The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about a survival tool many of us used before coming to the program- stifling feelings. The writer describes a respectful family who never argues , instead swallowing feelings and becoming emotionally frozen. This page resonated with me as I can recall many instances and situations that I thought I was handling so well when in actuality I was suppressing anything and everything I was feeling. In my family of origin, I have noticed two branches of this which we use. One is sarcasm- how we are truly feeling is often masked behind sharp words and whoever gets the laugh wins. The other is the inability to speak directly to one another. When feelings are hurt, or someone is feeling something, I have noticed some of us talk around one another rather than being direct.
I have felt since coming to alanon that I have been learning how to live my best life; it has definitely felt as if I am learning who I am and what my potential might be. The very brief quote from Courage to Change at the end of this page sums up the strength and courage of this program and what it gives us: I will dare to be myself.
Good Morning Mary -Suppressing feelings,using sarcasm and never directly confronting but going round the bush describe my FOO to a T I am experiencing this very behavior with my sister and her children right now. One of sister's very old friends continually calls me to complain that sister will not return her calls. I remind her that we live in different States and that I can not force sister to call but will deliver friends message.. I do call sister tell her how upset her friend is --she never says word. I explain how it is upsetting it is for me to receive these calls and she reluctantly says she will call friend/ Within a few short minutes, I receive a call from her daughter telling me that I am upsetting her mom by reminding her to call her friend and that her mom is angry with friend and does not know how to tell her .
Spending so much time in alanon I had forgotten about this Family insanity. I was reminded how difficult life is when we discard our feelings and are unable to express our needs in a constructive manner. I see clearly how we hurt ourselves as wells as others. My most treasured alanon slogan is: act do not react. I was always reacting until I learned that by so doing I gave my power away. Today I have learned to stop, my instant reaction and to respond in a healthy manner.
Thanks for your service, Mary, and both your shares. Not surprisingly, this reading is about me as well. I'm grateful to Alanon and the wisdom of my fellows that I see this now and have begun acknowledging my feelings.
Me four - I sat reading and nodding as it also applies to my FOO. Thank you all for your ESH and shares above me. Thank you Mary for your service and the daily too.
Feeling feelings was so foreign to me that it also - like so many other elements of recovery - took practice. I had to allow them to come 'up' instead of stuffing or dismissing them. It is easier now yet still not my first thought - old habits are always below the surface for me.
I am grateful our program suggests we 'live our recovery' which helps me keep 'it' front and center. All aspects help me remember who I am, where I came from and where I don't want to go/be. Grateful!
Happy Sunday all - make it a great day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Emotions is something I learned about at my first meeting. I slowly learned that i had them-but had no experience about how to express them.
That is how I got my baby teeth in the world of feelings. It was a generational thing too [or so I believe] and I see a lot more open-ness around me these days.
I stumbled and fell a lot- but in the rooms I could practise direct talking, and saying what I mean, with other learners!
thanks Mary, and y'all...