The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in courage to change is about step two - a return to sanity.
The author shares that if someone had been observing their actions prior to AlAnon, they would have seemed like the one who was insane. Living with an active alcoholic and trying to control alcoholic behavior resulted in all sorts of crazy behavior, including searching for a loved one from bar to bar, making scenes in public, and getting hysterical over little things. (I see my pre-AlAnon self in all of those actions!) The author recalls agonizing over the alcoholic's behavior, lying, making apologies, making excuses, and resenting everything they were doing. Yet, the author did not question their own sanity until they were involved in AlAnon. Sitting in meetings, they felt the most rational and were able to reflect on their own behavior. Step two promised a return to sanity, and by working the program, the author found a return to sanity.
Today's Reminder: Today I will focus on my own behavior. If it could stand some improvement, I will ask a Power greater than myself for help.
Today's Quote: "If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed." Ancient Chinese proverb
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I remember when I first came to Al-Anon, I felt that I was so far from my understanding of who I was, I didn't even recognize myself anymore. I took that as a sign that things had gone totally awry, and I leaned into the AlAnon program and steps to restore me to sanity and also to a person I could recognize as myself. Even now, I often feel most like myself when I am not at home.
Today's Quote really stuck with me, and speaks to where I am right now. I feel that my AW and I have fallen into a routine and a pattern of behavior that, while a drastic improvement over where we were three or even two years ago, is not where I want to be next year or even five years from now. The reminder helps me remember to focus on myself and what I am doing (or not doing and not saying), and the quote reminds me of the agency that I have to change direction when I am heading in a direction I do not want to go in. Keeping on as we have been will inevitably result in arriving at the destination we are headed to.
I hope everyone has a lovely day today! We are back in a cold snap now, but have been promised temperatures above freezing this weekend!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Skorpi-Thank you for your share and the daily. I can relate to what you wrote. I totally lost myself prior to program and became a person I didn't recognize and couldn't respect. I often played Sherlock Holmes to find out when she was lying because she only told the truth about 5% of the time. I got so sick and couldn't recognize it.
At present, similar to your share, we are in a much improved place, but this is not the marriage I wanted or thought I had. I ask HP for help daily and hope I can have better news next year. Progress not perfection, but the progress is slow, Lyne
Hello Skorpi Thanks to the meetings, a sponsor, the Steps, slogans and literature I was finally able to become honest with myself, see my assets and DEFECTS and found a way to grow and change. Thanks to HP an d alanon
Thank you for your service
Thanks Skorpi for the daily and your service. Thanks to both for your shares and ESH. I am such a sequential thinker that I had to first realize that I was insane and that took me a while. I really, really thought that caring and loving another meant we were to control, cure, fix, etc. Lots of meetings helped me to 'see' that I was indeed insane and many of my intentions were opposite to my actions.
I too, at present, am in a better place. We've got some change happening and it's not feeling good right now, but I'm using the tools available to stay on my side of the street. Progress is a lovely motto - just for today! (((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for the topic Skorpi, and for the meeting y'all...
I read somewhere that in Step 2 there was no sanity to return to. It had been downhill for generations, maybe for ever.
But in my child world there had been golden years- where i was happy, at least some of the time. I did have happy and carefree memories. I had cousins i new up with sometimes. There dad was a veteran, like my dad and an alcoholic drinker. They loved in the city and the outcome for their lives was far far worse. This made me very very angry- other behalf.
I had two uncles in 1972 who killed themselves, both vets, and both hard drinkers. Impacts on the family were terrible.
I can think about the happy times we did have together- with both uncles. But that alone was not going to turn my life around. A year or two after that I joined a mainstream church and the vicar also killed himself. Stayed in his home, and was aware of his drinking. Like I was kind of fated to life in this land of hopelessness and despair- the insanity of the condition.
I have not mentioned my own experience at home. They say you can take the kid out of the home, but you can't take the home out of the kid. Was I fated to repeat the mistakes of the previous generation?
Last weekend I stayed in a campground with two grandkids, two dogs and good ol' SO. Got through that- and enjoyed it. I used to make up my own slogans- like "Don't get mad, get even. Get even by getting better!"
I must admit I had to say that one a lot over my middle years. I find it hard to take in that next week I will be 67 years of age. My body feels old at times- when I go to get out of my chair... but today i do really feel young at heart. I can relate well to two grandkids. I can make eye contact with people- laugh and joke sometimes.
As I wrote this I can pause and look out of my veranda- it is summer here and I can hear a bird going 19 to the dozen. I can throw my shoulders back and stretch and relax a little more.
