The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Perfectionism, procrastination, and paralysis: The writer says these 3 elements are the worst effects of alcoholism upon his life. He avoids taking risks, avoids doing anything badly, and therefore misses out on things he enjoys and making progress.
Today's Reminder: Alanon encourages me to take risks and to think of life not as a command performance but as a continuing series of experiments from which I learn more about living.
Quote from James Russell Lowell: All the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action.
Well I can certainly relate to today's reading, as I saw myself as a failure at everything, so why even try anything new? And I suffered from all kinds fear, including my own shadow. Over time my confidence did improve, but since program I have really come out of my shell. As my fear decreases, I have permission from myself to be me, to try new things, I'm allowed to fail, and I have a spring in my step I never had. I can say hello to strangers and the world is not such a frightening place as it used to be. Progress not perfection. ODAT, Lyne
Thank you Lyne for expressing your understanding of this reading with such honesty and clarity."Actions not words "was my High school motto and as a child I thoroughly agreed with this concept . After living with the disease of alcoholism , I did not realize how much this dreadful disease had depleted my courage until I entered program and began to examine my motives and attitudes. hanks to the slogans, the serenity prayer. and my HP, my courage has been restored and today I can live life taking reasonable risks.Thank you alanon and thank you Lyne for your service.
Thanks Lynn for the post. It reminds me of my own practice of those three behaviors and the reasons why I did. My behaviors with in the disease as a victim demanded I use them because they put a margin between myself and the victimization. Another consequence was fear which supported my own practice of punishing others who might want to or seemed to be aiming at making me a victim. I hurt a lot of people including my alcoholic/addict and others. Additionally I became a risk taker which further increased the insanity of living within the disease.
I don't inventory what is or could be the worse reactions to the disease. Mine were enough and I will continue to make amends for them as HP allows....(((hugs)))
I learned to be courageous despite, not because, of my childhood. I decided that I wanted to experience things, and I would push through my fear of the unknown and my lack of self-confidence to do so. I think that's when I really came into my own. Living with the effects of the disease of alcoholism took their toll, and I went into protective mode. I'm grateful to the program for helping me rediscover my strength to push through my fear so I can experience life again.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Lyne for the daily and your service. Thanks to all above me for your ESH and shares. Those 3 words were my standard MO before recovery. I too felt like a failure as I expected way too much from me and all around me. It never entered my mind to just live and let live and to accept people, places and things as they are. I didn't know how to have fun, let alone how to define joy.
I also did extensive damage and living amends are such a gift allowing me to 'show' others who I am becoming compared to who I was as a result of the disease. Today, I find joy in being and doing instead of a 'when this....I will' approach.
Happy Monday to all - rainy here and cool temperatures. I have plans to have cheap tacos with fellowship friends tonight! Make it a great day...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for your service, Lyne, and all the ESH. The fear of failing and making mistakes is still very much present in me, but it has gotten less pronounced and I experience much, much less fear every day. I'm making progress and work towards accepting that my best is good enough.
Now that I have had a chance to think about it, I was a perfectionist who hated myself for being that way. I was so afraid to make mistakes. I now take things as they come & learn from them. Does that fit the topic? I am so grateful that I don't have to do anything even close to perfection. I am just still a work in progress. A miracle in progress.
I'm a little late to the conversation here but I wanted to write the perfect message and ended up procrastinating. LoL, I'm kidding here but I certainly could have written this reading.
I was thinking about this reading throughout the day yesterday. It is interesting how perfectionism can manifest as procrastination. I think I usually think of a perfectionist as someone who has it all together and tries to push the people around them to new and Greater Heights. But, in my case I do tend to get stuck in the mire and will wait for the stars to align and all the bolts to click into place before I can make a decision or complete a project.
I can honestly say that this reading helped me with my interview yesterday. I have anxieties about changing jobs of course, and also about certain aspects of the new position. With this reading I was able to keep in mind that I'm not any better or any worse than anyone else. That I am just as capable, will definitely make mistakes but that I know that is part of the learning process and doesn't mean that I need to go in with fear.
-- Edited by WestMan on Tuesday 27th of March 2018 10:28:35 AM
Thanks for the chuckle Westman....that opening paragraph is great!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
