The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Christmas has always been very important to me and I used to love the season. Not so much anymore. Until addiction entered my life I don't think I was really grateful for the moments of peace that I am able to have on occasion. I used to take it all for granted. I have no plans this year, I have changed my plans to spend Christmas with daughter and boyfriend as there is simply to much drama there and I do not want to be around that. My spouse is working away and I have volunteered to work for someone who has small children so that she may be at home with her littles. I never thought that I would be ok spending Christmas this way. I however am so perhaps this is acceptance and detatchment. I do have sad moments when I allow myself to wander into how it should be thinking, but today I am grateful for good health, a loving relationship with daughter despite the drama and peace at the moment. Have a lovely Christmas everyone.
Hello Serenity Thanks for the inspiring post, Sounds as if you have fully embraced acceptance of life on life's terms as well as the powerful principle of gratitude and compassion.
I know that living in the moment and in the day i can enjoy the Holidays at home without venturing into the insanity of my FOO. If i look at the past, I feel grateful for the warm loving memories I still cherish and refuse to surrender my serenity to support faulty traditions. Thanks for sharing the journey
I have been under the weather so can share my thinking has not been as positive as I prefer. I too used to love the holiday season. I spent too much, decorated too much, ate too much and as I look back, it had nothing to do with me or even the reason for the season. It was because that's what I thought other's expected me to do. However, I did truly enjoy and have a full room full of decorations that haven't been out of their boxes in many, many years....one day of one year during active disease, I spouted off that I wasn't going to do Christmas or decorate if I had to do it alone. I had 3 male family members that looked at me with apathy and that was that...
Where my thinking went - if I could do what I really wanted to do for Christmas, what would it be? I honestly don't have a perfect answer but I am still pleasing others as I now host my parents each year so they can see the extended family. It works for me for now yet I still look forward to a day when I feel less 'shackled' to tradition. I stress way less than I used to and truly try to stay present yet still feel a bit cheated.
I did volunteer often to work before I had kids. It felt good to give to others and my family day is pretty casual and long-lasting so no harm/no foul. Merry Christmas to all and a lovely New Year too!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for this post Serenity. I too am going to be having a different Christmas this year and am carrying a lot of guilt about it. I will also try to remember that my children and I have peace and safety and their mother has a shot at recovery.
Thank you for sharing this. I have long given up having the same traditional holiday that I had when I was a child. When I moved out to the west coast, I left my family behind and it became just my XAH and my son and I for many years. My XAH was antisocial so we usually just hung around the house and played with toys and I cooked or baked, etc. I never felt 'right' about it. But, now, after 3 years of being divorced and living with my bf and his children, I'm learning that each year will look different for us. This year his ex will have his kids for part of the holiday and I'm learning that it's OK for each Christmas to look a bit different.
We are doing our best to incorporate some of bf's traditions and bring in some things I'd like, as well. We discuss it, we hear the kids out on what they'd like to do, and we make a family decision. So far it's been wonderful for me to learn to just let go and let things unfold. My bf waits until the last minute to plan things and I'm learning to let my "GOTTA KNOW RIGHT NOW" personality step back and be more casual about things. Because, in the end, it's not about whether we decided to go to the neighbor's or whether we invited some of his family over for dinner, it's really about all of us spending time together as a family. I'm learning to let go of expectations around the holidays and that it's OK for traditions to change or to create new ones. I'd rather have a relaxing holiday than a crazy one any day at this point in my life, so I've let go of the holiday stresses....ummm, well, for the most part, lol.
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
