The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK. All the stress of my AH drinking and isolating himself, ignoring me...finally started really affecting my health. I have an arrhythmia and it has started having major changes--and I think this stress is pushing it over the edge. SO I finally opened up to my sister in law ( who is also a trained social worker) about what was going on, sent her the evidence of all the bottles, cans, etc... and she was very supportive. Wants to make sure I take care of myself. My father in law has come into town for the holidays and she wants to tell him also. Because he had a problems when the kids were growing up and it affected the family. She thinks him talking to my husband will help. I told her to have him just observe my AH this weekend and then talk to me privately about things to hear from me directly what has been going on. I think my Father in law will be supportive and understanding and also be supportive of me if my husband gets upset (wont blame me) and will hopefully encourage my husband to go to see someone about things. I don't know--I am relieved that family knows. I feel like I have proof for his drinking. It sucks that it is only me that is bothered by it daily. But his family is very concerned because he is a type 1 diabetic--and only so long can he play the game of taking insulin to balance the high sugar of alcohol and eat to prevent the lows. His body is already showing some signs.
Welcome Back Dancer, You are right to be concerned regarding your husband and wise to be exploring options. Alcoholism is a progressive, chronic disease over which we are powerless. As you have noted, this disease affects all that come in contact with it. Alanon is a recovery program for family members and face to face meetings are held in mot communities. It is here I found supportive members who truly understood, was given new tools to live by and rediscovered my self esteem and self worth.
Please keep coming back here as well you are not alone
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers Dancer - this disease tends to have us keep secrets and isolate in it....good for you in reaching out. I hope you have meetings in your area, and that you will give it a try. It was very helpful for me to find fellowship and support from others who really understood how the disease affects friends and family. Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I'm glad you decided to come back and visit. I am sorry you are dealing with this at the moment. I know dealing with my XAH's drinking was something no one else in the family saw and when it all came out I was very disheartened as well as shocked by it all. I would suggest letting go of all expectations of how you think they will react. Alcoholism is a great disease of denial and it runs deep in families. What do you think a drunk looks like? A drunk always was in my mind someone who was out on the street, didn't have a family and didn't have the capability to take care of themselves. They were not the Dr's, lawyers, people who took care of kids, showed up to work daily and so on. So I think it's important to have a realistic look at what does a drunk look like. My X's family still denies that he has a problem with 3 DUI's behind him at the moment and I'm pretty certain he's active on pills at the moment.
Addiction is very isolating not only for the addict .. for the family as well and secrets live in odd cracks and crevices. I hope that you will reach out and break your isolation from the disease by attending meetings, and taking care of you, because it helps to have a health parent for your kids which I know you have expressed concern about in past posts.
Putting the focus on you getting healthy is the right direction to head because I know I was so sick in the midst of my X's addiction and I didn't know I was. Keep coming back.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Hi Dancer-I think breaking your silence will help all involved, and with your heart issues you don't need to carry this burden alone. It is a big decision to get family involved, but you did it! Bravo. We are always here to help, Lyne
