Here it is Christmas eve, and I woke up, to quite. Blessed quite. No craziness! I am feeling so blessed! The alcoholic is god knows where. I assume with his ex-wife he said over and over again he is getting back with. She can have your drunkenness and insanity! She can handle it, she must be supper woman, I sure can not tolerate it! I was just thinking, about how the alcoholic use to say I have no where to go, this is my house, this is my house and I have no where to go and no-one will take me out of here! I use to believe it and feel sorry for him. Guess what, he is not out of the house, by police force and he has a place to live, as he is not here! How manipulative the alcoholic can be, the poor me, poor me and do not upset the cradle, yet they can create crisis after crisis, in comfort! 

I was having a bad moment the other day, and could not stop thinking about him and feeling a lot of anxiety. It was bad! An hour later of feeling this unsettled feeling of wanting to contact him, the neighbor came by and he had texted her and he asked for his computer, bible and a jacket. I guess he needs the bible to read so he can be a pastor as he strongly believes he will be, despite getting drunk daily. He has this insane belief he will be a pastor and that god had called him to be one! He has been so embarrassing in public as he would be drunk and preaching to people and praying over them. It was so embarrassing I had refused to go anywhere in public with him if he was drinking! I would be like I need to hide as he would talk to complete strangers and talk to them about him being called to be a pastor and he is now spreading the word of god, and if they were saved and if he could pray over them. It was awful, awful! I hate this disease and all the sick thinking that this disease brings!  

Back to the neighbor, I gave the neighbor, what he requested and the calm came back over me again! Now, I know why I was feeling so much anxiety and wanting to hear from him to see if he is ok. This was the message I got, he is ok! He is sober enough to contact the neighbor to get his belongings. So where he is living, I have no idea and at this point I do not care, just stay as far away from me as long as  possible. I can not tolerate his drunkenness! and the domestic violence! I have had enough! 

I am excited, as tomorrow is Christmas and I will wake up to quite! So wonderful and I feel so blessed! I do not know yet what will happen after court if he will be allowed home or not. I can not have him back! I just can not! What will happen I do not know! I was thinking today, I will have to move because I can not be around him if he is allowed back after court is over in January! Maybe, God will be on my side and he will not allowed back for a very, very long time. I need time to get better as I am very sick and can not move yet. I also need time to recover from all the madness. God willing, he will stay away from the house on his own rather then being court ordered! I regret having title on the house with him, as now I have to deal with him on this matter as well. But I have to trust god that things will work out in a good way, how ever that looks like. I wonder if he is still using? I assume again, he is as he was drinking daily when all hell broke loose and going insane! He was completely off the wall! But I do not know as miracles happen. He disconnected my cell phone, that is in his name and that is ok. I have a plan B. I will get another cell phone. Its not the end of the world. 

I knew he was the problem and the cause of the madness! I feel so much better now, in fact I feel peaceful. I was having a moment of heaviness yesterday, just deep heaviness and feeling very, very alone, just complete sadness and pain within me. I do not know why. I prayed and went to bed. Today, I feel much better. I feel hope today! 

I just want to share my progress and say, I am right where I am to be! I thank you all for your support! Have a great day!