The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know that alcoholism is a disease and even with attempts at sobriety with meetings and counselors, there can be relapses. My AH drinks every few months and this has been the way it has been for years. When that happens, I feel angry. He lies and then confesses. I am tired of it. I share my feelings whether I am concerned or angry. My counselor told me I should always communicate what is on my mind and not fester in the emotions. Alcoholics need support to recover, but I'm not AA or his sponsor. I'm his wife. I know what my boundaries are and I stick to them. So when I'm angry and I'm detaching, am I being supportive without enabling or giving my AH guilt?
Now that I am on my 2nd marriage I have learned not to engage if the topic gets heated. I have been married to two alcoholics. Each of them wew in recovery. But the first one was very sick in the disease. I got divorced basically because he wouldn't accept me the way I was & believe me back then I didn't accept myself either. Now from experience & many trials I am learning to accept myself through this program & a lot of soul searching
I don't know if this helps. I guess it could be considered my ESH.
Wife I like the post because it brings up so many things I have learned in recovery, only one of which was the realization that when I was born I didn't get a piece of paper with my alcoholics and addicts name on it that demanded that I insure their lives in sanity and happiness and fulfill all of their wishes and demands at all times. Realizing the answer to that question was no I started looking for different ways to invest in my sanity and happiness which started with becoming a fulltime member of the family groups and others who were successfully focused on healing from the victimization from this disease. My early sponsor suggested that I detach myself from all things alcohol and I took that literally which meant over a period of time to divorce my alcoholic/addict wife while continuing to love her and to restart rebuilding my peace if mind and serenity. I was more successful doing that than the other.
I got into some very deep trouble trying to take care and control others of which I still am learning to change my habits in thinking, feeling and behaviors.
Detaching with love is a very worth while recovery practice cause often the love part means getting to love my self also. The fellowship is so skilled at doing that and helping others to learn it also. I'm not going anywhere else. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
