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My AB has been sober for 6 months. He completed rehab and had been going to meetings regularly. He has been doing so well and takes his sobriety very seriously. Last night we went to a dinner party and he ate about 3 bites of his tiramisu and sensed there was some alcohol in it. He immediately stopped eating it. Now he is beating himself up about that and is saying he has to start all over again with his AA chips and sobriety date. I dont know how to comfort him and stop his worrying. He does not have the desire to drink or anything like that, he just takes his number of days sober so seriously that he is so upset. I told him the way he handled the situation and how he stopped eating it was the importany part. It was an accident and he didn't do it on purpose. How do support him and help him not beat himself up over ? Does this really mean he has to start his days sober all over again? Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.
-- Edited by NCJo on Sunday 17th of December 2017 01:23:20 PM
NCJo - Just my thoughts - this is a great time for him to contact his sponsor for support. I am in the AA side as well, and there is no right/wrong answer as to the situation. Some would start over and others would call it a mistake and unintentional - therefore no need to do so.
His sponsor and home group can support him through this event just as every other life event. The best suggestion I have for you is to show compassion and kindness and stay on your own side of the street. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
This is a good time for you to dive into Al-Anon and your own recovery, so that his anxiety or upsetness does not affect you. It's not a situation you can solve, nor should you have to solve it. His recovery will be stronger when he solves it himself, by leaning on his program. Take good care of yourself.
NCjo this board is soooo right on with their ESH. His program and sponsor have the solutions for him so encourage him to listen to what they say. Alcoholism is not a moral issue...it is a disease. Good on him recognizing the chemical and the possibility of further damage. (((hugs)))
For some people consuming small portions of alcohol in food can be a trigger. I believe relapse refers to the date someone knowingly drank alcohol. In theory alcohol is in items like vanilla essence. There is even alcohol in.some mouth washes
Some people in.AA observe very stringent observations around that.
That must be very difficult to have a meal out marred by something like this
It sounds like your AH had a very solid program. Having a sponsor and being willing to go to any lengths to stay sober is a very good base point
Having somne understanding of your own issues is very helpful in any relationship. There are two oeople in a relationship even when sobroity is parr of the focus.
The other issue of course is expectations. Any alcoholic in recovery is going to have good days and bad days. What you expect from them snd yourself is critical. If on every "bad day"you rush in with full emergency mode it is going to be pretty exhausting for you.
How your AH got to the point of being sober is always an issue. Many nany people walk on egg shells around an alcoholic in recovery. The big issue is not just their recovery but your own recovery too. It takes two to have a relationship.
Two people who both have their own recovery agendas is pretty productive. Al.anon can help you a lot but it's an immersive. Experience with meetings suggestions and program literature go a long way. They are worth looking into. Maresie
Take what you like and leave the rest, I encourage you to leave his recovery to him and you deal with your own stuff.
His sponsor will talk to him about his stuff, I have RA friends and some stuff they bring up I will offer up sounds like something that would be a good topic with your sponsor and that is me being supportive. I don't have answers when it comes to addiction recovery. I'm not an alcoholic or a drug addict. I absolutely do belong in Alanon.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
