I'm actually doing pretty well staying out of my own head and not invading others .. LOL .. it would make me more comfortable if my X would act out because then I would know we are still operating in the same way. 

At this point he has either figured out that he needs a court order or not .. it's not my problem no where does it say I am responsible for his check.  I have double checked, triple checked just to be sure I am seeing everything right. 

The county and the State have screwed up royally and I have an extra payment at this point and trying to figure out what to do in that regard.  I did some foot work I have let the powers that be know what's going on and I have been told 2 different things .. so I am going to wait to hear from the right source while notifying the other that no I'm going to wait for the state to notify me about over payment.  They have told me that's the best way to go .. after the mess this has all caused I don't view this s my issue. 

So my oldest is better and doing well.  Some of the confusion I am dealing with is MY idea of what a boy is suppose to be like and this is the care package I took (this was something that has been an ongoing dialog, I was concerned in terms of how do you want me to treat you in terms of style, the things I know he's liked since he was 2 kind of stuff, he's never been a girlie girl however looks like an attractive girl when he wants to).  I totally over did the care package and I don't care .. LOL .. we are talking kid is a walking over the counter pharmacy.  There are vitamins attached as well.  I had to laugh because I found the little girl from Despicable Me movies on a gift bag (it was HUGE .. LOL) and it's her holding a unicorn screaming it's SOOOO FLUFFY!! I got that and filled it .. packaged food like crackers, pretzels, mandarin oranges, anything I could think that would settle the ick and be quick energy .. granola bars as well as granola and almond butter, Gatorade, you know the works and walking through the ladies department I found funny socks, things that had cats and penguins they were seriously cheap for socks and over the calf stuff .. plus room socks.  He needed new under garments, and I like the fact I'm not having to say .. oh honey .. I don't think that's going to fit the way you want it to .. because there is someone else saying .. look .. one thing at a time .. let's start here and you can grow your stuff from that and then as your body changes you can then go and do XYZ.  Thankfully before any actual transitioning goes on he will be in gender therapy with a good solid counselor.  This is someone the college recommended.  AND I'm insistent he deal with other issues such as our relationship, anxiety stuff, codie things and so on, you fly your freak flag (as I do .. LOL) however own it and know who you are .. period end game.  My kiddo tends to second guess and so on .. so know you and let's just go from there.  In the meantime I am 100% on board with honoring who he wants to be today .. this may be who he wants to be tomorrow and forever .. that's fine.  No worries there. 

I had a point .. yes .. the socks .. LOL .. so they are what I would call girlie .. however .. you know .. these are things he's liked (he still sleeps with a stuffed animal .. green bear .. sigh .. things were so much simpler when he was 2).  Ok .. so .. I had to LAUGH .. I tell him about the socks and he's over the top .. yes yes yes .. and we had another conversation about well what IS and isn't ok ... obviously .. not my intension to make him feel off.  I did indicate you need to let me know if something isn't jiving.  I don't know .. I am trying to go on past and current information and that seems to change .. LOL.  He is better I hate that this happened after the awful semester last semester .. I really pray .. he is where he needs to be and grateful this isn't final week!!!

No word from the ex and I am disturbed .. it will pass and it will be ok.  I'm just unnerved about the unknown which is not like me in recent months.  I'm just waiting to be attacked which is awful. 

Hugs S :)