Today I have been counting the miracles big and small:

 

So I am the mother of the groom in September. I have to go out shopping for my mother of groom dress. The place closest with most selection is off an exit on the highway that I have never wanted to use again, because it is the exit of where my son was in jail about 7 yrs ago. 

He had quite a serious drug problem back then and was in jail with a bail of just $20. We refused to bail him out. (doing nothing is often really doing something I have learned in Al-anon) But doing nothing and NOT getting in the way of this 22 year old's consequences was brutally, brutally hard---so I also found out doing nothing is not for sissies. I had to go to read literature, cry, talk & attend many meetings so that I could learn just how to be supportive without saving him looked.  How to care without controlling and how to be concerned without getting consumed. I needed loads of hugs and to hear other ppl's stories and experiences of what that is actually like in practice. The phrase that came to me from one dear Ala-pal was to say and act from this place: "I will support your well-being (recovery) but I will not support your demise (disease)."  OR  "I love you, but am not comfortable doing that..." When they want an explanation just pause and repeat phrase---had to also learn that we do not owe an explanation to anyone.

 

So fast forward 7 yrs, my son is doing well after about 4 additional bumpy/scary more years. He has developed a deepening faith, has gone to school, built a thriving business and is getting married in September to a young woman whom we admire and adore. There is a beautiful miracle right there.

 

He does not go to meetings and does seemingly drink and smoke pot to some degree. The miracle is that knowing that is not driving me crazy with concern. I rarely go there in my mind, because Al-anon has taught me: 1. it is not my business or responsibility to know this 2. I can have contentment and even happiness no matter what someone else is doing. 3. My son has a higher power and I am not it. 

 

The other miracle is that seeing that exit sign and anticipating going there for the wedding dress for HIS marriage to a NICE healthy wife drew such a stark contrast between where we were to where we are now. Where I am now to where I was then. 

 

Then recently he mentioned something about how much money he is giving to his church and I was thinking "he can't afford that..." (like it is my business) and then I thought wow, what a great concern to have--back then it was about how much money he was paying his drug dealer. Another miracle.

 

I am beyond grateful for the beauty in my life in this and other areas that I see when I pay attention...and I realistically know it can change on a dime too, we have all seen that. But when I go to the "what if this or that happens and his life goes down the tubes".... I can make a quick switch to "ya and what if it is all ok?" And "what if higher power is always there to guide love and strengthen me no matter what happens?" That is a "what if" miracle I can count on thanks to the steps, spiritual growth and everyone here.

---Thanks for reading---May we all remain aware & present to the gifts everywhere around us, Luv123