The material presented
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How long does it usually take to find a sponsor? I would like to start step work and to my understanding, you can't start without one. I've been doing F2F meetings and I try going to different ones to meet new people. So far I really haven't met anyone that I've clicked with or thought "this is the one." My thought process is "just keep going to meetings and I'll meet that person when it's time." I'm just wondering if there anything else I should be doing?
It sounds as if you are doing it right-- Visiting different meetings looking for a person you can identify with. There is a booklet entitled "Sponsorship What's it All About". It might help you to find someone you can feel comfortable sharing with. Good luck.
I wouldn't do the steps without a sponsor, but that's just me.
Sounds like you are doing it the right way. Don't rush it. Take your time. When you listen, meet people, etc. -- listen to people who speak in a way, express themselves in a way, that makes sense to you, that appeals to you, where you find yourself nodding your head and saying, yes, that's it, I get it. Someone who you can connect with, relate to. Just keep going back, keep looking. You'll find him/her.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Aloha Jess, there is much leeway in how you work the program. The adage of "get a sponsor" is more inviting in as you say "one you click with". I get closer to clicking with anyone after spending lots of time with them listening, sharing and practicing with them. The disease of alcoholism almost always insures difficulties with relationships as for me it attached my confidence and ability to listen, learn and trust. I did not and often wouldn't openly trust others because of the abuses I went thru with the disease. Finding a sponsor willing to sit with me and listen and patient enough keep into it with me was big...the loyalty and then the results from guiding me thru changes in my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It wasn't easy for me and the same for them yet we grew and grew together. We did program together yet differently because we were different basically except with the need to gain and maintain our sanities. Keep watching or as I like to do ..."listening with your eyes". Watch how others changes from being involved with their sponsors...and then duplicate that. (((hugs))) Keep coming back
Great topic Jess - thanks for bringing it forward. I was actually told to look for someone 'who had what I wanted' vs. someone I clicked with. This scared me as I wasn't too sure about sharing my deepest, darkest secrets with someone I didn't know and/or possibly would not click with.
Yet, each time I've needed a sponsor, I've listened intently at meetings for those who weren't like me, but rather had what I wanted. And, each time I found it. I am a type A person and want what I want when I want it ... Yet, each time I looked for what I wanted, I ended up with soft spoken, graceful, patient, spiritual women who have given me many tools to a less-stressful existence.
It took me time each time and then it took more time and many discussions to build a relationship. Yet, having a relationship wasn't what I needed - I needed a guide. So perhaps worry less about clicking and look for the person who is able to share honestly and calmly in the middle a storm. Listen for the member who talks from the heard and gives personal experience vs. a 'book-thumper'. Look for those who own their issues, mistakes, side steps yet is always willing to work on themselves and their recovery. Look for the realest person in the room who glows and wears no facades. You'll find the right person doing what you're doing - it's worked for me.
I do agree that in the meantime, there is no harm/foul in working the steps. We have the step board here (top right) and it's a great place to start! Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
i'm sure it's different for everyone. in my case, i got impatient and approached various women without really having heard them speak much. none of them worked out. two of them were very dogmatic and demanding; one of them was a pretty good connection and really helped me through a difficult period, but she did step work in a way that i found unappealing and she had no flexibility about the process. i also felt she was a bit younger than i preferred - i wanted to find someone with more experience. then i approached a woman whose shares i heard several times and appreciated. so far, so good. it's hard to have patience with the process sometimes, but i think waiting and watching/listening for someone who resonates with you is the best.
