Pre Alanon for me everything was urgent and it better be addressed right then .. it didn't matter how big or how small.  There would be stuff that was just straight up stupid .. in terms of how important is it, or things that were important however waiting is a more appropriate response or just not responding out shall we say and discussing it with a trusted person vs the person I was having the issue with so to speak. 

Today was my youngest son's 14th birthday and my oldest will be 19 in 4 days.  My youngest has the bad habits of a teenager and I acknowledge that and honestly there are things I am not going to fight about .. LOL .. this past year has taught me about what is and is not important when it comes to teens.  I don't fight about self expression provided it's not completely inappropriate .. my 14 year old is not getting a tattoo or piercing before he can pay for it himself.  LOL.  I can't say anything about his room as I have challenges at times and my room was a mess .. although I expect once a month I get to see the floor of that room .. LOL .. and under the bed is cleaned out.  No dishes of partially eaten food and so on .. just basic hygiene kind of stuff.   

Lately I have been receiving texts from my BF in regards to my youngest bad habits so to speak .. this is stuff with trash .. empty water bottles and so on ... yes that needs to be addressed .. we are not going to get roaches from water bottles, or things of that nature so no it's not a big battle .. he's taken to a habit of shoving everything under his bed.  If it can't be seen it's not really trash .. LOL .. again .. he's home with him for hours .. address the stuff together.  Do not drag me into the middle of these disagreements.  Neither of them will like the outcome because they are both called out .. LOL. 

I know where this stems from based upon my experience and observation of BF's relationships with his own kids .. he never had to do anything like this because the ex wife did it and it was not pretty.  He on the other hand got to duck out of everything (hmm .. I am sensing a pattern ... LOL) and it was never on him .. it became look how unreasonable mom is .. no no no .. we are not playing that out in my home. 

My son came to me explained what he found in his room he was very upset and felt his privacy had been violated .. now I understand .. however and I pointed out .. had he kept his room trash free this would not have been an issue .. the person he needed to have this discussion with was not me as I was not the person who pulled everything out from under his bed and put it in the middle of his floor .. (although I have done that .. LOL .. today was not the day).  I also pointed out that his privacy was not violated as the point was the trash, there should always be a conversation and that was not ok.  Again .. he needed to take that up with BF.  I will be a part of the conversation however I did not start that conversation today.   

I did address with my BF and asked him what his motive was for pulling this today.  It's a 3 day weekend for me, it's a holiday (Good Friday), it's boy's birthday and we have a 45 min car ride up and back to pick up the oldest for a nice linner .. lol.  I had a good time with my youngest this AM we went shopping and just had some mother/son time that he enjoyed, I picked out dorky clothing apparently he didn't like so we did that and so on .. they had to be returned and he got to get some other stuff, we had a fun morning.  This could have happened any day this past week while he was home and before today.  His response was he was looking for a mismatch pair of socks that I found the matching set for and had placed on his clothes in the bedroom .. so again .. no I found those socks, matched them and they had been on the bed today.  That's not a valid reason.  I'm all about logic .. and it did not compute for me.  He never really answered and I know he is upset as he didn't say anything the entire time we were all together. I don't do martyr behavior and he's within his rights to behave like that however act like a child and that's the response I give . it's no different than a toddler tantrum .. have at it.  I will not participate.  We all lick our wounds in our own way and based upon past experience he needs a fight and I won't give it to him.  I am very tired of people stirring the damn pot handing me the spoon expecting me to fix the garbage they are trying to feed everyone else .. nope .. not happening. 

I am really grateful for the fact while I don't do it perfectly .. I am able to see better and a little more clearly when to jump and when to step back.  I wouldn't be here without the self exploration as well as awareness that Alanon allowed me. 

Today I made my comments and stepped back.  While we were driving home, I asked my youngest if he would please take all of the trash out because we have no valet service until next Monday.  While I shouldn't have to ask .. lol .. I have to ask the other adult in the house to do things .. asking once is a blessing .. LOL.  While he was doing that if he could gather all of his trash from his room and take that out too.  Guess what .. it was the first thing he did and he took everything out and he's hanging out on Xbox with his friend/s one of which will be spending the night tomorrow night .. lol .. we will have a good time together.  My boyfriend is still not saying much .. LOL .. still and I'm just going to sit back watch my son play his game and watch some Netflix for a bit .. again .. this is going to take time for my BF to process we are a very direct family and so there are no don't tell things happening .. apparently my son broke the code of silence when he told me what had happened .. lol .. oh well .. they both were schooled on how I felt about that meaning deal directly with each other and no I don't need to know. 

Timing .. sometimes things do need to be addressed in the moment .. sometimes people need to experience the consequences of their choices and sometimes I can sit and wait for things to work themselves out and they usually do. 

Thanks for being here, S :)