The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is a reminder that we have choices and decisions we can make in our lives. Although many of us struggle with whether or not we have control over situations that arise in our lives, the program helps us know that we have he strength and ability to make choices for ourselves.
The reading specifically mentions the difficulty in speaking up for ourselves. The writer mentions trying to determine whether or not to speak up at a meeting regarding the Traditions not being acknowledged. That feeling of trying to decide whether or not to speak up resonated with me. For many of us growing up in an alcoholic home or having been in in a relationship with an A, making ourselves heard can be very difficult. Specifically for me, I start to think in what I call the chess state of mind if I say this, they will think that. If they do this then I must try and do this and that.. Its the opposite of living in the present! It is not very helpful, or healthy-for me. Coming to the program, listening to my HP- has helped me honor what my feelings are and given me strength to speak up about them when I need to.
Good Morning Mary Great topic---- speaking up when we believe an issue has been overlooked is something I can readily identify with. The back and forth that you describe. happens to me as the result of growing up in an alcoholic home, being heard was never a given, as being contradicted or over looked often occurred. That is why the back and forth in my mind.
Enter program (a fellowship of equals )and being handed the tools such as the Traditions, steps, slogans, the ability to express myself at meetings without cross talk soon evolved. I found the traditions extremely helpful to my recovery as they are the principles that keep the meetings safe. Today I have no difficulty expressing my ideas in an alanon meeting or public forms, as long as I remember my program tools-- these are my opinions and others do not have to validate me .living in the present also helped. I also learned to "listen to learn" in meetings when before I never learned to listen,
Good morning Mary thank you for your service and both you and Betty for ESH. I too grew up in a home where my opinions were not heard. It was children are to be seen and not heard. Even when I found my voice and excelled in school expressing my views at home were not always accepted. Only when I entered the doors of Al-Anon did I feel safe to speak or even not speak and just listen without judgement.
Happy Sunday to one and all! Thanks for the shares and ESH above me and thank you Mary for your service and the daily.
I felt rarely heard as a child - I was the youngest and the only gal. I also learned that my feelings weren't important. It is what it is. Recovery gave me a place to be authentic and so long as I was speaking my truth from my heart, it worked well. Recovery also gave me the gift of active listening which helps me not project as much as I used to.
I'm watching more March madness and then playing ball tonight. It's going to be cold but it will be a nice way to end the day. Our meeting this morning was all about staying present and managing anxiety using our program - it was awesome. Make it an awesome day all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Yep... [puts hand up]. Trouble speaking up for David. Then after teens I was in everybodys face trying to say everything!
Not sure what I even wanted to say- jus' wanted to be heard. The way I acted and dressed said that too... part of my generation...
I do not believe in black and white- like a lot of people say- and shades in between. For me that is "my way or the highway" sort of stuff.
More about fitting in than getting on with life... ah wanna be me!
For me two or three traditions work in together. It takes maturity in the steps to get it right- and to make decisions with others... talk about stuff- talk things through.
Thank you for your service Mary. I, too, grew up without a voice and it became even smaller during my 20 year marriage to my exAH. Today, I'm blessed with many opportunities to practice expressing myself and honor myself.
