The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
At yesterday mornings meeting a woman issued lots of language on taking her 4th step after which I thanked her for mentioning mine. Her experiences were much like the ones I have had. We all had a bit of a laugh at how that works and then it stuck with me right up until I went to bed and to sleep. I started to re-experience thoughts and feelings which were very old and yet seemed fresh. I expressed in thought and feeling ownership to and for wrongs I had forgotten and those which had not been revealed yet.
I know from experience who and how my actions had harmed and left thinking and feeling that they were at fault. Oh yes we can even read it here at MIP from those who have been or are hurting and feel the whole matter is their fault. That is one of the reasons steps 4 thru 8 ...especially 8 are so necessary. I didn't feel totally wonderful thinking about it yet this morning when I work up it was to the question, "Do you love yourself as God does"? which caused me to question also, "How well does HP love me. Have I made proper amends"?
At this mornings meeting one of the speakers, a man who is a former sponsee stepped up with, "God's love is unconditional" and that was all I needed to hear. Mahalo Akua...Thank you God. ((((hugs))))
Powerful share brother.....and I did not come here believing God's love was unconditional! As a matter of fact, I believed the exact opposite, and felt quite certain I was unworthy of grace, love or forgiveness from God. It took each of the steps + a great sponsor + tons of meeting, fellowship and more to truly come to believe that not only does God love me unconditionally, he truly wants all of us to be happy, joyous and free!!!
So grateful to be reminded that belief in a power great than I and my limitations as an imperfect person are a perfect match for the one with the master plan. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for the soul searching share....when I think I've made all the amends I need to, new ones do come to mind. Then action can be taken. Sometimes it feels easy and other times, not so much. Like IAH, I did not feel deserving of respect, love, acceptance, or anything good. I learned in my FOO that only a very angry and abusive brother had those things. Many changes have happened with my daily practice of alanon. I can face most things with improved strength and courage. And that's only because my alanon contacts and HP welcome me. It's a wonderful experience, Lyne
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I get to think about that question again as I have in the past and then listening to HP's response to it...Do you love me and how much do you love me? A gal at a nightly Al-Anon meeting once gave me her definition of love as she was taught by the fellowship. "Love is the complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly who they are". That remains at the top of the list as my definition of love. My HP agrees with it also. ((((hugs))))
I sooooooooooooo needed to read this Jerry!!! An unexpected death in the family this week left me thinking of those awful things, way I acted last time I saw many of them 8 years ago. It brought back feelings of shame and embarrassment. I love the response and on your 2nd response too, I was thinking maybe "love may be the complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly how they are but..............." perhaps that also needs to be extended to ourselves a bit more often. Especially after those steps have been taken.........as I sit here wondering if I should even do anything about the situation (that too involved an ugly dispute at a funeral over someone who was a very sad ugly person.....) the person I offended is no longer here. Perhaps a journaling would be wise ..........
Great Share as Always... When I Landed Here I Didn't Know God/HP/or Me! I was Raised to believe your Slightest mistakes got you a fast ticket to Hell... Thee End! and in those Beliefs Came My Attitude of "Well I'm Already Screwed so 'WATCH THIS!'... and I had My Mind Made up by 12... I Was Accepting Hell!!
I didn't love myself at all for Many Decades, Or if at All till I found My Way to the 12 Steps! And the Only thing that Saved me was God/HP Sprinkled me with Moments of Clarity, & Spirituality... I Had to Believe in my Heart that If Anyone Could Save Me (Since God was Out!) it was My Grandma In Heaven, because to Me she was a Saint! So I Just Started Praying to Her Very Early On... (I Lost her at 14, And she was My Only Voice of Reason till that Point!) My Addictions took a Huge Turn for the Worst after Loosing her!
Al-Anon Gave me the Breathe of my HP's Love, and Slowly I Started Breathing in the Good, and Letting Go of Bad... Thanks for this Reminder Brother! You Always Speak to my Soul, and Help me Find a Way to "Rethink" things that May not have been thoroughly Looked at Just Yet! Gratitude Always for you and Your Journey
