Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Update about Work

Tude · Senior Member

Hi tt. Wow, that's just amazing how it all worked out! You did great!!!!!!! Better than I would have by all means. Hopefully ms busybody, or ms stalker will rethink her need to be so nosy........... Hugs!!!

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Big HUGS ..

I want you to know TT I really empathize with your situation and admire your thought process as well as program work. This is just an unfortunate situation to have to navigate through. There has been work drama at my job and I am choosing to stay out of it. An interesting observation I have made and my work partner and I have discussed is how much power she chooses to give away and I am so not seeing that in what you are choosing to do so good on you. She finally was able to take that power back .. she wrote out a very well thought out letter so she would have a guideline and not get sidetracked with other BS and presented that between our boss and the other person in question .. what has happened is .. she owned her part and allowed the other person to sit in their own stuff .. this is incredibly positive .. and I'm sooo proud of her because I KNOW how hard it was for her to do this. I mean she's a stubborn woman .. LOL .. and we have laughed about this situation and I only pray she continues on her path .. she's starting to see how wasted her energy is when it comes to trying to fix manage and control and it reminds me how powerless I am over others.

Anyway .. good on you .. stand in your truth .. the outcome is already decided and whatever happens the positive out of this is growth and that's pretty dang huge in my book.

Hugs S :)

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

((TT))) good work TT. validating yourself and staying true to your principles are great ways to be in the world

PosiesandPuppies · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds like you are handling this well. I too would be uncomfortable with anyone having access to my email with just their "word" that they won't read them!

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey TT - I agree with what's been shared back - it sounds like you are being authentic and true to you. I can not think of any better way to handle this - sending positive thoughts and prayers your way for a great outcome...(((Hugs))) too!

Freetime · ~*Service Worker*~

Best of luck, TT. I'm thinking just from a business standpoint it is never a good idea to let one person access another person's password/email, so it's not very wise for your supervisor to ask that. If your company has an IT department, they should be able to advise on a better way for email to be forwarded to someone else when an employee goes on vacation, out sick, etc. I have a feeling this will all work out in the best way for you.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Hi (((everyone)))

Thanks for the support. The situation has been escalated. Others are being questioned about what they might have seen and heard. I feel vulnerable. My supervisor had gone to the person in the next cubicle after the incident and was whispering to them for awhile. I had not mentioned that to the HR person who spoke with me. They will be speaking to this person tomorrow. I don't know if the employee has any special allegiance to my supervisor. The HR person is going to speak to others who were within hearing distance. I'm only there a few weeks. No one really knows me. I was considering calling the HR rep to tell them that my supervisor had a lengthy conversation immediately following our episode. The more I consider this the more I want to leave it in my hp's hands. Guys, I know I impressed HR when I spoke with them. As they typed up my statement I heard them say out loud in a low voice to themself "awesome." In the end, this person told me to document anything in the future and to continue to assert myself. Fear causes me to worry that my authentic testimony which was validated and almost celebrated (thank you hp and Alanon) may not stand strong against the recall and possible allegiance of others to my new boss. I am going to trust though that this go ok. I know the person before me reported my boss many times. I am new and trouble continues. They spoke to her today. This morning she was very nervous. After, she couldn't have acted nicer to me. Acted is the key word here. Yes, I know people can change but she has continued to apologize and go back to inappropriate behavior. She even did a few passive agressive things despite just having been called into HR. She tried to have me fetch some things for her, literally. It was a power move. I offered her my key to get whatever she needed from the common space. She left and used hers and got what she wanted. I'll spare you the rest. My point is that she is resentful over this and although I didn't report her she likely is still holding me responsible. Well guess what? I feel some resentment too. I resent her mircromanagement and intrusion into my personal space, life. I resent that what I believed would be an exciting new opportunity is peppered with her insanity. I had been doing a pretty good job "managing" her crazies but admittedly it's been very tiring. It is a gift from my hp that the incident was reported. In honesty, I know my motivation in getting louder was to get someone else to do what I didn't have the courage to do myself because of fear of retaliation. I have been trying to draw positive energy to me. I've been introducing myself to just about everyone at the company who encounter, in the elevator, at the sinks in the restroom and say a little something pleasant and ask their name and their dept. I met someone else who is new today. She is not as new as myself but new and we had a laugh about not being able to find our way around the company. In an odd way I felt less alone when I went back to my desk. I will probably keep posting to you because it helps me with my serenity and reasoning things out. I feel so loved, encouraged and supported by all of your responses. Thank you so much! I need to keep myself out of HALT. I'm trying to practice good self care. Reading cal helps but also any kind of positive reading. It helps me to let go and let god do for me what only a higher power can which is to care for me beyond anyting I can do. (((hugs)))) TT

Tude · Senior Member

tt, you are a wonderful example of the program at work. Very encouraging for me to read how you are handling it all. I just want to let you know that.

Hugs!!

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

(((TT))) - I am grateful for you and all that it's the weekend! For me, when I had issues at work, the weekend really was a respite from whatever was happening there....I hope you keep taking good care of you and giving it up to HP - you are doing the next right thing and that's all that is expected.

(((Hugs))) girl - as we say in recovery, no matter what happens, you will be OK! Just keep doing you!

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Thanks (((tude)))) for the wonderful compliment. I'm so grateful for our program and to have these healthy guiding principles to lean on when I feel fearful. A coworker who was interviewed by HR told me what she said. She brought up a history of this behavior by my boss and used behavioral labels about my supervisor and tried to give a few examples. My coworker pointed out many things that I had and dates of occurences matched. She also waged a complaint about my supervisor's behavior toward herself and and others. My coworker said my boss was very "controlling." Coworker also told me not to get hopes up that things will change for the better because they only had just so many examples to present and thought HR was looking for something that represented a "hostile" environment. My coworker said to me that what is going on is harassment but they believe only sexual harassment is something that the company really cares about. For myself, it's difficult to use principles about personalities at times working for my boss because most things I say are taken by my supervisor to a dark or negative interpretation. Recovering abf has told me he suspects from what I have shared that my boss is an alcoholic. My coworker who advocated for themself as well as me in what they presented to HR, said my boss is very insecure and jealous of friendships her subordinates past and present foster with surrounding coworkers. I will tell you that my supervisor's workspace looks like a cyclone hit it. There is stuff in disarray everywhere. Supervisor is not trying to branch out to my workspace. I am going to have to think of a polite but firm way to assert a new boundary concerning this.

I would like to be able to get a job within this company with another department. I suppose I will have to wait since I've just started. There is absolutely no reason why I should have to endure a person like this for years like the person who came before me. A coworker reached out to that person in email who is at another workplace and they advised that I "run." They said to tell me that they had not gotten a raise for years and they were going to be getting one at the time they had elected to finally quit. I like to think people can change. I know that my focus should always be what can I do, what is my responsibility in each circumstance. More people will be interviewed by HR. I have no idea if this has already occurred with my boss. I am very confident that I will still have a job. I am confident in my ability to hold my ground and remain professional as I work on my Plan B. The behavior pattern is there and in only a short time there I recognize it. It's not unfamiliar - act out inappropriately, apologize, display remorse, overcompensate and then do it again. Truthfully, when my boss is between remorse and overcompensation I could likely manipulate her but that is a 4th step item I resolved in myself a long long time ago when living with active alcoholism. Whatever my boss' issue, my program has taught me not to prey on another's vulnerabilities. On the other hand, that doesn't mean that I put themself first and not protect or advocate for myself in the situation.

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out but at least I've been able to tell someone with authority to enact change that I am being mistreated and to affirm my interest to that person in continuing to work for the company.

Thank (((iamhere))) I do have some nice plans for this weekend which I've been looking forward to. Recovering abf is a bit tired of hearing about my situation at work. Of course I listened to his complaints daily for a long time LOL. He complains that I am making my supervisor my hp. This is the problem when two are in recovery, he has all the program answers lol Just kidding! I was so relieved when I got home to be home. In honesty, it felt sad to have such a feeling of relief and safety. I think I'll feel more balance when this event concludes. And yes, I agree whatever happens I'll be OK. I need to aware of all the areas of my life and others in my life and the attention that is deserved. When I was new to Alanon, I got lost in another's disease and of course this is in fact, the Alanon's own disease to do this. What the alcoholic was or wasn't doing was all encompassing. I neglected my loving family members, I neglected my own wants and needs and I absolutely neglected my god. This led to many amends. I am going to be present and enjoy my time off. My Alanon program has shown me the way to honor all the parts of my life and I'm grateful. I hope you have a great weekend too.

TT

Maresie · Senior Member

I.can.relate very much. I have been around this path many.tomes. For me.my.emptional.health at.work is so key. I had no idea how to manage situations like the one you are in. Now I.can often fond out who I need to be more boundaries with early on. No job is perfect. I tend to go into.jibs pretty warily these days. I start off part time with an enquiring mind Being willing to be open.and.enquiring has.been.helpful.for.me. I.keep.my.expectations.very low. This is tremendous work you are doing on being observing amd.detached. In recovery I can still be.over.involved.and reactive. Now with al.alanon.I can have.some measure.of detachment. Maresie

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Thank you (((maresie))) I'm sorry to hear you have had this experience more than once. I certainly have as well. Like you I am trying to be very careful and set good personal and professional boundaries. I am so new and because others have been asked about the situation by HR, some are coming to me to find out more information and feeding me information. I really have to not get sucked into this dynamic. My boss has changed her behavior over the last few days. I think she is surprised how much work I can do in a very short time when I'm not micromanaged. Now she's happy as a pig in @%*#. I know she is full of drama and disorganization so I'm just trying to detach as you mentioned and I am now holding onto my finished work and giving it to her when I either leave for a break or lunch. She tends to utilize me the minute I walk over to her - gives me a boatload more to do since I'm competent (to her surprise). She has toned it down with asking every minute what I am doing. Just about everybody reported that about her. And since the person before me got fed up and quit.. well, HR is listening a little more carefully, hopefully advising her. I'm taking it odaat. I believe I won't ever be able to really let my guard down with her. She is one who takes advantage. So listen, I can act as if with the best of them wink I act as if it's all good but I'm watching my back concerning her and in general. I'm professional and courteous but I don't engage in the talk, possible entrapment from her allies. Thank you for sharing and for your support. You sound like you are doing a good job taking care of yourself in workplaces after some hard experiences. (((hugs))) TT

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene