The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I swear my life is the Truman Show .. I live in an alternate universe and there is a camera crew following me around .. LOL. They are looking for my Lucy reactions to things that happen .. and boy are they there.
Jerry Springer should call me for a storyline, I'm totally trying to stay in my own hula hoop and not get into things that are NONE of my business. It's so hard when I see the literal train wreck coming and I know we are not getting involved in the aftermath .. I can only hope that everyone involved starts to do some serious growing up. Thankfully my kids aren't involved, I'm not and my bf is only indirectly involved.
He is trying to extend the olive branch to his daughter and wants to get everyone together .. after the news that was received today I'm really ok with the status quo .. lol .. I will do whatever makes him happy and doesn't create a huge amount of chaos for our immediate circle. Unfortunately he doesn't see the pending crisis the same way I do. When it hits and it's not an "if" it's a "when" he will be hurt as well as confused as to how did this happen .. and now what .. all I can do is keep my big fat mouth shut and my comments to myself especially given that he's happy and I'm grateful for that fact.
I am concerned with the collateral damage that my boyfriend will absorb .. he's done a lot of growing up over the past year and I only hope that this will be another step in the ladder of growth.
Big hugs,
S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Ditto what Betty said - sending you prayers and positive thoughts!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Will offer up a prayer for your family to my HP tonight!
((((Serenity))))
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I didn't manage to keep my mouth shut this has good and bad attached to it.
One thing that I did discover is a game I did not realize I even played until I caught myself doing it. It's called Spot the Lie. I am much more devious than to be other than direct which is what makes this even worse in some ways. I will say my kids tell untruths however they are much more likely to just fess up than get caught in a game of Spot the Lie because that has direct and long lasting consequences. I have realized I do this as a self defense.
Truly the FBI, KGB, CIA and continue with the alphabet could benefit from what I do because I am a detail person when it comes to stories. People are caught with the expectation that I am not listening since I am a talker and find out real quick I do listen and I remember things not that happened six months ago .. however details that the average person would not think about being important.
No one likes to be deceived and I think that goes triple for me because so much of my life I have been told I wasn't seeing or hearing what I thought I was I am hyperaware in those areas.
My poor bf got caught in a game of Spot the Lie and it this is how I figure out what is and is not going on .. it brings out the ugly of the situation and there are things that are unraveled that no one wants to talk about. He got caught in my web and it wasn't even about him and I have no clue what my motive or what I hoped to achieve in this conversation was outside of if I get really honest .. it was about me being right. It goes back to the whole validation of I'm not imagining what I'm seeing or hearing.
The worst mistake that can be made is stories not adding up .. as I constantly say .. that's not logical. If there is no logic it is invalid. That's literally where my brain goes. Even addiction with how I see it has a pattern of logic to it .. my ex was so unpredictable he was predictable .. if I did this .. he did that.
Two things we have agreed on first off last night was a pointless exercise of I am way to smart for my own good and there was no point to it. It wasn't constructive on any level. At least when I played with my X's attorney in court I had a point to it all. It was to completely discredit both of these people. The other is not my circus not my monkey's and he needs to keep that in his own arena. I'm completely over it. That means I have spoken my truth and I am right, the feasibility of what is being thrown into the ring is utterly ridiculous, not only is there no logic it would be a miracle in the literal sense of the word. So I go back to my other thought which is keeping my mouth shut and accepting this situation is not mine to control. Again .. already spoken my peace and I have my boundaries that are in place for those I love .. some things do not need to be revisited and this is def one of them.
My bf is not a stupid man and he felt stupid last night and that was wrong of me. I do not have that right to cause someone to feel less than that was so not ok on my part. I was very clear don't change the story on me because I haven't learned yet how to control that part of me and a lot I do is under the surface information gathering. I totally caught him off guard.
I'm really not interested in the Jerry Springer family stuff going on at the moment and he really needs to keep me out of it because I will unintentionally shred someone and do so quickly without realizing the complete damage I have done. I did tell him that he needed to understand now is not the time and it's switched from his families time to my time .. so they no longer have control over that .. and I prefer it that way as well there may be something to that in terms of safety for me.
The stuff going on with my oldest is getting old too .. we have yet to have the conversation with my youngest and it's way past time. Even my oldest is recognizing there will be a need to come home and deal with his new life and figure out what stays and goes within it .. I just don't do secrets like this.
Anyway .. big lesson learned and now I will just have to step back apologize and seriously make amends for it.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
The first step in making amends (IMHO) is recognizing that you did wrong. Here at Al-Anon we go a step further and examine our motives as to why we do what we do. Good for you for recognizing your wrong, and now you will use humility to make amends. Kudos.
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Way to work your program, Serenity. I can relate to your situation on many levels. I work so hard to stay in my hula hoop, too! "It works when you work it!" (((((Hugs))))
This is why I love alanon. We've got to be some of the most truth seeking people in the planet dont you think? We stop the justifying and can face up to our mistakes and even make amends. So much to be grateful for. I think the men in our lives are quite lucky. Thanks for sharing x
