The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I Had An Al-Anon Friend Once make a Statement to me that Kinda Took me by Surprise, She Stated She Didn't know I was So "Sensitive" because I Personally had Never Seen myself this way, but over the last Couple of Years, working on my recovery, Sobriety & Spirituality... Welp She was Right... :)
The Short Version: We had an Al-Anon Friend I Personally only knew for just over 3yrs in the program... I Had spent the Week before with her and another friend and she was Great, we had a Blast, No Mention of Being Sick, or Feeling Sick and the Next Day she was Just going to see her Doctor for her Annual Check up....
That Night, I went to my Meeting and Another Friend says, Very 'Matter A fact'... "Well I Guess you know Our Girl has Cancer & It Don't Look Good, They aren't giving her Much Hope!"
I don't even think My Lips Moved, I Barely remember Finding my Chair, and I Honestly Don't remember the Topic or anything Else from that Meeting, and I Just Sat there and Tears would Roll & I Would Just let it happen, (Now Mind you this Lady that told me is Blind, so She can't See me!) the others next to me would just rub my Back or My Leg. But I Never Made a Sound...
Later I Guess Another Member had Mentioned to this lady My State in the meeting, and She Called me the Next day to make an amends to being so "Direct" since she didn't Realize I was So "Sensitive." I Of Course Accepted her Amends, and She is Still the Dearest to Me & My Recovery!
I Was Not Sensitive in my Alcoholic Home... But I Remember Very well those Silent Tears on My Pillow each night My Parents would be Screaming at each other & I Would Pray for it Stop... I had to be Bad A$$ to Survive, I had to Manipulate Feelings so I Could Not let them See Me Weak. Sensitive, Tears, all Meant I was Weaker then the One that Didn't act that Way... "Look at Your Little Brother You Don't see him Acting like that!" These where Parenting Skills in my House!
So when this Dear Lady told me I was Sensitive, To me it was Slap in the Face... "How Dare she see me as WEAK!" ( I Could Honestly Feel My Body Being Offended, Tense!) Because that is Part of my Disease, I Had to Learn that My Way of Thinking isn't always Right! I have Manipulated Myself Just as Much as I have Manipulated those that Have Loved Me all my Life. I Learned how to get the Things I wanted and I knew exactly who and what to go to, to do it! Right or Wrong!
Recovery is not for Sissy, or the Weak by No Means, but I Can tell you... Being 'Sensitive' is a Blessing Al-Anon gave me, and they are Ok with it & Now So am I! Because I know I'm Not Weak, and I'm Far from Perfect... But Sitting in a Room full of Loving People that Just want to Heal, and Help Me Heal. Even if I Cry the Whole time! Is Such an Amazing Blessing. They still come up and Wrap their Arms around me and Say "Keep Coming Back, Your Doing Great!" (even if I don't Breathe a Word, Just tears or Silence) They have Given me the Family I have Always Wanted, and the Support that I'll be Forever Grateful for...
Just Like MIP, I have Not Met any of you Face to Face... that I am Aware of, but many of you Know more of my Life & Feelings, and Addictions then those closest to me, because you All Come here to Share Your ESH, and Show the Rest of us How to Pull up the Big Girls or Big Boys, and Get back to Living "Happy, Joyous & Free" thru the 12steps with the Help of HP... What a Great Place to be!
(((Jozie))) - great share ... Grateful you are part of my journey!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Jozie for this share. I am often told I am too sensitive. I take everything too personal. the best thing about program is that I have learned to be ok with it in some ways. But, in other ways, I do believe I need to think about the other person's intent and try to gather whether they meant to be hurtful or if maybe I was reading into something simple. I also try to think about the person who delivered the perceived transgression.......is this normal behavior for them or is this something unexpected from them. Basically, I've learned to step back and take a few deep breaths before I react or respond.
Without program, I used to just smile and go away and cry or lick my wounds because I walked around with hurt feelings all the time. I've learned to ask people, "Why did you say that? what did you mean by that? that was hurtful, etc" If I determine that I overreacted, though, I will make amends to the person and tell them I acknowledge my own shortcoming. It's all part of learning how to be honest and truthful with myself and with others.
Hugs and love to you!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Hi Jozie. I wish I had everyone elses way of wording things except.......my own lol. I fragment. Both of you never fragment lol. I sooooooooo get what you are saying. I had my first, real sober cry right here on MIP this year! I was so frozen in all my emotions that everything was held deep inside, not allowed to surface or escape. I couldn't even cry at funerals! That would embarrass me to no end. I was crying inside........but not out. Those walls are terribly destructive to ourselves. Today I am learning to care for myself and take time to begin hammering the walls down. One day at a time. Today I see the warzone of "home" growing up as a family of sick individuals who were doing all they could to survive.
Isn't it odd to be a person who loves and cares too deeply about everyone and yet so frozen? Fear can do that. The uncertainty of each day and wondering what the night will bring takes much time to heal. I feel wonderful and would not have made it had God not led me to this program!!
Such a powerful share, Jozie!
I am not sure why, but your words resounded for me today! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions
I could really identify with both you and Andromeda...your shares help me to see that I am not the only one with these feelings!
I too, have always been labeled as "too sensitive." This program has helped me to "Pause" so that I can QTIP. This has been key for me. As an empath, I am always evaluating other's emotions and trying to mold from that. That isn't always healthy for me... I now see that. And I can take things so personally.
Just wanted to say how thankful I am that you and others are sharing this important topic!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
