Need Help My A said divorce - Al-Anon Family Group

Serenity2Cherish · Member

Need Help My A said divorce

hudsond · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Heather)))))

I am so sorry for your pain and fears!!! I haven't been through this so advice I don't have, but I do want you to know that others here can help and support you. I am praying for you and your girls! I was thinking today that I wish my a husband would get mad and just leave, but the truth is I don't know what I would do!! I love him so much, I know my HP would help me out, but there is so much that would be going through my head!!! It would be hard for me to be o.k. and strong all the time too. I hope you can find a job soon and things will work out the best for you and your girls. Take it one day at a time and try to do something that makes you feel good.

Thinking of you,

Dawn

Serenity2Cherish · Member

Thank you sharing with me. I really appricate all the prayer. Thank you Heather

Andrea12 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((Heather))))))))))))

Keep holding on to your higher Power. God will surely help you make it thru this most difficult time.

I can imagine the heartache you feel worrying about your girls.

You and they will be fine no matter what the road brings.

Know you are loved and prayed for.

Andrea

aunitedway · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Your sponsor is the one you need to talk much with and be near right now...communicating with. she/he can help you deal with the emotions you are experiencing by guiding you along with the program through such a difficult time .

try to focus on taking care of yourself and your children. And know, right now though its never possible to see into the future.... you will be just fine. remain strong in spirit, be strong with help of the program and these wonderful people. you will get through this. this too shall pass and you will survive. soon you will look back on it and see that it was for the best that you took control of your own future and that of your children now.

holding you close in my prayers. (((((heather))))

-- Edited by aunitedway at 09:51, 2006-04-03

Becky1 · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((heather))))

Hon, I know you are in a lot of pain right now, because I just went thru the same thing. My husband took his wedding ring off, and wanted a divorce. He got mad about something that happened over a year ago, when he became violent around me and I filed dom. charges thru the courts, and left me for 5 weeks, and he just came back home a week ago.

I suggest that if you haven't read it yet, get the books "Getting Them Sober", it helped me a lot. My husband even went to the courthouse and got dissolution papers and left them on the table. I was devestated. But, I didn't respond. I think he wanted me to.

I can't say about your situation, because I don't know your history, and don't want to give wrong advise. But, for me, I found experience, hope, and strength in this chatroom and on this board. Go to meetings if you can, get your girls to Alateen.

If it helps, you are not alone. Alcoholism, or addictions can be so scarey, and hurtful. But, we can take care of ourselves and our children. I know you are confused and in pain right now, but HP has loving arms around you and your children.

It surely wouldn't hurt to consult an attorney. You don't have to make a decision today, just get some good, solid info.

Keep coming back, OK. We are here for you, and many of us have been where you are right now. Will keep you and your daughters in my prayers. Let us know how you are.

Love in Recovery,

Becky1

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry you have been put in this place of abandonment. My A regularly used to abandon me on many levels. He will stick threaten stuff but I no longer really take it to heart in the ways I used to. Dependency was and still is a big issue in the relationship.

I understand that if you have been married for more than 10 years the rules are different. For example you would be entitled to part of your husband's social security among other issues. I know when I am in the what if mode I can be in fear and trepidation. I am sure if you saw an attorney he could assure you of what you are entitled to and what your plan could be if you were to be faced with a divorce. I think its a good idea to arm yourself with information in case of a divorce.

Of course since you are new at al-anon there is also a recommendation that you not make any major changes for a while. That is something of a paradox because being in al-anon is a huge change for me and a way for me to have peace and happiness no matter what the A does and how he does it.

I would highly recommend being in the chat room as much as you can and attending meetings here which are held twice daily. When there is a crisis the recommendation is to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I find the more meetings I go to the more I can incorporate the program into my life. The more I can hear esh explained over and over the more I can implement it.

There is a lot of love, acceptance and understanding in these rooms. I am glad that you are here. I hope you will stick around to find a way to live even with the most destructive alcholic and find a life of your own.

Maresie.

Maria123 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((Heather)))))))))))))))) <------hugs

I am so sorry. No matter how you slice it and dice it, divorce is painful.

A very good book I'd like to suggest that is not CAL (Conference Approved Literature) is

How to Survive the Loss of a Love (Mass Market Paperback)
by Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield, Melba Colgrove

Right now, this reading will help you so much. It's very easy to read too because it's poems on one side that mirror the phases you are going through. ONe minute fine, the next completely devastated. It helped me so much.

Keep coming and keep posting and join us in chat if you need company.

www.mipchat.net

Prayers for you,

Maria

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((Heather))))))

My husband said those words to me a year and a half ago. I think that is how A's solve their problems - walking out. I was and still am devastated. It just is not something that I want to do. He moved out a year ago and I have not benefited from it at all. He basically amputated our relationship.

So you need several strategies. I need all the support that I can get so I go to Alanon f2f meetings and come here. I found a temporary sponsor. I have lots of books and audio tapes to learn as much as I can about the disease. My A is sober but still carries the traits of an A. I did go see a lawyer to gain as much info as my husband had. A's are clever and I think it has help to have info ready to go to counter what my A knows to be "true". I am really aware of our finances. Sometimes my A does not make very good financial decisions. I have tried to replace what he use to do for me with help from other people. Many are more than willing to help me especially since they can see that my A basically abandoned me.

Keep coming back to MIP. You will find alot of support and insight here. You can't cure it, your didn't cause it, and you can't control it. Alanon teaches us to keep the focus on ourselves. Trust your higher power to guide you through this difficult time.

In support,

Nancy

Serenity2Cherish · Member

Thank you to everyone who responded to my posting. Everything that was said was a big help. It really helps just to know I have a place to say things and know someone else is there to liston. To know someone else has been where I am.

The update is that my husband has had this amazing laps of reality and say he never said we were seperated or getting divorced. lol Anyway I am taking this one day at a time and also not going to pretend that didnt happen like I did times before. I myself am not sure what I want. Wheather to stay in this relationship or not. We are suppost to talk soon and I have a few things I need to say. My sponser has helped me figure what those things are and has helped me keep the focus on me. Hopefully this talk will happen tomorrow we will see.

Thank you again, Heather

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.