The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about the importance of setting boundaries for ourselves in relationship to others. Many of us have felt we must avoid setting boundaries our of fear that we may upset someone else. I think of this as always my discomfort before yours. What I have noticed since coming to alanon is the freedom and strength associated with boundaries. If I am asked to do something, I know I dont want to do it, I do it anyway- I am setting myself up for feelings of resentment. If in that moment I acknowledge whatever is being asked of me will not work for me, I have found my strength and recognied my self worth.
Two of my favorite sayings come to mind: say what you mean, mean what you say, dont say it mean and no is a complete sentence. I like the first because it is a reminder that when we speak up for ourselves we are only doing that and are not being mean spirited. I like the second because we dont owe explanations for every decision we make. Both of these sayings remind me about the power of being direct. I dont want to sidestep with others and I appreciate when people are direct with me as well.
The last part of todays reading reminds us that setting boundaries and being rigid are two very different things. For me a boundary is about figuring out: what do I truly need in this situation and then doing my best to achieve that.
Thank you for sharing this. I was struggling with this last night and during the overnight which resulted in sleep loss on my part. Ugh.
Reading this as I began my daily meditation today as calmed me and reaffirmed what I was thinking and believing. My biggest challenge is not wanting to upset my AH and Iâm just so done with that.
This was just what I needed to hear. Thanks again!
Good Morning Mary Thanks for this reminder I found it important to note that drawing boundaries did not mean I had to be inflexible. I could note a boundary to keep me safe and then I could re-think it and draw another I find that life makes more sense when i am in the moment and present to a situation. Thanks for your continued service
Thank you Mary for the daily and your service. I thought I knew what boundaries were before recovery and like most things, my views were a bit distorted by this disease. The program taught me that not only where boundaries healthy for me and my life but they were loving towards others whom I had enabled and done for repeatedly.
I was also an over-thinker, over-explainer and did a few other 'over-' behaviors. I also learned in recovery that was so not necessary and simple responses with fewer words often work better in tricky situations. Grateful for what Al-Anon has given me and taught me. Happy Sunday to you too - we got our first snow fall of the year happening and it's kind of pretty! Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I heard at a meeting- remove barriers and create healthy boundaries. Ok, so Rome wasn't built in a day. As my self esteem grows I can create these invisible points- where my self ends and another begins.
The barriers were most likely created by the 'my way or the doorway' culture of the past generation. I rebelled against this one.
Creating a new culture takes time and patience. Patience with my myself, most of all.
I appreciated seeing -abandonment' and 'dread' mentioned in the reading. I sensed both, and their devastating effects...
Thank you, Mary. I too love the two sayings that you mentioned, and try to utilize them everyday! Makes things so much easier!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
... Thanks Mary.