The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Trying to sort out what is hormonal and what is actual since my perceptions are a little skewed at the moment.
I'm watching things play out around me at the moment through work and some friendships I have .. I'm trying to put boundaries up and not make them walls it's just hard when it seems others won't listen my boundaries wind up having spikes in them for extra measure.
Work has been interesting .. things have settled down however I can totally tell when my work partner isn't getting the attention she needs, papers, phones are slammed .. I'm constantly interrupted with things that aren't necessary. I also know she's adjusting to the fact that there are things I'm just not going to participate in with her. She gets herself worked up and I ignore it. I have watched and listened to a LOT on my phone .. LOL.
One of my very best friends .. my heart aches as her mother is dying, I know it's hard for her. Her and her sibling and vying for the who's the better daughter award and destroying their relationship in the process. Completely unrealistic expectations (my observation is that the other sibling is emotionally fragile and can't cope with the reality of what's being told, mom isn't much better) and she's getting off on the drama that's coming from the rest of the family. I won't play at it anymore .. it makes me feel ill to watch. I don't know how to do relationships with others however destroying someone else so I feel better about myself has no charm in it. This is a very ugly/hurt side of my friend and it's difficult to watch because I empathize with the pain she's in at the moment .. I am unclear how to best support her and not validate the behavior. I have made the statement to the fact.
My BF is dancing around some ex behavior that he doesn't and shouldn't be involved with .. I guess the lesson I am seeing is that letting go of past behavior is very difficult. Something about the past 6 months has very much been about letting go .. and this is with my oldest as well as with my past. So it's perplexing to have it continually in my face with what I see is wasted energy .. I wouldn't want my dying parents last memory to be of my sibling and I fighting over who's the better daughter .. or the rest of the family running one down .. I am SOOOO glad that side of my X's family I have no contact with, it is way ok. I know what I need to know when I need to know it .. that's it .. and usually my HP runs the show on that .. so no one is reporting to me. I have faith that if I need to know .. I will know.
Thank GOD for Alanon .. LOL .. I have been listening to a bunch of different podcasts and that's been a big saving grace.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Hi Serenity-I think I hear detachment with love in your share. There is always crazy-making all around me. I don't know where I would be without alanon-not a good place, that's for sure. Learning and practicing how to focus on me, and not on them, is hard work but a blessing. I used to feel destroyed by others. Now I still get affected by them, but I am able to come back fighting. Sounds like you do too, Lyne
I struggle with being a big observer .. lol .. so I watch others constantly and it's fascinating which gets me into trouble .. LOL. I like to watch people and how they react as well as respond in different situations. I am just easily annoyed at the moment .. lol.
I hope that I'm detaching with love however I'm not feeling very lovey if that makes sense.
The positive about all this is that I'm standing on the fringes vs getting sucked in and that's a REALLY good thing. I get to frustrated when others don't see what I see .. because it seems so obvious .. then I have to remind myself others don't think like me.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I saw the title of your post and was intrigued and I am glad I read your post. I have not seen all of your journey through here because I only first tried this group back in September and I have come and gone, but I found a lot of loving comments in your feed and your friend is lucky to have you. I am still learning about loving while detaching and I think I am going to struggle with that for a long time. Your post gives me hope. I hope your friend and her sister both come to a better place before their mother passes away because they both will have a lot of guilt after she passes and that is not going to feel too good for either of them.
(((S))) - I see acceptance too along with growth, detaching, program, etc. For me, I can cruise along very well and feel blessed, serene and joyful and then - life happens and it's so, so hard to just keep with my side of the street! I can do it but feel it's 'forced' at times which my sponsor suggests is practicing the program in all our affairs.
I do have to honor my feelings - good, bad and/or indifferent. I too am grateful for Al-Anon because if I am truly unsure what to do next, I've got a tribe who share ESH and support. I do often feel as if, "I am growing up in public" and it can be awkward!
Keep doing you and what you're doing - it looks awesome on ya and seems to be working!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
