Al-Anon Family Group

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> How to respond
Post Info TOPIC: How to respond
maggy


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Posts: 2
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How to respond
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I haven't spoken to my ex-A for 3 months I have had no contact and haven't tried and neither has he. We went out for 8 years never married or even lived with each other.  He lied about the drinking I would find out and we would break up.  this went on for our entire relationship. It's funny we break up every 3 years. this year would have been year 9. While we were broken up. I got pregnant and kept him. My ex- A and I got back together. I never did tell the real father that I was pregnant he doesn't know and I don't want him to  know about my son. So my ex- A and I while we each live with are parents have been raising my son. My ex-A  stopped comming arround so much about a year ago to date.  he just was like I don't have time he's in a band so he had to live the rock star life. (whatever) and it just got worse I wouldn't see him for weeks. he said it was because he hated me and I was a b$#%$ and that he only wanted my son in his life without me. Totally not knowing he was drinking I was just so hurt and like shocked by how mean he was. He would only say this stuff on the phone and I never caught on to the Alcohol. Sneeky man. I just thought he was mean and I was a b$%**. I couldn't handle feeling so guilty for his unhappiness anymore so I left.


I totally understand what he is now but today my brother got an email from him asking my bro to foward it to me.  apperently he is off the marijuana and (his words) kicked the booze too.


He wants to see my son and be his bestfriend. he misses him and thinks about him all the time. I just see selfish selfish selfish all over that email. It didn't even say hi how are you. just I want to see the kid all about him. (NICE).  And he would like me to respond.


I'm like I seriously don't know what to say or do.  I don't believe him. I know he loves my kid who wouldn't he's an angel. and as such do I really want him arround him. My kid is 2 and a half years old he hasn't seen my ex in 3 months and still says his name and I'm sure misses him. I can't even believe he remebers him. All I can remember is the A making plans with us and ditching us every couple days and blamming me.  I seriously don't know if I can. I don't even know if I can respond to him. So I choose to post here instead of reacting to his email which didn't even say a word about me which hurts. but has nothing to do with me.


I don't want to come across as being spitefull by not responding but I have no words for him right now. I haven't had any words for him in 7 months. Even when I saw him with another girl I didn't react. I have to reaction left in me for the A. I am trying so hard to focus on myself and my kid right now without him. It is so hard some times beacuse I love him and miss him. and I am so weak when it comes to him. so tonight I am lost. unsure how to respond.


Thanks for reading


maggy


 



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nycbt


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 810
Date:
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Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.


 


World Service Organization Website –


WWW.al-anon.alateen.org


Phone number is 1-888-425-2666


Alanon meetings 800-351-9996


Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666


Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.


Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html 


 


Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.



  • Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

  • post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

·        Set support system.  people do not judge.You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.



  • Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.


 FOR HERE


 

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
aunitedway


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 580
Date:
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i agree with ((nycbt.))  ((WELCOME to Alanon)).    to contact a local meeting place , see the numbers or send a *private message (pm) to me and I will be happy to help you to locate one. I hope you will see what Alanon has to offer.      There are books available! here to amazon.((haha)) Alanon has been around for a long time!


Also, if you need some help with determining what books may be best to start with., etc...,just private message me. I will be happy to help get some reading material to you.  This is a very successful 12 step program full of wonderful loving and supportive members.


You DO have the ability to    learn about how to take care of yourself no matter the obstacles...To find peace in your life and to know there is a  power greater than yourself (HP/God) to help guide you.  


You are not alone.     So glad your here!  Keep coming Back. (((BigHug to You  Maggy))



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