The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hope you are all are warm and comfortable... the temp in my corner of the world is currently a balmy -7 Fahrenheit:)
Todays reading is a focus on our saying about the three Cs: I didnt cause it, I cant control it, and I cant cure it. I have always appreciated the message of this saying because so many of us have struggled with guilt in our lives with As- Maybe if I hadnt said that, if only I had done this, etc. Attached to that idea of cause is control- somehow there were times that I thought I was going to determine the course for the A(s) in my life! I appreciate how the reading points out that acknowledging we cannot cure it lifts the burden of trying the same things over and over again and expecting different results. I am reminded of a moment I had with a therapist a long time ago. I sat in his office and was upset about some extremely late night/early morning arrivals home by my ex. I sat there pleading with the therapist is it so unreasonable to expect to come home right after work?? . He sat quietly and saidyes that is unreasonable. Hes an alcoholic and thats what alcoholics do.
For me it has been a great relief to know that the only person I can work on is myself. Although I still struggle with old resentments from time to time, it has also helped me be more compassionate about the disease in general as I am better able to detach it and the behavior from the person.
Good Morning Mary Great topic. Finally accepting that I was powerless over this disease helped me to switch the focus back to myself and start to see just who I was and uncover the negative tools I counted on to live life. This was and is a full time job.
I find that any time I begin to feel angry or resentful over another's actions, I can immediately accept that when I point a finger of blame 4 more fingers are pointing back at me . I can then look for my part, own it and and grow because each experience can be a learning one --if i am willing to learn
Thanks for your service enjoy the day
Hey hey MIP family! Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thanks to you and Tude for your shares and ESH. It's a balmy 38 here - a gift compared to what we've had since before Christmas.
I can vividly remember the first time I heard the 3 C(s)....it was so simple yet profound for me. I truly believed, as told by my A(s) that I was the cause of all our issues. I also had worked hard to try and control and/or cure it. I truly felt a weight lift from me when I heard that - it was exactly what I needed when I heard it.
I too am so grateful for the tools and lessons we get in Al-Anon when we work it. The ultimate gift is freedom from my own insanity which tells me I am stronger than this disease. I need often/constant reminders that I am powerless, and today, I am joyful that powerlessness truly means powerful in my spiritual journey.
Happy Sunday - I am mourning the end of a football season, cut short too soon for my team. I'll get over it - was so hard to watch - *sigh*!!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good morning Betty - our posts crossed again like ships in the night. We must be on similar schedules....
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Mary and to all who posted ESH. When I learned of the 3 C's, I believe from my sponsor, I breathed a sigh of relief. OMG, there is a reason I can't fix my A. It was a real AHA moment, and whenever I recite it to myself, I feel the same relief. Oh yeah, that's why I couldn't fix her. A guess being attached to A's, I too could easily slip into denial and revert to old, unhealthy thinking. That's why I need to continue in Alanon so I can walk a good path. It's important to keep re-stimulating my mind with positive and healthy thoughts, after a lifetime of poor habits dragging me down. Tomorrow the deep freeze may lift. I look forward to that, Lyne
Good Morning IAM, Lyne and Jude it is a cold morning here in NYC and I am on my way to Church. I do appreciate reading all your enlightening ESH. Alanon saved my life an this particular principle allowed me to begin to focus on myself and begin to recover
-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 12:40:38 PM
Thank you, Mary for posting this today!
It was the number one thing that saved me... knowing that I couldn't CONTROL this disease...it helped me to understand the other two.. I didn't cause it and I can't cure it. For most of my marriage somewhere deep inside I was always thinking "IF ONLY I loved him more... or gave him more attention, or managed his affairs - you know... to help ;).
Now I am looking at this saying from MY perspective. I am currently on the 'Control' section of Blueprint for Progress... so this post is timely!
I am in the West, so we are praying for some "weather." Stay warm and safe, MIP family!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I read this topic yesterday but had to rush off to work- decided to reflect on the topic and share this morning.
Here, in the southern hemisphere are are having record high temperatures... and it is really dry... ...the fruit around here is ripening fast...!
For some years i was really angry with the 3 or 4 "C"s. I do not recall the A. in my life ever making promises to change. Drinking was a part of the culture here- an old mining community. No-one ever had to drink alone, either.
I took a lot of case of my dad and he was able to see out his years in his own home- something he did not appreciate. When he passed he had disinherited me. He viewed me and my attempts at care with resentment! Such is the nature of the illness. So we actually lost our home- me and my family and were forced to leave. I thought this was really sick.
15 years ago now- I was determined to rebuild our own finances and to have a good retirement. I was able to achieve this. I was working to a different script than my dad.
The "C" words i use most are -"care or cure?" I would love to have a cure- for my chronic pain. Broken heart- at least in the FOO arena. And I reserve the right to dream of a better life. But I can fall back on care. As far as other people are concerned cure is much more difficult. I can use the serenity prayer to consider what hopes and limitations i have. The impulse and the dream- something i grew up with- is still here. I can honour this...
...I can consider that 'charity begins at home'. I can make an impact on my own closest relationships. And I can consider that my own marriage, kids and grandkids get my best attention. Just lately I have adopted the saying: "Charity begins close to home." So I can reach out, as a step 12, with confidence.
I once determined to lead by example. To be able to demonstrate the strength of my own recovery in everyday life. Being humble and modest. Hmmm...I think there is a balance here... to be released from shame- and move into the unknown.
At least, in the rooms I can test my boundaries... in a very gentle way... and to speak and share through where the boundaries lie.
It is a shame that your father's resentment ended up affecting your whole family and you lost your home. I applaud you for being the "stand-up" kind of guy for your family and changing the script!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thanks Mary, and y'all...