The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday around 5 I was about ready to jump out of my skin. My 18 YO son (one of the darling As of my life) was in a particularly foul mood and was taking it out on everyone in the house. I let him push my buttons and started reacting in kind. Got right back up in his face and pretty much escalated things to a point where I thought my eyeballs were going to pop right out of my head! I was so angry, my pulse was racing and everyone in the house was just plain miserable.
As I went to bed last night, I took a little inventory of the situation. I wanted to say that if *he* just wouldn't be such a jerk, things would be better. If *he* weren't in the house, things would be better. Then that little voice started in on me. "Okay Karen, what's your part in it?" (I groaned, "UGH!")
First thought in my head was that someone else's bad behavior is no excuse for my bad behavior. (I use that with my kids a lot, too, but I forget to apply it to me sometimes.) So, I looked at my part in it. What had I done wrong? Then I had to look at what was underneath it - what insecurity, what fear, what character defect was spurring me on? Well, in this case, it was a simple case of fear, fear that I "failed" as a mother. I reminded myself that as he was growing up, I did the best I could with what I had. He is old enough to be responsible for his own behavior.
So...this morning, he woke up in a fairly similar mood. He started to bark at everyone. I stepped outside and began praying the Serenity Prayer. Then I had the thought, what can I change? What must I accept? I was reminded that I cannot change him no matter what I do. But I can change me. So I quietly prayed for a little grace and strength to respond or not respond as HP would have me do. I walked past him and right to the girls, and my 3 girls and went outside and did some yardwork (pick up sticks time of the year), so a little physical activity, a little sunshine, and the whole situation was diffused.
I continue to be amazed at what a powerful tool an inventory can be, especially when followed by a willingness to change and the help of HP.
I'm grateful for the program, no matter which perspective I'm looking at it from.
That is great work! I have been down in the dumps allot lately and the sunshine and fresh air really do make a big difference. I just get out of the house for a short walk and things are easier to get into perspective.
pushing buttons. i've been trying to not deal with the same...wasnt sure what to do because nothing working today to diffuse the air. thanks.... for you have lead me in the right direction ~ as well ~ *outside* for a bit of yardwork I go. A beautiful sunshiny day waiting just for me... to do with it what i will. ahhhh ... the lil' garden awaits.thanks for sharing your resolve for when a fuse has been lit... ((((BigHug)))
i've been trying to not deal with the same...wasnt sure what to do because nothing working today to diffuse the air. thanks.... for you have lead me in the right direction ~ as
well ~ *outside* for a bit of yardwork
I go. A beautiful sunshiny day waiting just for me... to do with it what i will. ahhhh ... the lil' garden awaits.
thanks for sharing your resolve for when a fuse has been lit... ((((BigHug)))