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While I was posting the update earlier I got the dreaded call to come and pick up my AH from detox. I have worked the last 5 nights (busy), lost sleep and finally had a moment of peace and in an instant I feel that coming unraveled because I instantly had a meltdown and lost it. I have had all this anger and hurt from the last few days and it just came bursting out. As predicted, my AH won't go to rehab and says he can manage on his own and I should file for the divorce. I am seeing that this is my reality. He has no plans to help pay for the divorce because he says, "well you are the one wanting it so I will not pay." And he isn't going to pay anything in the home while we go through the divorce. So I guess I have all my answers that I need to move forward. It's going to be a tough road, but the battles I have gone through with the AH in some ways has prepared me to be alone, because I have been alone really for a long time. Thank you everyone and please keep my son and me in your prayers. I know this can and will probably get worse before it gets better.
For what it's worth, my life got better the day my A moved out of the house, even though the divorce didn't come for some time. I really hope the same will be true for you.
I know that him declaring he won't pay is stressful and infuriating. One silver lining might be that if he doesn't hire a lawyer, he won't be fighting back with all kinds of crazy obstacles. And you'll save money that way too.
Sending you warmest wishes for a smooth process and a better future. I know this is tough. You're showing incredible strength.
Thoughts and prayers going for you and your son. The alcoholic is delusional and is supposed to be as being "under the influence" of a mind and mood altering chemical. Get him in front of the judge and see what comes about...Turn it over to your HP and keep HP close along with your sponsor and home group. I will send prayers for him also. ((((hugs))))
I echo what others have shared .. it's easier and sometimes more painful when the blinders come off from the sun in the long run .. you know what you are dealing with and for me it's easier to deal with reality than the fantasy of what I think I want. That false expectation on myself is so much more destructive.
In much support, S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
While I was posting the update earlier I got the dreaded call to come and pick up my AH from detox. I have worked the last 5 nights (busy), lost sleep and finally had a moment of peace and in an instant I feel that coming unraveled because I instantly had a meltdown and lost it. I have had all this anger and hurt from the last few days and it just came bursting out. As predicted, my AH won't go to rehab and says he can manage on his own and I should file for the divorce. I am seeing that this is my reality. He has no plans to help pay for the divorce because he says, "well you are the one wanting it so I will not pay." And he isn't going to pay anything in the home while we go through the divorce. So I guess I have all my answers that I need to move forward. It's going to be a tough road, but the battles I have gone through with the AH in some ways has prepared me to be alone, because I have been alone really for a long time. Thank you everyone and please keep my son and me in your prayers. I know this can and will probably get worse before it gets better.
You got through it and you are OK. My wife did the same thing -- blamed me, it was my idea, so I should file for divorce. Yes, she said I wanted it so I should go do it. She said she wouldn't pay toward it, for it, etc. I have no idea what she was talking about, LOL. If you see an attorney, he/she will tell you what they can do to protect your rights, finances, etc. (vis a vis paying bills during the divorce process). But, keep the focus on you, just like you are doing.
While it may seem or appear to get worse before it gets better -- if you are doing what you need to do for you, then you are moving in the right direction...you getting better, you getting healthy...and that's progress. So, it may not be worse so to speak, but may just be part of what you will go through as you are getting better and as your life is getting better. One day at a time.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
(((Kat))) - I too am sending you and your son thoughts and prayers.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
