The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading talks about Steps Eight and Nine and the top person who should be on our list for amends. That person is self - have I harmed myself? The writer suggests that putting herself first had not occurred to her and that somewhere in her past, she got the message that to think of self first was wrong. Like so many of us, she not only thought it was wrong but that it was her duty to care for everyone else.
She realizes that she has harmed self and that is what she is trying to recovery from. Improving self is the only real action available to us. Now that we know that taking responsibility for self is the first thing to do to make the world a better place.
Today's reminder -- Being true to myself is one of the greatest gifts I can give to those around me. Perhaps I will inspire them to do the same, perhaps not. Why should others bother to follow my example if I can't take care of my own affairs? To give advice to others is to intrude; to give advice to myself is to grow.
Quote for today from Ralph Waldo Emerson -- "Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one's own sunshine."
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I came to recovery with the belief that they were wrong and I was right. I resisted that I needed to change, after all it was NOT my behaviors and choices that caused the chaos/drama in my family. I was a victim of them and the disease....in my own mind.
What resulted for me is as I turned the focus inward, and worked the steps with honesty, I could see my part. I did not react well in most scenarios, and even worse when it came to this disease and the diseased. I had made a job out of being the victim and making sure others around me knew that my life was not my fault. I was a super negative person, and quite frankly attracted much of the same.
As I worked the steps of this program, and practiced new and better ways, I realized that any change I wanted for my life and me had to begin with me. I stopped blaming others and playing the victim card, and instead allowed others to be as they were and changed what I could. I stopped confronting others with what I felt was right, and instead did what was right for me. I continue to make a living amends to self by putting my sanity, safety and serenity first, one day at a time. I choose happiness today anytime I get to over 'being right'.
Happy Thursday everyone. I am feeling a tad bit better and am hoping to get some much needed company prep. done today. Make it a great day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good morning all, and thank you for the daily, IAH!
This was a really interesting reading for me. I certainly got the message of putting myself last in family relationships - care for younger sister, care for ill mother, care for grandparents. The care for myself happened only when I was living alone. The minute I was in a relationship, care for myself went on the back burner - first take care of family, then take care of self. I like to think that there might be some contexts where this would work - like when I have a lot of time to myself during the day, and can more easily and without interference take care of the family stuff, then myself. It doesn't work with an alcoholic, though. Particularly not with an un/underemployed alcoholic.
Sometimes taking care of myself can seem like a daily battle against guilt and blame, which is why I know I need to keep coming back to Al-Anon. With Al-Anon, I can detach with love and I can take the time to put myself first and recharge my batteries. I always have more energy to put myself first and take care of my needs when I actually put myself first by paying attention to my program and my need to get out of the house for a while.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning IAH and Skorpi I can easily relate to today's reading. The message I received as a child was if you loved someone you needed to ignore your own needs and take care of them. I guess I embraced this attitude early on and automatically acted on it throughout my life. Entering Al-Anon, I thought I had it all figured out that I , the victim was all loving and giving and that I was not appreciated. My mistaken attitude told me that I took care of others, they would reciprocate. In looking at my attitudes from Al-Anon eyes, I saw that this was a subtle form of manipulation and that I was not truly loving and giving with an open heart and without strings.
Learning how to take care of myself was a challenge. However, based on Al-Anon tools, meetings and a sponsor, I do believe I have succeeded. Learning how to ask for what I wanted was a huge step in that direction as well as validating my own opinion without abandoning myself another. I also attribute the ability of learning what to say and meaning it without saying it mean was certainly another huge gift of this program.
I must say all these good changes in attitude took place because I placed myself at the top of the list in the eight step and continued making amends to myself by attending Al-Anon meetings, being honest and open with a sponsor and attempting to practice these principles in all my affairs. I will be forever grateful to Al-Anon.
Thank you for your service IAH and stay warm.
-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 01:23:06 PM
