So I was early to the Thursday Night Read, Write and Share group and left and when I got home I checked the meeting schedule and found I was 5 minutes early for it...LOL just like me lately.  So I jumped back in the van and went back and found a mutual admiration member I have known for 12 years.  She has the same name as my wife so it felt comfortable.  She's a little gal with a defined program where I have learned to seek where ever and with who ever my HP leaves solutions with.  I am a listener and she is fun to listen to.  She has understanding and experience which is gold for me.   Last nights meeting was on the 12th step and we read from the literature on the subject, write down our understanding and experiences and then share openly.  We went for 2 and a half hours and it is awesome what she has retained from years before and continues to practice as I do also by habit.   "If it works...work it".  I learned a lesson in early program with my sponsor that I call the 3 second rule.  I have mentioned it here and it is about how do I behave during contentious times.  My sponsor and I worked out the 3 second rule and I have taught it to many men who like myself have trouble holding their upsets and resort to lashing out at victims.  I use to do that endlessly and the consequences have been so unacceptable often destroying relationships forever.  We came up with a protocol which I was to put in place when ever I was sounding and feeling out of control and ready to abuse anyone and that was to shut my mouth, get quiet and inside of myself count 3 seconds.  I was to keep my fists open and then after three seconds decide what I would then do.  Although I have a time or two broken a thing I have not assaulted a person and that is a miracle.  I haven't verbally, mentally or physically assaulted and that is how HP wants it.  I use to verbally assault HP too.  

So three seconds passes and my hands are not closed into a fist, I've forgotten some of what the trigger is and I value the person before me more than when the trouble started.  Winner!!  Often I will apologize early and end the situation with compassion and empathy.  It works and I love what works.   (((Hugs)))

"Little M" likes it also because she comes from a more habitual paradigm and needs the ability to stop, listen and change.