The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Readiness for Alanon: The reading starts out with a Zen Buddhist saying: When the student is ready, the teacher appears . Anotherwords, we all get to Alanon at the right time. The writer says she heard about program as a teen, but didn't show up for 20 years. No nagging could have gotten her there any faster.
Today's Reminder: There is no magic wand that can make others ready for Alanon. And it is presumptuous to assume that I have a better idea of their true path than they do. Let me help those who want help. When my life improves as a result of working the program myself, I do more to carry the message than I ever cold by forcing it on others.
Quote from The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage: Let me not dilute the effectiveness of the help I can give by letting it take the form of giving advice. I know I will never have enough insight into amother's life to tell that person what is best to do.
I did not ever plan to attend a live meeting. I occasionally wrote on the message board for several years. Stubborn? Unaware? Afraid? But when the pain reached a level I could not tolerate any longer, I sought out a sponsor and began attending F2F meetings. Best decision of my entire life! I hadn't been ready. Pain made me ready! Lyne
The same happened for me... when I could not tolerate the pain any longer, that is when I became willing to seek an Al-Anon meeting and embrace the program.
I like how the message in this reading helps us forgive ourselves, as I like others have said "I wish I'd found A-Anon sooner." I guess I just was not ready sooner.
I also like the idea that giving advice is diluting what we could better show by example, not words -- and by listening more than we speak.
dear Lyne thank you for sharing your thoughts on this important reading. I know I was looking for a "Magic Wand" to solve my problems when i found alanon, I certainly was disappointed when I was handed the Steps, and Slogans and was told that recovery was a process and that Meeting makers make it . That indicated I had to work for my serenity. y I am so pleased that I too was in enough pain (like you) to keep coming back , pick up the tools and discover faith in my HP . Love the fact that alanon has a principle of not giving advice.
Thanks Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks Betty and freetime for your shares and ESH. I fought for so, so long against this disease before arriving at Al-Anon. And yes - total devastation and pain is what had me arrive. I love that saying and it wasn't just true then - it continues to be true today.
In my recovery journey, when fear, doubt, insanity begins to creep back in, I tend to pray for guidance. I am always given answers - call my sponsor, call a program friend, go to a meeting, read some literature, etc. I am so grateful that when I am humble (teachable) and ready, I am always guided to the trail back to my spiritual journey.
I too was disappointed when I arrived and was not given a fast solution. I still resisted and slowly just came around to the realization that if I wanted change, it was going to have to be within me. I too am grateful that I kept trying what was suggested, kept coming back, worked with a sponsor and found my spiritual way.
I am watching the 'big game' and I am thrilled that it's been such a great game. Have a great evening all! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Pain certainly got me here. I do wish I had found this site sooner but my thinking was so messed up it took God to get me here. Without the pain I would not have worked as hard on my beginning in here. I was desperate to get out of the pain and fears. Thanks to this program and all of you, I have peace in my life again today.
I do have to catch myself when someone is losing their mind over trying to control an alcoholic/addict in their lives. Just because I want them out of pain and...........want them to stop enabling the alcoholic.......it doesn't mean they are ready. Just for today, I will keep living the program vs trying to give instructions to someone else.
Thanks all for the ESH! Thank you, Lyne, for your service.
Pain, indeed. AlAnon was a scary concept for me. If I went, I had to admit that my wife was an alcoholic and that I was going to have to deal with that in our marriage. I couldn't pretend that we were a normal, happy couple anymore. When the pain got so intense I couldn't take it anymore, that is what got me to AlAnon. I am glad that I walked through those doors, glad my HP arranged for a kind man living in a shelter housed in the same church to greet me outside and walk with me to the room, and glad to have MIP and a fantastic home group to support me on this journey.
Happy Monday, All!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I cannot thank you enough for being here for me. This mornings reading was AMAZING, and I have been reminded once again that the teachers and mentors, the tools will show up when I become ready. When I first met my RAH just over 3 years ago I wanted to support his walk in sobriety and I attended some of my first Al-Anon meetings. Bottom line for me at that time is that I was not yet ready - for many different reasons. The biggest being that I just did not understand this disease or how it could affect me. I finally got to a place of pain this past Christmas with another family member suffering from this disease. This is what brought me to Al-Anon. Months ago I found this group and had been reading your posts but was too afraid to speak up at the time. It was not until I felt that my life was completely out of control that I grabbed onto the hope that Al-Anon brought to me. I know it will be a process for me, something that I am okay with today. Months ago, I wanted the quick fix. But after spending many hours in the rooms of AA with my RAH, and now getting a closer glimpse of his progress and how it has taken him 17 years to get to this point, I accept the process. And I do see it in myself in just the few short weeks that I have begun putting the steps into process within the context of my daily life. I no longer rush in to help him save the day or the moment as I once had. I have become more aware of myself in moments throughout my day where before I was the last consideration on my mind. Now I have begun the delicate balance of trying to be helpful and meaningful in my responses but no longer saving people as I once had done. And I am beginning to feel more accepting of myself in certain aspects, not always worried what other people have to say about me. I am desperately trying to mind my own business and checking in with myself throughout the day to make sure I am taking care of myself.
Thank You for your encouragement and support along the way in my journey. I do not know what I would do if you hadnt been at the other side of my computer screen.
PeacefulLove - so glad that you're feeling/seeing growth in recovery. That's what is so awesome about the WE aspect of the program - when anyone, any where reaches out, we let the hand of Al-Anon be there and let it begin with each of us. I too am glad you're part of my journey!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great reading and shares! I still have to remind myself to stop looking for that mythical magic wand in my Alanon tool kit... many thanks as I'm grateful and count my blessings.
