The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello to all my Al-Anon family at MIP! I am sorry to have been away so long, but there has been so much going on lately, and to be honest, I let my priority of taking care of myself (putting on my airplane oxygen mask first) slipped away from me for a while. But I feel like I am getting back to a more balanced place again.
Some of you know my parents lost their home of 40+ years in the Northern California wildfires in October. They are recovering, and at what I think is quite a rapid pace. Thank you for all your prayers. They are renting a house and working through getting the property back in shape to either rebuild or sell. I leave the decision to them and am here to support whatever they ultimately decide.
My stepson and his wife are living with us and have been since July. It has been over 6 months now. It was supposed to be a quick stay while they find a place to live, and now we feel them taking root. It is making for very tense relations and I work very hard to not let resentments form. I am willing to talk and try to have the hard conversations, but my husband is more the bitch about it behind their back and then make snide comments when he gets a little liquor in him. I say it is passive aggressive behavior. I am ready for them to move on and get their own place but they have many excuses why they can't do that right now. I am ready to give them an end date and then deal with the consequences if they fail to abide, my husband thinks I am being to abrupt. I am so thankful for al-anon teaching me to be kind and loving, but speak my truth.
My husband has been sober for most of the week this week. It is again a result of his problems with acid reflux. At one time I relished these periods of sobriety, but now I feel fear rising in me that something is wrong. We lost a friend recently to esophageal cancer and had another friend suffer from "wet brain" from bleeding from the esophagus so my mind can really run with this stuff now. I have to remember that regardless of what is happening with him I cannot fix anything. I can bring him a cup of tea and keep things bland! Bland food is not my forte, but I figure it out.
So today I am grateful for this program, this forum and my home group that work in all the areas of life that I choose to apply the principles. I can only control how I react to the adversities in my life and seek diligently for the lessons found therein. I keep myself busy enough to sleep well at night and try my best not to avoid the things that really do need my attention (bills, house keeping and my job are examples). Just for today I am free of anxiety and listening for my next step from HP. He is faithful to guide if I am diligent to seek His will!
Next step, a sponsor...
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
Hi Bethany, I have been thinking about you. It's nice to see you back. I am sorry to hear about your parents' home, but glad they are recovering.
Wow, you really have a houseful of activity, and your program attitude is impressive.
I found a sponsor very helpful! Do you have someone in mind from your meetings? When I asked my sponsor, she said it was an honor to be asked and she was glad to do it.
Hugs Bethany .. so glad you came back to give an update. It's really amazing when I remember to take care of me first what positive things happen even in the midst of chaos!! Glad to hear things are leveling out. Hugs s :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Hey there Bethany - I too am glad to see you back. I do recall your parents house scenario and it does sound like they're making decent headway! My oldest wanted to move back in here until the end of May and I opted out this time.....we've had him as a 'guest' or 'roomate' or '????' before and it just has never ended well.....sending you tons of positive thoughts and prayers. For your AH too - it sounds like you got a handle on what is and a plan - good on you!
Keep coming back - we miss you when you do 'life'!!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Nice to meet you Bethany. Sending prayers and a hug! It sounds like you have a handful. I found myself in that predicament a couple years ago. BUT, I was not in Alanon and I am the one who created the mess:( It is sort of family and sort of not.....odd situation..........
We had a lady living in the house with us that was supposed to be staying a couple months max. I too, heard the comments and husband getting upset more and more. It felt like such a trap! From the pressure of dealing with hubby and how I felt myself, we allowed my AF to put an RV on our property for her to move into. I went from one trap to another! My own need to fix someone without being in a program myself.........got me in here. Not before I hit my own bottom though.
I'm grateful today! God, all of your shares and working the program keeps me sane!
Aaaaah yes..."He is faithful." My experience also and thanks for the reminder. Prayers now for you, your alcoholic and family and ((((hugs))))) of course.
Hugs, ((((Bethany)))), I'm sorry about the hard stuff going on in your life, but you're working your program, and that's when things get better for me, in their right time, although the necessary changes I need to make are much more often than not preceded by considerable pain and discomfort. Its good to have you here!
