The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my kid is about to graduate from high school. His dad is still in rehab, but hopefully will be out to attend. His dad has missed every big event in his kid's high school life for the past 3 years. Either due to actively drinking, or in the case of the last 5 months, being in rehab.
My son is graduating from the same high school I did. Back in the day, we just had to buy the cap w/tassle... the gown was "rented" for the day. You could not get your diploma unless you returned your gown. Now, students have to purchase the entire graduation "package." Ridiculous IMHO. Anyway, we could not afford the graduation package. Luckily, my son has a friend who's brother graduated 2 years ago, and his gown is still hanging in his parent's closet (LOL, of course it is!) She said my son could borrow that cap and gown! At first I was saddened by the fact that he would not have a tassle (I know, lame), but you know, they do the whole move the tassle to the other side thing... but my kid didn't even care. He told me, "Mom, who cares? I don't!" "I am still going to get my diploma." Ah, the young teaching the old! LOL! So I had given up that worry/resentment and I concentrated on the wonderful fortune of even having the cap & gown at all!
Well, yesterday, in looking in our storage unit for an important document from my past that I needed, he and I found my graduation cap... and it still had the tassle attached!! I told him, you could wear this one if you wanted to, you know. I expected him to poo poo the idea, but he was so excited by it! The coolest thing is that he pointed out that the tassle has an '81 on it (my graduation year) and his graduation is 18... the exact mirror opposite! He told me it was serendipitous.
As we drove home, I thought to myself, "Yes, serendipitous indeed. I have always been the parent there for you. I was the one planning and executing birthday parties, playdates, physical activities... mostly all on my own. Yes, I had my husband's financial support, but not the kind of support that really matters. Many, many times I have felt like a single parent in this phase of my life. In the year's since addiction entered our lives, I have been my son's rock... even though inside I was a crumbling mess."
It made me feel proud that he will be wearing my tassle. The funny thing is, I get the feeling my son is also proud to be wearing it by the things he said and the gentle, careful way he is handling the tassle. He even hung it in a special place until it is needed.
Even though I am handling some serious stressors right now, today I feel good!
Thanks for letting me share.
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Amazing story...and thank you for posting...it's so incredibly special that he will be wearing your tassel. Wow!!! Feel proud, embrace it. You have so much to be proud of...including yourself!!! Enjoy it all. Take it all in. Be present...and congratulations to both of you!!! All the best.
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Thank you, TM&S. As I read it again, yes... it IS a full circle moment, as you say.
Thank you, Aline! I keep reading it b/c it really is poignant for me, and it makes me feel good. And after a tough week for me, this is good! Glad that it touched you as well!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
PnP I get the picture and so inspiring and I hear your statement "you're feeling good" and the picture I get is "you're feeling God". Your picture has You, your son and your HP and while your Alcoholic is missing from it...it still isn't over. Yes it is an interesting thing I see when HP involves HP's self in our lives. "Mahalo Akua" Thank you God.
Awesome share PnP - love, love, love it! I got goose bumps while reading and around here, we now call them God bumps!!! It's the daily miracles that happen that just keep me coming back....
Your son sounds like a total rock-star. You've done great and clearly it shows. Sending tons of positive energy your way for graduation from HS! My oldest is graduating from college with his 4 year in 13 days ... we are getting excited here too. I had to order dress clothes for my AH as all he's got is golf attire and casual attire!
Love and Light sweetie! (((hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for your support, Jerry... I am letting HP take the wheel in many areas now a days. It's a good thing!
My son has had his rough moments, but he has grown into a fine young man. I've tried my best as a mom. It's good to know that others can see this through him.
Graduating college... and in only 4 years! Awesome! Many schools here in CA are so impacted that a "normal" 4 year takes at least 5 now. Crazy! It will be a wonderful, proud moment for your family! Thanks for your ESH & support!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you for your support, Jerry... I am letting HP take the wheel in many areas now a days. It's a good thing!
My son has had his rough moments, but he has grown into a fine young man. I've tried my best as a mom. It's good to know that others can see this through him.
Graduating college... and in only 4 years! Awesome! Many schools here in CA are so impacted that a "normal" 4 year takes at least 5 now. Crazy! It will be a wonderful, proud moment for your family! Thanks for your ESH & support!
PandP -- yes, your son has grown into a fine young man. And, that is a testament to him...and his mother. Take pride and know, in your heart and soul, that he is where he is because of you. My daughter is graduating in a couple of weeks, with her Masters. She graduated with her Bachelors, summa cum laude, with a 4.0, in 4 years, with two degrees. She got her Masters in one additional year, on a 5 year Masters program, also summa cum laude with a 4.0, and three certifications for education. Every time I see and hear another accomplishment or success, my heart explodes, with pride and love. But, I down-play my role. And she points out to me, that if it weren't for me, she wouldn't be where she is today. I guess she's right in some respects. Regardless, it's a time for a parent to really feel the contribution they played in a child's life.
Keep doing what you are doing!!! You are both doing great!!!
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Oh girl - it's been longer than 4 years - he's been sidetracked by the disease a couple of times ... he's 26. As the younger say, "My bad" - I wasn't very clear in my share - ha.ha.ha.ha.....(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Bo, what an incredibly intelligent and driven girl you have raised! Congrats to her!! And please don't think I am taking all the "credit," or putting my role in the forefront. It's just nice to share (here in this safe space) that I may have done a good job, b/c when you finally choose to end a long-standing marriage, something inside you feels like you failed. I have had lots of talks with my sponsor to help me see that isn't the case really, but for me, that feeling is hard to dispel... so this moment felt great!
IAH, regardless, he is graduating. Congrats to him too b/c he had to really fight for this moment!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Bo, what an incredibly intelligent and driven girl you have raised! Congrats to her!! And please don't think I am taking all the "credit," or putting my role in the forefront. It's just nice to share (here in this safe space) that I may have done a good job, b/c when you finally choose to end a long-standing marriage, something inside you feels like you failed. I have had lots of talks with my sponsor to help me see that isn't the case really, but for me, that feeling is hard to dispel... so this moment felt great!
IAH, regardless, he is graduating. Congrats to him too b/c he had to really fight for this moment!
I wish there was a "Like" button feature here in this forum. Excellent points!!! Thank you very much for expressing/memorializing them!!!
__________________
Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Thank you all for your support! It means so much to me to have a place to share that understands what I feel!
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
As a parent whose only son is a junior on high school, this made me start to well up. So happy that you can get little things like this in your life. You just never know when they are going to poo poo or be excited about any idea, do you?
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
