The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When my son asked for money today, I said no. I should probably clarify that. He had a doctor appointment today and asked to borrow money for his office visit and a prescription he would need at the pharmacy. In the past when hes needed money, my heart would believe it was for gas, or cigarettes, or whatever he wanted to tell me it was for; but my head knew where it was really going. This morning he sent me an oh, by the way text asking me to transfer money to his account so he could go to his appointmen, etc. I told him I wouldnt do that - but I would leave a check made out to the doctors office for the co-pay and I told him we could go to the pharmacy this evening to pick up his script. He didnt like that too much. Then he asked would I at least put $20 in his account because he needed gas - and I told him the same thing - if you need gas, well go to the station, but Im not giving you cash. He wasnt too happy with me. He gave me a couple of rants about how ridiculous this is, which only reinforces that in all likelihood, $10 would have gone in the tank and $10 would have gone to the liquor store. My head knows that what I did is still enabling; but saying no to just giving him cash today was a step for me. And maybe this part is my heart still trying to fool my head, but sometimes I think his heart wants/needs me to say no, even though his head wants me to say yes. So that was my small step for today.
(((Bristlecone))) - great share and great job. I can so relate as I've got 2 sons with this disease. It was very hard on my heart practicing this program yet changes did happen over time. Be true to you and be gentle with yourself - keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good job. It is tough in the beginning but it does get easier over time. I reminded myself each time I was tempted to hand over cash to my child that I did not want to be the reason or direct link for her early death, impairment etc. Plus I final got sick and tired of being taken advantage of. The lies, stories, excuses, scenarios to extort money were very clever and varied and I bought into it until I had enough, then I stopped it. Baby steps.
That's a great step!!! Congratulations. Build on it. Keep it going. Don't trivialize it and say it's a small step -- it's a change, a positive, healthy change that YOU made. YOU.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...