter who is wonderful to me (other one comes and goes out of my life and refuses to answer my emails, so I am walking away from her roller coaster ) but for the most part, I am OK
just gonna trust that I am gonna be OK
So I work on my body to keep it in great shape...lately I've added my prayer and meditation life to get and keep my spirit in good, healthy shape....I can't benefit from my HP if I don't get quiet and do my prayers and my thanks giving.....
((Rose)) good job taking care of yourself It sounds as if you said what you needed validated yourself and did not say it mean
Good to see you back posting
Glad to see you back, and wonderful that you stood up for yourself!
I LOVE finding vintage finds! I bet your house is looking sweet!!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Hey (((Betty)))) I just had to , not isolate, but kinda "get with me and my HP" and work some serious stuff out....like why can't I make life work better??? answers always were and are within...I was taking on life alone, not connected to my HP within.....I would rather believe and be wrong then not believe and be wrong....does that make sense??? Like something really great created me and there has to be a part of that universal creation within me, but if I don't reach out...ask...I only have me to blame...so its been some veeeeery heavy steps, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 and even 8-9 work with ME and HP....the energy does seem lighter...less heavy and dense as it was.....surrendering doesnt' scare me anymore...its like "OK...HP YOU do the uncontrollables and I'll do what I can to set in motion good things and YOU take care of the outcome" LOTS less stress on me......I hope this made sense....as always, good to "see you" your avatar is lovely...
PnP, my little friend...I hope life is treating you well...
YES, I love my vintage furniture..donated the last of the pieces that had particle board in them...now my place is all wood furniture be it vintage or newer, its lovely WOOD...I just hate man made stuff, LOL....there is this thrift shop that gets the neatest stuff.....I got another piece of work out machinery from them...a bike that is like an eliptical as well...between it and my rower and my total crunch, I work every muscle in my body except maybe my ear muscles.....i try to get in at minimum 30 min a day of real good exercise.....
as to the furniture again, I found some pieces that go back to the 20's and 30's....Love it.....
and Betty! I had to write and re-write that text so as to not lower my dignity..I mean the first "drafts" I was tearing into her, but this time I waited...(till her check cleared) then I prayed and meditated about how can I take good care of me...get my point across.....set firm boundaries, and QUIT w/out being a jerk about it....so yea, I had to wait a few days , cool off., so I could send proper text.......it is gonna be nice to work for this other nice Wed. client I've had for several years now, who is very nice to me and never to see her again.....NOBODY has the right to put another down because they might have more money....you don't take it with you when you die....yea, I hope to bring more income in so I can have more fun, but money is not my higher power
TODAY, I had a good day, spent a little money at my favorite thrift shops (2 of them) conservative because I have not replaced the client whom I quit, but I refuse to live in financial fear..I refuse to let fear run my life...I am casting the burden of any fear onto my HP within and I go free to be in peace and taken care of........
Well today, I show up at a NICE client's office after we got shut down last week due to power failure and the poor chap's computer was D E A D---I mean flat lined....I didn't know what to do to help the poor guy...He paid me for 2 hours work just for showing up, only to have to go back home...I called my guru as I am a tech but not for those all in one computers....so my guru told me "no worries, I can fix it" so I told client and he was grateful...he also said he wanted more of me because he likes me and likes my work....been with him on and off for 7 years at least and hes a sweetheart....when I left, I gave him a hug and told him "this too shall pass" Thanks to HP he backed up ALL our stuff before the computer's hopefully temporary death....poor guy..I felt so bad for him....anyway, I will be FINE w/out the other client..I wasn't growing there, nor was I utilizing all my skills....I wasn't happy with the filth, her attitude and also the work....HP has something better in mind for me.........
