The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the mirror today...I saw my Mom.How did I become her?
As a child I swore to myself I would never go through or put up with all the things she did.I swore I would never act like she did too,so obsessed with my Dad and his drinking that nothing else mattered and nobody else existed.She was always so miserable and acted so hopeless and helpless.
Sometimes when my Dad would be gone,out drinking,she would sit in a chair and watch out the window for him the entire day,waiting for him to come home.She didn't cook for me,didn't talk to me,she didn't even eat anything herself,she just sat there.I didn't understand it,he wasn't there,that's when she should have been happiest,that's when she could have spent time with me,could have gone shopping,could have played a board game with me or fixed my favorite food.There's so many things she could have been doing besides sitting in that chair,watching and waiting.
While I am not that obsessed or that extreme,I have become her in my own ways.And I am determined to do things differently.
Hi SS Glad that you had this powerful awareness. It certainly is sad to see how this disease" infects" the entire family. So glad that you have found alanon and are working toward your recovery.
Keep on keeping on There is hope and help
One of the many things I was able to change in Al-Anon was how I responded and reacted to the behaviors my parents, especially my mother put on me. At first I didn't know about the alcoholism in our lives and then when I did and started to learn how to change; I let go of the confusion and anger I felt and started using empathy and compassion which was awesome at fixing our relationship. This program is full of positive tools for our healing. Great post. (((hugs)))
I too am reminded of the 3 A(s) from your post. Awareness. Acceptance. Action. Also, more will be revealed - and when we are ready, we are presented with awareness to consider what's next! I remember seeing my mother in me and got a bit freaked out. I too wanted to be nothing like her and wanted to do/be better. After time in recovery and working the steps, I've actually come to a place where I am like her in many ways and they aren't all 'bad' as I always thought. She is an imperfect person just like me, and we do what we learn to do until we find it no longer works. Then we change - acceptance is so powerful and helpful in recovery....you're moving forward and that's the exact progress we strive for!
Keep doing you - looks awesome on you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I read recentl y about a very successful business woman whose husband was an alcoholic. She freely admitted to being obsessed. In public she looked like she had a charmed life. He died very early from the alcoholism. Now almost 80 she still.seems pretty obsessed with him.
It isn't exactly shameful to be caught up in the alcoholics spell. It is very easy to fall into. If you read the story of the founder of Al anon.she really struggled to the end of Bill.W's life
I think it takes immense courage to admit to our issues. It takes a lot of faith to be willing to work a program.
Alcoholism certainly runs in my familly. In would say very few members really address it.
I.am glad you are one of those people who are willing to.stop the cycle.
