The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning MIP and happy Friday. Today's reading in C2C is all about self-acceptance and healing. The writer talks about becoming more comfy in his/her own skin through self-acceptance. While the program asks us to recognize and admit our limitations, we are also asked to accept that only a higher power can remove them.
When we condemn our imperfections, we are not moving towards self-acceptance or self-love. If we learn to let go of all condemnation, just for one day, we might recognize that we are on a spiritual path of self-improvement. Every small step we take on this path moves us closer to happiness, wholeness and pace.
We are asked in recovery to look at our motives when we become impatient. We can not speed up recovery - we can only trust the process, one day at a time.
Today's reminder --- Al-Anon is a gentle, healing program. I will remember to be gentle with myself today, trusting that the healing will come.
Today's Quote from ... In All Our Affairs - "Today I can accept myself for what I am because I know that whatever happens, I have a Higher Power and a group of people who will love me anyway."
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When I arrived, I was anxious, stressed, angry and more... When it was suggested I work on me and focus on me, I resisted. It was much easier to focus on 'them' as it distracted me from my own 'isms' and defects.
Nobody pressured me and nobody instructed me. In a gentle, loving manner, others listened openly and shared ESH. My tribe gave me the dignity and freedom to accept my powerlessness in my way on my terms. They were loving, patient, gentle and present and I'll always be grateful.
It is in Al-Anon that I truly learned to be a more patient person - wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc. I learned that most of my anxiety, stress, fear and negativity is patterned behavior most of which is cause by my expectations. Learning to trust this program and a power greater than me has truly set me free from most of 'this' most days.
Just for today, I'm a grateful member of Al-Anon working to be a better version of me. We are in the middle of a lovely break from the winter weather and it's so nice to see some sunshine and better temperatures. May everyone have a great day and stay safe!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good Morning Great reminder. i have heard that alanon is not a "self improvement program but a "self acceptance" one . I did find that once I honestly began to look within ( working the Steps and examining my motives ) i did uncover my many negative coping attitudes and became embarrassed because I was not as perfect as I imagined myself to be. Thanks to Hp and and an informed sponsor, I was quickly reminded that I was an "imperfect"Human Being " and that HP would help to remove the attitudes that no longer served me. That certainly was a kinder softer way that did allow me to look within, knowing that I would be given the opportunity to develop new constructive tools to live by.
It is warm here today as well. Thanks for your service
I started to freak when I saw the house mess after being away for a couple days. I realized how badly I beat myself up when I get behind. Regardless of the reasons.....health, errands, meeting etc. I also realized it got this way.......on a downward spiral before I got back into Alanon and got serious. No choice there lol! And grateful for it! Just for today I will do one small thing that brings me more peace in my home. Tackle the hard one, the rest will follow. I refuse to beat myself up for this today.
I'm also grateful we have a break from the extreme cold! None of the chicken and geese waterers will be frozen this morning for the first time in weeks!
Thanks IAH and for all the shares. When I read about self-acceptance and think about becoming a better version of myself, I can see progress! And I am definitely having less guilt for taking care of me, even when others disapprove. What a relief this is, and of course, not perfect! That's another improvement I see in myself, -my acceptance that I don't ever ever have to be perfect. What a better life I'm having with alanon, Lyne
I am reflecting on "self". What it means... a thought a feeling, a spiritual component. A family component too and community, including the recovery community. My first reflection on self came at an Alanon meeting. One member was sharing and said- "it's a selfish programme!" As a kid I was a goody-two-shoes and I thought to myself- "no, it aint!"
There and then I decided that I did not want to be self-centred, but centred on self. Not sure if there is any distinction here- but I created one anyway. I decided that the selfish bit might lead to egoism, or even narcissism.
My mum once called me "big hearted Arthur". The way I used to operate. My term my next youngest brother used to say: "everyone for themself". The outcome for brother #2 was a serious addiction which bought the whole family down.
Well, I think there is a whole range of ways I can look at self. In the end I made up my own mind where i wanted to sit on that spectrum. I wanted to be caring, and even self-nurturing. I did not want to be a patsy though. Nor a mean aggressive go-getter who 'takes no prisoners'.
Having said this- and duly reflected on self-acceptance- I believe now that we live and breath who we are. We are in the rooms which is a safe place. Or, for me, it has become a safe place. My mantra has been with Concept 4- participation is the key to harmony. I have to show up and speak up- and pitch in sometimes to help keep things ticking over. Too little, or too much of this can tip me over. My sense of self was once pretty fragile.
But i find strength here, in the here and now... just this moment...
Love that alanon is a simple program for complicated people I know that working the Steps uncovered several layers of complications that i was not aware of but that "acceptance" allowed me to replacce.
I love that also Betty - simple program for complicated people! I know I tried hard to complicate the simple program because that's the way I'm built! Yet - I now do believe and feel that acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.....
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I believe that the term #al non.is.a.selfish program# is a.euphemism rather than a suggestion.from the program literature.
Self acceptance and self compassion are different from the notion of selfishness.
Self absorption is not necessarily a healthy process. Certainly when the now.ex.A was.out bingeing crash8ng the car and causing mayhem in our lives I was self absorbed. I was.conscious of the pain abandonment and chaos those actions.caused me. I did not know.how to.comfort myself take care of.myself. I.certainky did not know how to respond to the now ex A.when he finally returned home with the car (Which I was making payments on) badly damaged..
I certainly don't have the play book on how to respond to others. Nevertheless I do feel far more.confident about not bringing further pain into my life. I approach most relationships in measured terms. If I see red flags I pull back. I honor my feelings. I do not put others before.myself. I don't jump.when people.call and ask.for.help..
Thanks Iam and y'all...